


I Need You For Hope

by windseeker2305



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Depression, Draco wants to be the savior this time, Drama & Romance, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Harry's on a downward spiral, Hogwarts Seventh Year, Immediate Attraction, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-03-08
Updated: 2014-08-18
Packaged: 2018-02-11 16:29:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 46,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2075082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/windseeker2305/pseuds/windseeker2305
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hope springs eternal as the saying goes. But not for one Harry Potter. He has no more hope, not for himself. The last battle is near and he would prefer to die than survive after Voldemort is gone. Is there someone who can restore his hope? Save his future? SLASH! Complete!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was one of the very first Drarry I ever wrote and it's completely apparent. But I still like this fic which is why I'm uploading it here. Maybe one day I'll go back and fix it up, but for now you have the original version. Hope you enjoy. This is angsty. Not my cup of tea, angst. Not even sure why I started to write this. I hate angst. But the words wouldn't stop flowing. But for those of you who aren't too into angst either, don't worry. There's some fun spots in the story.

**I Need You For Hope**

**Chapter One**

When did things get so turned around that he couldn't even see straight anymore? This was the third night in a row Harry had to leave the common room to clear his head of everything, especially the frustration. It got to the point that if he stayed within the room with his friends, he may have ended up blasting through the walls with his wand. His headaches were getting bad and that was only made worse when he had to endure meaningless conversation with those around him.

Really, there were more important things to talk about instead of when the next dance was going to be or what should one wear to graduation. Ron and Hermione, bless them, weren't among those idiots but they were together now, which meant that left him alone most of the time. And that wouldn't be so bad if the other Gryffindors didn't pull him in when they wanted his opinion on stuff like that. Did they really think he cared about that shite?

So in order to save the common room from his lashing out, Harry had dashed out of there, even with only five minutes left before curfew. He didn't care. He didn't even care that he did not have his invisibility cloak. The only person who might really give him the most grief for being out late was Professor Snape but Harry didn't really have to worry about him anymore either. And the other person he might need to keep an eye out for was Malfoy, but for some reason Malfoy had decided their rivalry was too childish and it seemed he wanted to grow up a bit. He stopped the baiting and verbal attacks. Which suited Harry just fine. It had been getting to the point where he hated himself more than he ever hated Malfoy when they fought.

"You're out late again, Potter," came the inevitable silky voice of his potions professor. Harry sighed and turned to face Severus Snape and nodded his head. Recently he began to think Snape had his own version of the Marauders Map up his sleeve.

"Why do they all act like nothing important is going on outside of these walls, Professor? It gets so bad that sometimes I just want to strangle some of them."

"Now you know how I feel. I am required to teach you idiots."

"Hey, I've been doing well this year."

"Yes, I suppose that's true. Thank Merlin."

Harry made a reserved sound and rubbed his forehead just over his scar. Severus peered intently at him. "Your head has been bothering you more lately."

"Yes. It's nearly time. It will be finished soon." Harry looked away and peered out of the thin window near the astronomy tower where he had been headed. "I was thinking…maybe death isn't such a bad thing. It's my destiny, right? To die fighting Voldemort…"

"Potter, follow me." Severus turned around and glided down the corridor, leaving Harry no choice but to follow.

He followed Snape all the way down to the dungeons and past the Slytherin common room to Snape's office. At one point near the Slytherin pit, Harry was sure he heard a noise like the scuffing of shoes against the hard stone floor, but when he looked he could see nothing. He felt a presence but chose not to go investigate. He really didn't care. It was probably a Slytherin couple seeking solitude outside their common room. When he turned back around, it was to find Snape studying him.

"In here, please."

Harry raised his eyebrow at that, but he did enter and took a seat across from Severus, who sat behind his desk. Severus brought his fingers together in a steeple under his chin and studied the Gryffindor once more. Harry had never been to a psychiatrist before but he had a feeling it would have felt just like this.

He and Severus had come to an understanding at the beginning of the 7th year. It had been a hard and strenuous struggle before that understanding was reached, but Severus had tried under the guidance of Headmaster Dumbledore, or rather under the demand of the old and wizened wizard, and once Harry had seen Severus trying to make a compromising truce with him, he had no choice but to try as well. It was slow in coming but now nearly at the end of his seventh year, he and Severus had a very good working relationship, and were close enough to even be considered friends.

"Have you been thinking about death often, Potter?"

"Oh please, professor. I'm the bloody Boy Who Lived. Of course I think about death."

"No need to take on an attitude. Tell me what is really bothering you."

Harry threw one leg over the arm of his chair and released a tense breath. "I don't know," he replied flatly. Why the hell did he even bring that up? He should have kept his mouth shut! But it was probably because he hadn't had any time to talk with Hermione and Ron, which meant he hadn't really been able to speak his mind about anything with anyone who really wanted to listen. As if Severus could hear his thoughts, he mentioned Ron and Hermione.

"I've noticed you spend less and less time with Granger and Weasley. Have you had a row?"

"No. I just think it's best if they spend as much time together as they can before we really have to battle. And I hate being a third wheel."

"You need to be able to talk to someone."

"I'm talking to you right now, Professor."

"But there are some things you do not want to talk to me about. Maybe your problem is you think too much about what is going on outside of Hogwarts. Maybe you should take some time for yourself."

"How do you suppose I do that?"

"Maybe by making new friends. Perhaps loneliness is partly to blame for your depression."

Harry looked at Severus sharply and dropped his legs to the ground. "I never said I was depressed and I don't need new friends. I'm friendly with everyone except the Slytherins and that is only because they’ve been brainwashed to hate me."

"They don't hate you." Severus chose to ignore the rude snort the young man in front of him made. "Not all of them, anyway."

Harry stood. His eyes gone disturbingly hard. "It's time I return to Gryffindor tower, Professor. Thank you for talking with me."

"Harry, you know you can speak with me. You needn't be afraid that I would reject anything you have to say. "

"I know, Professor. Thanks." Harry gave him a weak smile and left quickly. Once the door was shut, Severus waited a minute and then called out, "you may come out now."

A side door opened, and a young man stepped out. The smug look on his face told Severus he had heard everything.

"He would never speak to me again if he knew I allowed you to listen in," Severus began. He watched the young man saunter over and take up the seat Harry vacated.

"But you know I only have his best interests at heart. I want to help him. He needs help," said the young wizard. "Everyone can see how lost he's becoming."

"No. Only you, Headmaster Dumbledore, and myself have noticed, and you have yet to tell me why you seem to care so much about what happens to him."

"Isn't it obvious?"

"Yes. But I want you to say it."

"I want him. It’s that simple."

"No, it is not simple," Severus said lowly, bracing hands on his desk and leaning over it. "How exactly do you want him? For a game? For a short time until you tire of him as you have with all your former lovers? He cannot be played with like that. Not especially now. I will not allow it."

"This isn't a game for me," the boy stated, his eyes blazing with determination. "It can't be. Not with him. Just like he said, he is the bloody Boy Who Lived. If I wanted a plaything I could find someone much easier, much less complicated to amuse me. But… Harry," here he said the name with a soft smile, "he's different. And he's worth every bit of trouble I'll find myself in when and if we come out. He saved me. He's already saved me and he didn't even know it. Damn Gryffindor, always the hero…"

Severus was silent a moment before he finally returned to his seat with one nod of acknowledgement. "Fine. Would you like my assistance?"

A hopeful smile spread across the Slytherin's face. "I would be indebted to you, Severus."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

Harry managed to drag himself out of bed with only ten minutes to spare before he had to be in the dungeon for his potions lesson. Once he was dressed, he ran all the way down to the dungeons, making it just in time for Hermione to give him a stern look and pass him an apple for after class.

"Thanks, Mione."

She nodded and they took their seats in the center of the room, where only the two of them sat at the table. Ron refused to take potions once he found out it wasn't mandatory their seventh year. This pleased both Professor Snape and Ron. Hermione tried to persuade her boyfriend to take the class but Ron's foot had been cemented to the ground on that particular topic and she had eventually given up.

The 7th year potions class was a small one this year, consisting of a handful of students. As usual it was a mix of Gryffindors and Slytherins. Harry, Hermione, Dean Thomas, and Parvati Patil were the Gryffindors, while Blaise Zabini, Milicent Bulstrode, Pansy Parkinson, and Draco Malfoy made up the Slytherins. Potions class was bearable now that he and Professor Snape got along, but Draco Malfoy and Blaise Zabini sat directly in front of them and for some reason that always bothered Harry and he wished Hermione would just let him move to the back of the class.

Professor Snape was leaving the class with a sort of catch up session with notes and rereading chapters in preparation for their N.E.W.T.s. Severus left Malfoy in charge of the class and had gone to another dungeon room to work on potions needed for the war. Harry was staring down at the desk, looking at his textbook and he felt it more than saw it when Malfoy shifted to look over his shoulder at him. Oh yeah, that's why he was always unnerved. Malfoy was always doing that now. Looking at him. It made him very uneasy. Harry propped his elbows on the table and lowered his head to his hands. He was just so tired…going to class, studying, worrying about what Malfoy was up to…it all seemed so pointless.

Hermione moved closer so that she could whisper in his ear. "Malfoy is looking at you."

"I know. I'm going to ignore him. I don't need to look up to know he's glaring at me."

"But that's the thing; he's not glaring at all."

Harry looked up and was startled by the intensity in which he was being watched. Malfoy’s blank expression was offset by his eyes. They were more expressive than Harry could ever remember seeing. When he couldn’t pinpoint the emotion, Harry tried to sneer at Malfoy to get him to turn away, but it only made Draco smirk at him.

Not for the first time he noticed he'd called Malfoy Draco in his mind. Harry sighed, looked back down to his book and curled his fingers, his hair grasped painfully in his hands. That had been happening a lot recently and he didn’t know why.

"Harry?"

"I'm fine."

While Hermione frowned at him and was preparing to tell him that no, he was not fine, he quickly picked up his things and stood from his chair, drawing everyone's attention.

"Where do you think you're going, Potter?"

"None of your business, Malfoy."

Harry nodded at a disgruntled Hermione and escaped, heading straight for the Gryffindor dorms. He had no fear that anyone would follow him. It would only be Hermione if that were the case, but she would rather die than leave in the middle of class. He was certain he would be getting a huge talking to for what he just did but again he wasn't in the mind to care. Once in his dorm, he grabbed his Firebolt and took off out of the window, zooming around Hogwarts at a break neck speed before altering his course to fly low across the lake and beyond over the Forbidden Forest.

He hovered over the trees and stared at the far away shape of Hogwarts, dashing his sleeves across his stinging wet eyes. Even flying brought him no joy anymore. It just brought the pain of knowing everything he once loved was lost. It was more painful because everything was still there, alive and in front of him, yet he could feel nothing. He was changing and he could not stop it.

"Potter, you had better have a very good excuse for leaving my class."

"Professor Snape!" Harry swung his broom around and gawked at Severus as the older wizard hovered on a Nimbus 2000. "You can fly?"

"Of course I can fly. I am a wizard."

"I've just never seen you on a broom," Harry muttered. He squinted as the sun was high behind the Potions Master. Severus must have really been worried to come after him immediately and on a broom no less.

"I prefer instant travel when at all possible."

Harry nodded, and looked away nervously. It had been rude to leave his class. "So do I get detention?"

"Yes. The entire week."

"What? The entire-"

"Yes. The entire week." Harry could tell Snape was trying to keep his anger in check. "Starting tonight, after dinner. And I'll have twenty points from Gryffindor."

Knowing it was pointless to argue Harry nodded again and followed Severus back to school.

* * *

"Detention for a week!" Harry complained to Hermione and Ron at lunchtime.

Ron looked appropriately outraged on his friend's behalf. "A week! For what? Leaving class early. That doesn't seem fair."

"Yeah, and twenty points taken as well."

"You're lucky Professor Snape doesn't hate you anymore or it would have been more of both. You deserved what you got, Harry. You should not have left class."

"Mione, give the bloke a break. He probably didn't feel well. Right, Harry?"

Harry remained silent and tried to eat his lunch of chicken sandwiches, but he couldn't seem to choke anything down.

"I'm going to the library for my free period. I'll see you two later." Harry made his escape before anyone had the chance to say anything back to him and took a detour to the dorm to grab his Transfiguration book and his Potions book before making his way to the library. He took his regular seat in a secluded area at the back of the library, kicked his feet up on the low table in front of him, and laid his head back against the chair, ignoring the books he'd dropped on the floor by the legs of the chair. He was asleep within minutes.

It was the strangest feeling dreaming about nothing. Dreaming of a black abyss where he could sit in complete emptiness. Harry lay on his back hovering in the black mist and sighed in relief. Ah yes, this is what he wanted. To be free in the dark; the nothingness was bliss. A drowning pleasure. And then he felt another kind of pleasure, a feather light brush against his face; his cheeks, lips, over his scar. Harry sighed in the darkness and turned towards the touch and noticed the darkness start to fade. But he didn't mind. He just wanted to feel that invisible touch again. And if the light was where the touch was, then so be it.

Suddenly, a jarring sensation brought him back to wakeful consciousness. His feet had been kicked off the table, waking him from the dream that had been the most peaceful in years.

"What the buggering hell!?"

"Potter, the library isn't meant for sleeping," Malfoy drawled as he stood over the Gryffindor, taking note of the irate anger radiating from the brunet and he had to refrain from grinning at the picture Potter made. He lived to make Potter’s eyes spark like that, one way or another.

Harry huffed and straightened in his seat. "Why did you have to wake me up?" the question seemed to startle the blond.

"That's it? You find me standing over you and you ask why I woke you?" he was disappointed when the anger died from Potter's eyes; everything died.

"Yes. It's a reasonable question, isn't it? We aren't fighting anymore so I needn't worry you're here to pick a fight." _Please Merlin, don't let him be here to pick a fight._ "What the hell do you want?"

"Ah, that's better." Draco moved to sit in the chair on the other side of the table and studied the Gryffindor.

Harry was getting tired of being looked at like an experiment gone wrong. "Tell me what you want, Malfoy, and go away."

"I want you to talk to me."

"Excuse me?"

"I said I want you to talk to me."

"I heard what you said. I just don't believe I heard it coming from your mouth."

"Well it did."

There was an intense combat of gazing that took place in the following moments and they both wore a look that remained the same throughout until Draco had had enough of looking into dead eyes that used to be so full of life. Emerald eyes that used to sparkle with green fire, alight with life, and warmth, and love. Now they were dead, dull gems. Pale jade that matched his pale face. Draco allowed his expression to shift, his grey eyes changing into something that terrified Harry. Draco allowed his concern and understanding to shine through and he knew when Potter recognized it.

"Bullocks. I'm leaving."

Draco watched Potter gather his books. He was pleased to note Potter's hands were shaking. It meant he'd disturbed him and cut through the tough seemingly untouchable exterior the Gryffindor had produced. It was progress. Which was the only reason why he decided to let Potter go…for now.


	3. Chapter 3

**I Need You For Hope**

That was just bizarre. What was Malfoy playing at? _I want you to talk to me._ Harry snorted. Not likely. And what was up with that look in Malfoy's eyes at the end? Was that really Draco's way of saying he understood what Harry was going through? Ugh! Not Draco! It's Malfoy! It will always be Malfoy! Never Draco.

"Harry, where have you been?" he heard after rounding a corner and stepping out into the Entrance Hall where he met half the Care of Magical Creatures class.

"In the library, like I said."

"But you've almost missed the beginning of class-"

"Lay off will you!" Harry replied harshly and ignored the stunned and hurt look that crossed his friend's face. "I'm here, aren't I? Why are you bugging me about it? Everyone else in the class seems to _almost_ be late, including yourself!"

"For your information I had a Head meeting with Professor Dumbledore and was lucky enough to have made it out here on time." She glared at him for measure and then sped walked out past the Great Oak doors.

"I'm sorry," he muttered to Ron before the redhead could take him to task for hurting his girlfriend's feelings. "I didn't mean to sound so callous." This seemed to placate Ron.

"It's okay, mate. We understand you've been stressed out. But listen, after class I want a word with you."

Harry nodded and they made their way down to Hagrid's class. He was glad he had that class now. He wouldn't need to pay so much attention. Hagrid was great about letting him get away with stuff unless he wanted Harry to be the first volunteer for something. But once that was done, Harry was always left to his own devices. Which probably wasn't a good idea, as it gave him way too much time to think.

"Hey, did you hear the rumor?" Harry looked over to see Ernie Macmillan speaking to Parvati and Lavender. "Dumbledore is going to allow the seventh years to plan four parties, each house hosting one, in order to relieve stress before we have to take our N.E.W.T.s."

"Really?" Parvati turned to Lavender, both their eyes lit up with excitement. "I hope it's true!"

"One way to find out," Lavender said, then turned and made a beeline for Hermione. Harry stopped paying attention after that. Just something else idiotic for others to get excited about when there were more important things for them to worry about. Like surviving the bloody war! Didn't they care?

 _You don't care if you survive, why should they,_ _a_ voice drawled. His consciousness, he supposed. He defended himself and argued that he wanted to survive long enough to see the war end with the death of Voldemort. He cared about his friends surviving, about his professors surviving. He wanted the world to survive. But there was no need for him after that. _And what part of your messed up little brain has convinced you that you would no longer be needed after that?_ Harry groaned. Why did his conscious sound like Malfoy all of a sudden? Damn the tall blond git all the way to hell! It was those eyes. Stupid eyes, with their stupid look of compassion! Harry hadn't questioned himself before about what he planned so why was he starting now?

"Oi, Harry. C'mon, mate. Hagrid's got something cool today!" Ron called. "Some things called higglypoofs, or something like that."

"No, Ronald. They are called Dillgycalfs," Hermione recited with a shake of her head. "They are like cows, except they have wings and are the size of pixies."

"Right you are, Hermione. Ten points to Gryffindor!" Hagrid beamed at the curly haired witch. "Dillgycalfs are also a great snack for Arctic dragons, among other things. The milk, if available, has very powerful healing abilities," Hagrid went on to explain. It was actually an interesting lesson, and Harry was surprised that he'd paid attention to most of it. Once class was over, he quickly caught up to Hermione to apologize as she had been ignoring him throughout the class period.

"I'm sorry, Mione. I'm tired and I've had a lot to think about."

"Really, Harry. We understand. I just wish you would talk to us. You never do anymore. Ron and I know it’s because you've been giving us time alone since we've been…uh, together. But you can still talk to us. We don't always have to be alone."

Harry nearly grinned. Both his friends started to blush the same red color. "I just don't want to impose, guys. I hate feeling like a third wheel and whether you realize it or not, that's always what ends up happening."

"Well you shouldn't stop talking with us. And, I think you should start dating someone. You know Ginny still likes you; quite a lot actually. Maybe you should talk to her if you don't want to talk to us. Take her out next time we go to Hogsmeade." Ron started to nod his head fervently at that. He always imagined his sister and his best mate would end up together.

Harry groaned. _Here we go again._ "We've had this talk already. I'm gay. I told you I was gay. You said you had no problem with that. Ginny and I are never going to happen."

"Maybe you're just bisexual. Did you ever think of that?" Ron asked.

"No. Believe me, I'm gay." He frowned then and stopped them from walking further. "You don't really have a problem with it, do you? You're making me think you do." He tried to make his tone light, but it was clear he was becoming upset.

"No, Harry! Course not!" Ron hurriedly assured his friend. "Charlie's gay. I'm pretty sure the twins are bi, too. If not a girl, then maybe you should find a nice bloke? What about that Ravenclaw who keeps sending you secret admirer notes? He seems okay."

"I do not want to go out with someone who stalks me and is stupid enough to send a secret admirer letter with his name signed under the 'love, your secret admirer'. No thanks. I can't see how that bloke got into Ravenclaw." As Hermione snorted her agreement, they headed back up to the castle. _Besides, getting into a relationship now would be pointless and unfair to the other person._

Every so often Harry caught his friends giving him concerned looks, but he largely ignored them. Their next and last class was Transfiguration and Harry groaned when he remembered they shared the time with the Slytherins. He was so not up to seeing Malfoy right now. But Fate seemed to like being a bitch because he and Malfoy reached the door at the exact same time.

Malfoy swept his bangs away from his eyes and flashed a very wide flattering smile at him. "Potter," he greeted cheerfully and then disappeared into the room. Harry was at a loss so he settled for gaping at the empty doorway.

"Did he…." Ron began.

"Was that Malfoy?" Hermione asked.

"What the-" Harry was still in brain lockdown. That smile had sparkled, sending blinding light through his entire body, paralyzing him.

He shook himself out of his daze but not before his friends caught the look on his face. They looked at each other and then back to Harry; both wearing smirks.

"Say, Harry," began Ron in a whisper and he moved his friends away from the door. "You wouldn't happen to have the tiniest bit of attraction for the blond ferret, would you?"

Harry's eyes widened in surprise. "What? How could you even think that?"

"Well… he hasn't been a complete git this year. Everyone has noticed. And that smile was all for you," Hermione said.

"He's only acting like this because he's planning something. He’s been too quiet this year…"

"Harry, you know perfectly well Malfoy changed sides," Hermione returned with a frown. "Dumbledore told you himself. You were there when Malfoy took Veritaserum at HQ. So it's not that he intends something malicious against you."

"Yeah. And don't worry. If you do like him, we wouldn't have that big of a problem with it."

Harry stared at Ron as if he had never seen him before. "You're not Ron. Where's my best mate? What have you done with him?" he demanded seriously.

"It's still me. I think I'm able to sort through my emotions faster and come up with reasonable reactions because Mione has been rubbing off on me." He grinned at Hermione and threw an arm around her shoulders. "She's good for me."

Hermione fairly glowed and blossomed under her boyfriend's intelligent words and praise. Harry quickly ducked into the classroom before they started to snog in front of him. His eyes automatically zeroed in on Malfoy and he glared when the blond smirked at him. He was already growing tired of whatever game Draco was playing and tried to convey that through his gaze, but that only seemed to please Malfoy more. Harry looked away, took a seat as far away from the Slytherin as possible and proceeded to ignore him throughout the class time.

* * *

Dumbledore stood up at the end of dinner and everyone's excited babbling ceased which Harry was very grateful for. But there was an air of anticipation that hung thick in the air and he was sure it had to do with the rumor about the four House parties that was going to supposedly be off limits to professors. It was still a rumor, as Hermione had ignored all questions shot her way. But by the way she grinned at him and Ron, Harry knew it was a fact.

"As many of you have heard, the staff and I have come to an agreement that morale needs to be boosted and stress relieved due to events happening outside and the upcoming N.E.W.T.s. Yes, there will be a party that will be hosted by each of the Houses; one every two weeks, starting next weekend. Now, these parties will be strictly forbidden to all but seventh years, unless you are a sixth year whose date is a seventh year, as there will be no adult supervision."

A great excited murmur surged through the Great Hall at this announcement and many of the Professors were shaking their heads and staring at the Headmaster as if he'd lost his mind. The headmaster's eyes were twinkling madly and he raised his hand and waited for the students to stop talking. "However, you have to be sixteen or you will not be able to attend no matter who your date is."

"This is great!" Seamus exclaimed, leaning against his boyfriend, Dean Thomas. "No teachers, only seventh years…"

"Some sixth years will be attending," Dean said.

"They don't matter. We'll be able to go wild!"

"Hush! Dumbledore is not finished!" Hermione chided the Irish wizard. Harry ignored the rest. It was pointless for Dumbledore to try and set rules when he'd already said there were no professors attending. He wasn't the only one ignoring the rest of what the old man was saying. All the seventh years began whispering to each other about what they would do for their party, what kind of drinks would be served, who might attend with who, so on and so forth…. _Even Dumbledore seems to not care about Voldemort. Shouldn't we be setting up training sessions to learn battle skills? This is all messed up._ Having heard more than enough, Harry ignored all the surprised looks thrown his way when he stood and left the Great Hall without a word to anybody.

"What's the matter with Harry?" Dean softly asked his House mates.

"Don't know. He doesn't talk to us that much anymore," Ron told him. He sounded exactly as he looked. Sad.

"Don't feel bad," Hermione soothed, though her look was troubling. "He hardly talks at all anymore…to anyone. He's purposely distancing himself from everyone and everything."

"I think we should go see Dumbledore about this," Ron said, his look a fierce determination. Hermione rubbed his arm, but shook her head.

"I've already done that. He says he's going to help but I'm not sure if anyone can help Harry at this point."

"You know what? That's really disturbing. Harry's always been a kind of anchor for me," Seamus announced, and the others at their table who could hear their conversation nodded. Nobody felt much like talking about the parties after that.

Across the Hall, Draco was watching Harry's friends and was pleased to see they were affected by the way Harry was acting. _About bloody fucking time._ "Blaise, pay attention. Tell me if there is anything the old man says that's important."

"Where are you off to?"

"Do you even have to ask?"

Blaise looked confused for a moment, his dark eyes staring at a spot on the table, and then over to the Gryffindor table before brightening with comprehension. "Ah. Good luck then."

Draco smirked, gave a tight nod, and then sauntered out of the Hall, apparently in no hurry at all. He knew where Potter was supposed to be after dinner, so it wasn't like he had to search all over for him. Harry was so lost in thought that Draco was able to sneak up on him and trail behind not three feet away. He knew Harry well enough to know the brunet wasn't the least bit concerned about the parties, and judging by the quick gaze he'd caught from across the Hall, he was willing to bet Harry was rather disgusted with the whole thing. And Draco could understand why that was, but he also understood the need for the parties.

He usually didn't like to peer into people's minds, but at this point he was desperate to know what Harry was thinking or at the very least, what he was feeling at the moment. Severus had taught him Legilimency at the earliest possible age, so Draco was fairly adept at doing it; he could do it nonverbally and without the person knowing it was being performed on them. He raised his wand and cast the spell silently. It was very difficult at first because he was unable to look into Harry's eyes, but eventually he got through, due to Harry being distracted. He gasped when he felt and saw what Harry wanted, what Harry was reaching for. The never-ending stretch of blackness.

Hearing the noise, Harry spun around and he blinked rapidly, surprised to see Malfoy standing still as a statue, his pale face gone more pallid, eyes wide and horrified, staring at the Gryffindor. Every bit of blood seemed to have drained from his face.

"Malfoy?"

Harry slowly approached, deep down a concern for his old rival sparked within. He paid no attention to the wand loosely grasped in the pale fingers. "Malfoy, what’s wrong? Are you sick? That would explain your weird behavior…" he said the last part to himself.

Draco shook away his shock. "No, I'm not sick." He gave Harry a piercing stare, one that usually had no effect on Harry but this time he managed to make those green eyes flicker nervously. "I was just going to my common room. Excuse me." He tried to smile at Harry, but he couldn't do it. Not after seeing what he had, feeling the torment Harry was in. He had to plan, sort through his thoughts, get a hold of himself and more importantly, talk to Uncle Sev. Harry was far worse off than any of them had ever thought.

* * *

"What in hell is wrong with your Slytherins, Professor?" Harry asked directly after entering the Potions room in time for his detention. He glared at Severus, who sat behind his desk grading papers. He paced across the room, his hands tugging at his hair in an irritated manner. "Going around grinning at people, looking entirely too pleased with himself. And then just now, he was being plain weird. I don't like not knowing what's going on with him!"

Severus hid a small smile. He hadn't seen Harry this lively for a very long time. Draco must be doing something right. "I don't know what you are talking about, Potter. Now sit down. You will be completing your study time you skipped out on earlier."

"I don't have any of my stuff," Harry ground out and slid into the desk in front of Severus'.

The Potions Master raised one dark eyebrow. "Then let's tack on one more day of detention, for coming unprepared. And for now you can borrow a class copy of the book, and I'll give you some parchment and a quill."

"Gee thanks."

"Next time come prepared."

Harry got up to retrieve copy of the potions book where he knew they were kept in the back storeroom. "So? Are you going to tell me what Malfoy is up to?"

"Why would I know?"

"Professor, come on. I know he's your godson. I know he talks to you. You must know."

"Enough talking Potter, get to work!"

Severus was enjoying himself. Getting a rise out of Potter had always been a favorite past time for him, and truth be told, when they'd started to become friends, he'd begun to miss that. But now, when he knew it would do Harry good, it was twice as much fun. And Harry was behind his desk looking down at the book, but Severus was sure the young man was cursing him for keeping silent about what Draco's intentions were. Whatever Draco was doing, Severus intended to see that the blond continue to do it. Harry's eyes weren't dark dead shadows at the moment and his face had gained some color back. It was a big step forward. Certainly, since he and Draco figured it would take much more time to get these sorts of reactions. Severus settled back into grading essays, so pleased that he didn't mentally complain so much about the idiocy of his students.


	4. Chapter 4

**I Need You For Hope**

That night Harry dreamed of his parents. They were waiting for him in the darkness, welcoming him. They told him the blackness was where he belonged, where he would finally find some peace, where they were waiting for him. He stayed there in the abyss the entire night, sleeping more heavily than he ever slept before. In fact when morning came, Harry did not wake; he didn't want to. His sleep was so deep that not even his dorm mates could wake him.

Ron was worried but not so much that he thought his friend was in danger. Harry was breathing properly and he was always turning away when Ron tried to shake him awake. Plus, Harry was snoring. Ron didn't think anything was wrong with the bloke if he was snoring.

"He has been really tired lately," Neville said from where he stood by the door, ready to head down to breakfast. "Maybe we should let him sleep and tell the professors he's sick."

"Yeah, we'll do that. But let's check on him as soon as we get a break,” Ron agreed and they all headed down to breakfast.

On his way to the Gryffindor table, Ron caught sight of Malfoy as he, Neville, Dean, and Seamus entered and noticed the Slytherin kind of looked upset, frowning. Ron at first thought it was only because Malfoy was a git and still held a grudge against Gryffindors but halfway though breakfast, he focused on Malfoy again and the bloke was still frowning. Not at their table though. He kept glancing at the door as if waiting for the cause of his irritation to appear. Ron laughed under his breath. He had a pretty good idea who Malfoy was looking for.

"Mione." He nudged his girlfriend under the table. "Check out Malfoy."

Hermione wiped her mouth with a napkin before turning around to peer at the Slytherin table. Malfoy's bangs were hanging over his eyes so she couldn't see his face clearly, but his body language was screaming agitation and in the span of two minutes he snapped at Pansy three times when she wouldn't stop hanging off his arm. Usually he just ignored the pug-faced witch. And every other second Malfoy kept glancing towards the Great Hall doors.

"He's looking for Harry," she said with some confidence. Then she smirked. "I knew it. He fancy's Harry."

"Shouldn't we be more worried about that?"

"Don't see why. Harry's a big boy. He can handle Malfoy. Besides, I would say it's some time in coming. I mean, isn't that why you're taking it so well? It's Malfoy yet the thought doesn't exactly make you angry at all."

"I guess I'm just tired of all the fighting here in school." Ron looked up at the enchanted ceiling, a thoughtful frown crossing his face. "He's still a git. Always will be. But Harry has always reacted to him in some way. That's what Harry needs. To react. He hasn't been doing much of anything lately."

Hermione nodded. "I can't believe you guys just let him sleep. He needs to go to class. Only a few more months until N.E.W.T.s you know."

Ron groaned and tried to keep his shins protected under the table. Hermione's glare told him she wasn't averse to kicking some sense into him.

"C'mon, guys. Don't want to be late for class," Seamus called, much to Ron's relief.

"You don't want to be late for Potions, do you, Mione?" he grinned cheekily at her as they vacated the table. And then they were both shocked into speechlessness when Malfoy stopped them just outside of the Great Hall.

"Where's Potter?" he demanded and he looked almost frantic. There were also dark smudges under his eyes as if he didn't get an ounce of sleep all night.

"Hello to you too, Malfoy," Hermione returned after recovering.

Malfoy blinked rapidly for a minute before nodding. "Good morning, Granger, Weasley. Now, where's Potter?"

Ron might've fallen from shock if Hermione hadn't placed a helping hand on his back. "Why do you want to know where Harry is?"

"I just do," Malfoy ground out. It was clear he was trying to remain civil and keep his patience. Ron saw and understood this.

"We left him sleeping. The bloke's tired."

"Is he alright?"

"Now you're starting to scare me, Malfoy." The blond sneered at him. "That's better," Ron breathed in relief. It was really creepy to see Draco Malfoy acting all human.

"Just tell me he's okay."

"I'm sure he's fine, Malfoy."

"But why is he still sleeping? Did you talk to him?" Draco asked and then waved away Blaise and Pansy who were approaching him. Blaise looked interested but Pansy had a nasty sneer on her face when she looked at the Gryffindors. Blaise grabbed her arm and hauled her away before the witch could start spewing out unhelpful and unintelligent remarks.

"No, he wouldn't wake up."

Malfoy rounded on Ron, his eyes wide in anger. "And you think that's all right?!"

"Merlin, Malfoy. Calm down. I'll go check on Harry before going to potions. Will you tell Professor Snape for me?" Hermione asked. Malfoy nodded in a grateful manner before stalking off towards the stairs leading towards the dungeons.

"Do you really think we should trust him? This may be some elaborate joke he's playing on us."

"No, Ron, I don't trust him. You can't just start trusting someone like Malfoy in such a short period of time. And by short I mean years. But I don't think this is a joke either. Malfoy is always composed, even when he's being malicious. He wasn't composed just now. He seemed genuinely worried. I'll just go check on Harry, you get to class."

"Yes, ma'am."

Hermione quickly made her way up to Gryffindor tower and into the seventh year boys’ dorm, where Harry was still sleeping. She sat on the edge of his bed, staring at his pale face.

An overwhelming sadness pressed down upon her as she gazed at his face. "You don't smile anymore," she whispered softly, pushing his hair away from his face. "You don't laugh anymore. You don't talk…you don't even cry. I wish you would talk to me, Harry." Suddenly, that sadness turned into frustrated anxiety. "You're letting Voldemort win by wasting away!" She slapped his face hard before she could stop herself and then leapt back from the bed, her mouth covered with her hand; shocked that she'd let her frustration manifest into violence.

Harry groaned and his eyes opened. He stared blankly up at the canopy over his bed, and only turned his head when he heard a soft sob. "Hermione? What are you doing here? Hey, what's wrong?" He sat up and peered at the clock. He was late for potions. Damn. That was probably another detention. He turned his attention back to Hermione. She was shaking with wet tears sliding down her face. Harry quickly got out of bed and crossed to her. "What's the matter? Has something happened?"

"No. I'm sorry. I was just so mad at you."

Harry rubbed his face in absent confusion. "What are you talking about?"

Hermione lifted her hand to caress the cheek she slapped. "I hit you."

"That's one way of waking me up. I'm fine, Mione. You can go to class now." Harry pat her shoulder; his mind already wandering off, and he quickly disappeared into the bathroom leaving a saddened Hermione behind.

* * *

Draco sped walked all the way to potions, bypassed his classmates without a word, and cornered Severus in the back storeroom. His godfather studied him for a moment before nodding and disappearing back in the class where he instructed everyone on the potion they would be making that day. He returned to Draco shortly.

"What is it now?"

"The Gryffindor. He wants to die," Draco hissed. "I shouldn't have done it, but I used Legilimency on him. He's preparing himself for death. He doesn't want to live after he defeats the Dark Lord."

"Draco, looking into his mind will not gain you his trust."

"I know! But that's not the point right now! Don't you see? That's why he's distancing himself from his friends. Why he doesn't seem to care about anything anymore. I didn't know I would have to battle this kind of darkness. I'm not sure what to do."

"Are you sure this is what you saw?"

"Positive."

Severus leaned against the wall and sighed heavily. "I knew he was thinking about it but I never imagined he would want death. That he would choose it even after he defeats Voldemort."

Draco was unable to keep the panic from his voice. "S-Severus, what should we do?"

Severus straightened and sneered at him. This seemed to give Draco some comfort and strength. "Do what you've been doing. It seems to be working. At least you got a rise out of him last night with whatever you were doing. He had a nice rant about it before I made him start studying."

Draco perked up more at this declaration. "Really?"

"Yes. But I'm afraid if I or the other professors try and intervene, he may build up his defenses to be indestructible and allow no one in. He’s very stubborn and he never looks back. Just continue to be you, Draco. I'm sure Harry will have trouble ignoring you. We all do."

Draco preened; not at all concerned that his godfather had not meant it as a compliment.

* * *

Harry walked into potions with only fifteen minutes left in the class and took the seat at the very back. He ignored everyone, even Severus, and lay his head down on the desk. He was more than a little angry with Hermione for waking him up. Why the hell couldn't people leave him be and let him sleep?

"Potter-"

"I know, another detention." He was surprised when Severus said nothing further, though when he looked, he was sure Severus wanted to.

He caught Malfoy looking at him again but he didn't have the inclination to stare back or even glare at him. He didn't even care about what Malfoy was after anymore. All Harry wanted was to get rid of Voldemort and then leave. Kind of excited about it now, he wondered whether or not to just leave school and search old snake face out. He should pick the time and place instead of Voldemort, and maybe by doing it that way, he could save more lives.

Harry looked up, startled by his own thoughts, and he began to grin when those thoughts solidified into a plan.

_That's what I'll do. I'll find Voldemort myself!_

He thought about leaving the class then but didn't think Severus deserved that kind of disrespect from him. Despite everything, Harry honored their friendship and promised himself he would strive to pay more attention until he could leave Hogwarts.

Draco sucked in a breath when he saw Harry's smile. A new light had appeared in his eyes. One that did nothing to ease Draco's worries either. Harry was going to do something stupid. It was clear as day. He looked to Severus to see if his godfather could see what he saw and was relieved to see he wasn't the only one concerned with what was going on inside the Gryffindor's head.

Once potions was over, Draco tried to catch Harry alone in the halls but the brunet disappeared before he could set one foot out of the room. Either Harry was carrying around an invisibility cloak no one knew about or he was super fast.

"Granger, a quick word."

Draco grabbed the startled witch's arm and didn't give her a chance to respond before dragging her back into the classroom. Severus merely raised an eyebrow at them before disappearing through the side door that led to his office.

"What is it? This is highly irregular."

"Can you see to it Potter attends the House parties? It's very important."

Hermione looked at him shrewdly. "What is going on with you, Malfoy? I will not promise anything more until you explain yourself. Right now!"

"Are you sure you can handle the entire truth, Granger? You may not like what you hear. And then Weasley will get all angry and violent and I really don't have the time for that."

"I'm sure I've guessed most of it and Ron already suspects as well. I just want to know everything."

Draco refrained from reminding her that's why she was known as the know-it-all. Instead he told her parts of what he wanted; holding back the things he'd discovered about Harry by using Legilimency. He was pretty sure he would have none of Granger's help if she were to know any of that.

"I'll try," she agreed at last. "I can't promise you anything. Harry isn't himself and he doesn't listen to me or Ron that much anymore."

"I guess that's all I can ask. Just try."

* * *

Harry raced down a corridor. The first thing he needed to do was find out where Voldemort would be hiding for the next month or so and then he would need time to prepare himself and think of a way he could destroy the powerful bastard. "Not going to be easy, that's for sure," he mumbled as he quickly made his way to the library, every so often looking behind him to make sure a certain fit prat wasn't following him.

He knew without question Draco had gone after him after leaving the class. Luckily he had the Marauder's Map and knew the shortcuts around the castle very well. Everyone he knew had class the next period, as did he, but since deciding the only reason to stay at Hogwarts was to get ready for his battle, he thought forgoing some classes wouldn't be so bad. He was sure the faculty wouldn't agree with him but he really didn't care about that. If they weren’t going to train him, he would continue to train himself whenever he could.

So the pressing question was, where was Voldemort hiding? His best guest would be Malfoy Manor. Draco may have switched sides but his parents had not and were still avid supporters of Voldemort. If he wanted to, since the Slytherins would be hosting the first party, Harry thought he could maybe scope out some information there with a few discrete and well-placed drops of Veritaserum into an unsuspecting Slytherin's drink.

Draco was out as he had been disowned and was nearly as badly wanted by Voldemort as Harry was. For some oddly disturbing reason, Harry was grateful the Slytherins still respected Draco Malfoy and it seemed they would stand by him no matter what side he chose, so the blond Adonis was in no danger while at Hogwarts.

Harry snorted. _Blond Adonis? Well I suppose he is. Can't deny that he is the hottest bloke in school._ And once upon a time, Harry had had his share of wet dreams about Draco. But that time seemed so long ago. _All right, enough about Draco please!_ Having mental conversations about Draco did not seem like a prudent way to spend his time on devising ways of getting to Voldemort.

Parkinson was his next best bet. Zabini wouldn't work. He was and has always been a neutral and would know nothing about Voldemort or his Death Eater's activities unless someone from his House talked to him about it. This seemed unlikely. That wasn't how Slytherins worked. Crabbe and Goyle were idiots and even if they were told something, they'd probably forget it in the next five seconds anyway. So Parkinson was his target. Harry crinkled his nose in disgust. He couldn't stand that bint. Always nagging, always sneering, and always bloody fucking hanging off Draco's arms!

Harry sat down and stared at the parchment he'd brought out to write his plans on. What he did not need was for people to start guessing at what he was planning. He was not an idiot. He could see the way the professors looked at him now and the way his friends studied him. And even Malfoy seemed to be trying to figure out what he was all about. Harry did not need their interference. He supposed he should stop going around like a walking zombie then. Perhaps he would throw on a happy go lucky face more often so that maybe he would be left alone. He wouldn't do it all the time, otherwise Hermione would most definitely catch on that he was up to something if he just suddenly changed his attitude. But the thought of walking around with a fake smile on his face was slightly revolting. Harry sat back and sighed. But it would be worth it in the end, wouldn't it? The end was near. He wouldn't have to worry about anything after that.


	5. Chapter 5

**I Need You For Hope**

**Chapter Five**

A week passed since Harry decided to put on a happy face. He obviously thought it was working as he was seeing a lot less concerned glances his way, but Draco wasn't fooled for an instant. Now that he knew what to look for it was obvious Harry was pretending to be happy and this was disturbing. Draco just wished he knew what Harry was planning…aside from his death. Another disturbing thought.

Draco dropped his head back against the tree he sat under near the edge of the Great Lake. Dinner had come and gone and everyone had chosen to hang about in the common rooms due to the lingering cold weather so Draco was alone by the lake. He sat, frowning at the dark lake, pondering the idiot lion’s plan. Knowing Harry- and he liked to think he did- really the plan could be anything and it was most certainly going to be crazy.

He frowned and threw a stone into the lake. He needed to concentrate on something else other than Harry's suicidal thoughts; otherwise he wouldn't be able to get anything else done. Or at least push those thoughts to the back of his mind so that he could concentrate on what he needed to do to help Harry. It was becoming increasingly hard to remain calm as the days wore on.

Because of all the extra work the seventh years were getting to prepare for N.E.W.T.s and the work he had to do to prepare for the first party- since he was the unspoken leader of the Slytherins and it was well known he threw the best parties- Draco hadn't had much time to harass Harry, let alone speak to him. It was really depressing. He'd kept his distance all year, thinking he would ask Harry out after they graduated and when Voldemort was gone. Harry would be more likely to want to date someone at that time so Draco had stayed away, prepared to wait while amusing himself with lovers that lasted only a week at a time. However, after seeing the way Harry was deteriorating, Draco couldn't stand back and watch from afar anymore. Harry needed saving, dammit!

"Draco! There you are, darling! I was getting worried."

Draco cursed under his breath. Damn Pansy Parkinson. Why couldn't she leave him alone? She was a bloody nuisance. He couldn't believe she honestly expected him to marry her. There were several reasons why this made her a ridiculous bint. First and foremost, she wanted the marriage so badly because of what she thought a marriage like that would bring her. He'd told her several times already that marrying him would get her nothing. He was disowned. Legally, he was no longer a Malfoy and should be penniless. He would be if he hadn't saved money of his own but it was without question that he would need to find a job after school. Secondly, everyone under the sun knew Draco was gay. Everyone! And last but not least, he hated Pansy. He hated her so much that he told her he hated her at least five times a day. Honesty, one would think the witch would get it by now.

"Pansy, I hate you." Third time today. "Leave me the fuck alone."

Pansy ignored the threat in his voice and sat down beside him, hugging onto his arm. "Honestly, Draco, you've been in a rotten mood lately. You're being so mean to me."

Too bad cursing a student was against the rules. Regardless of the rules, he just might have if he hadn't caught sight of someone moving down the beach yards from them. Draco groaned when Harry turned and spotted them. Was that a snarl he saw on Harry's face? Harry quickly turned away after that and headed in the opposite direction.

"Merlin, Parkinson!" he yelled. He didn't need Harry thinking he was involved with Pansy in any way. "Would you leave me the fuck alone! There is nothing between us! I fucking HATE you!" Fourth time today. "And for the last time I have no money! I'm not a Malfoy anymore and I'm fucking gay! I like buggering blokes! The thought of being with you makes me want to vomit!"

Pansy stared transfixed on him for a moment, her eyes blinking rapidly. Oh, Draco knew what was coming. It happened every time. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1… the witch burst into tears and ran away. He slumped against the tree, thanking god she was finally gone. He remained in that way for a few minutes, trying to clear his head. It was becoming very hard for him to do that lately.

He ran a hand over his face before sitting back up and scanning the edge of the lake for Harry. When he didn't see him, Draco's mind was suddenly filled of awful visions of Harry drowning himself. Of letting the merpeople pull him down until he was lifeless, and he even pictured the giant squid pulling Harry's body apart in five pieces. Draco was about to scramble up and run after him when he suddenly felt a presence behind him. He whipped around and nearly choked in relief and surprise to find Harry leaning against the tree, staring off across the lake with what looked like boredom on his face.

"What the fuck, Potter?!"

"Did I scare you?" he asked without even taking his eyes off the lake. “M’sorry."

"You don't sound sorry at all! And no, you didn't scare me. As if you could."

"I know that habit of yours. Lying.”

"Whatever. How did you get over here? You went off in the opposite direction." In the dimming light, Draco saw the careless shrug of shoulders. He couldn't help but feel pleased. Harry had come to him. Still, this was no time to get his hopes up.

"Just out of curiosity, do you really hate Parkinson?"

Draco wanted to whoop for joy! But he was a born Malfoy and would continue to act like one even if he was disowned.

He sneered. "Not that it's any of your business… But yes, I hate her guts. She refuses to leave me alone." No need to sound as if he were excited to be talking to the Gryffindor. That would probably just scare him away.

Draco studied Harry from where he was sitting and wondered why he wasn’t wearing his happy façade at the moment. Harry wasn't hiding anything from him. His eyes were blank, a permanent frown marred his rather fetching face, and he seemed so far off that Draco was sure he wouldn't be able to reach him if it took a million years.

"Where are you?" he whispered. Harry actually heard him and his attention snapped to him in surprise. They watched each other for mere moments before Harry began to back away.

"Bye, Malfoy."

 _No, I don’t think so. You aren't getting away that easy._ Draco jumped up and sped walked after him; he only slowed when he came up beside the brunet. Harry glanced sideways at him.

"Can I help you?"

"Maybe." When it was clear Draco wasn't going to continue without some prompting, Harry stopped walking and turned to face him.

"What is it?" he asked in irritation.

"I was only wondering if you're attending the Slytherin party."

"Why?"

"I'm planning it and need to be prepared,” Draco explained, his face the picture of innocence. “If you’re coming it means I have to set pranks around the place for you. Can't have Harry Potter coming to the Slytherin pit without any sorts of danger looming about, can we?"

The corner of Harry's mouth began to twitch up but only for a moment. It was enough though. Draco saw the laughter in his green eyes.

"Yeah. I'm coming. Make sure they're good pranks. Give me a good run for my money or I'll be very disappointed."

Harry turned again to leave and Draco moved before he could stop himself, grabbing onto Harry's hand. Harry sucked in a startled breath as he turned back to stare at him with wide eyes.

"Malfoy? What are you-"

"I had to say thank you."

"For what?"

Harry dropped his eyes to the hand holding his and Draco slowly released him, enjoying the high blush appearing on the Gryffindor's face. He wanted to touch more, so brought his fingers to lightly brush against Harry's cheek and down to his neck where he could feel Harry's pulse jumping.

"Malfoy?" Harry's voice was full of shock and, if Draco wasn't mistaken, longing as well. A smug smirk later, Harry's composure was completely swept away.

"Thanks for everything, Potter."

And with that, Draco left Harry standing in the lawn staring after him. However, Draco wasn't a fool, so he didn't leave Harry completely alone. He lingered inside the Entrance Hall in the shadows, prepared to go back out if Harry didn't come in soon. But Harry did return soon after him and the Slytherin was pleased to note Harry's face was still flushed and he was touching the skin where Draco had touched him as if in a trance.

Draco returned to his common room in much more high spirits and with a new spring in his step.

* * *

The next morning found Harry down to breakfast rather early. When his friends found him he was sitting there glaring at his bacon and eggs, and occasionally he would touch his face where Draco had touched him the night before. He couldn't explain the terror he felt when that touch had brought a small sliver of light back again. He wanted to run away.

Finally Ron got up the courage to ask his friend what was bothering him. "Hmm? I was just thinking," he answered absently.

"Bout what?"

Harry tried to ignore the mountain of food lodged in his friend's mouth and looked across the Hall where his eyes inevitably landed on Draco. The blond was laughing with Blaise. Harry's frown deepened when he saw Blaise place a hand on Draco's arm and the bloke didn't shake him off.

"Incomprehensible Slytherins and their fucking jokes!" Harry snapped at Ron. He got up and stormed out of the Great Hall without another word.

He calmed down by the time he reached Professor Snape’s classroom, surprised to find the door open. Usually Severus kept the door closed and locked until five minutes before class, even if he was already inside. Harry entered and found the class empty. Empty of chairs and desks and cauldrons, all accept one large cauldron sitting in the middle of the room. The fire was already lit beneath it and there was water boiling inside. Harry backed out of the room just to make sure he had the right class. He did.

"Professor Snape?"

"You're early." Severus poked his head out from the storeroom, and looked Harry up and down. The boy seemed to be recovering from a mild temper. His eyes were lit up with annoyance. "Must be a record."

"What's going on?" Harry dropped his bag at the wall beside the door and moved further in to peer into the cauldron. "I thought I had the wrong room for a minute."

He heard noise behind him at the door and looked. Draco and Blaise were entering, followed closely by a pouting Pansy. Harry hid a grin by turning back to the cauldron. Draco must have told Pansy he hated her again. Then he heard Blaise's voice, and his humor died as if someone had AK'ed it. He shot Blaise a glare when Draco left to go speak with his godfather and the Slytherin was surprisingly looking right at Harry, and he smirked. Fucking bastard! _Why are you cursing him? He's not doing anything and you don't care, remember. You don't have time to care._ ** _Shut up!_**

Harry moved to the side of the room and slid down the wall to wait for Severus to explain why there were no desks and why there was only one cauldron.

"He's mad," Blaise whispered to Draco when the blonde returned. "Don't think Potter likes me very much."

"Why do you say that?" Draco turned and noticed Harry scowling at the floor. "What did you do?" he demanded in a furious whisper.

"Absolutely nothing. I don't know why he's mad, but he looked at me and started glaring. Next thing I know he's sitting over there, staring at the floor as if he wished it would swallow him."

"You must have done something."

"I'm telling you all I did was look at him."

After that the rest of the small class arrived and they all surrounded the cauldron when Professor Snape told them to. Harry stood beside Severus and ignored the eyes locked on him from across the way.

"Parkinson, stop standing on my bloody robes!" Hermione suddenly snapped, surprising everyone. "You're getting dirt all over them."

Pansy sneered. "What does it matter? You're wearing them. They're already covered in mud."

It was the last draw and it was only nine in the morning. Harry’s patience snapped. And when he spoke, his voice was so calm but his eyes were on fire. And everyone felt the power pulse around him. "If you don't get off her robes right now I'll throw you into the boiling water, Parkinson."

"No one asked for your opinion, Potter. What makes you think I'll listen to you?"

Blaise shook his head and covered his eyes. This wasn't going to be pretty. Everyone knew Potter had a blazing temper. And while Blaise was worrying over that blazing temper, Draco was just enjoying the show. He stood there quietly, crossed his arms over his chest, and continued to watch his Gryffindor get fired up. He really hoped Harry would throw Pansy in the cauldron. The world would be better off. The rest of the class were looking back and forth between the Slytherin witch and Gryffindor wizard, some giving Professor Snape apprehensive looks, and expecting him to barge in. But he stood there impassive and watched as well.

"Get off her robes!" Harry bellowed when Parkinson hesitated one second too long.

The Gryffindor started around the cauldron and the closer he got the more Pansy realized she'd made a mistake. She quickly moved away to hug herself against Draco, who groaned in misery. Harry picked up his pace and to everyone's astonishment, he yanked the witch away from Draco's side and shoved her away. "Go stand by Professor Snape and stay away from Draco. He hates you! Remember that this time!"

"Parkinson, stand here," Snape snapped; apparently finished with remaining silent on the matter. He gestured to the spot Harry vacated from beside him.

"But… Professor, are you going to let him talk to me like that?"

"Yes," he replied to the astonishment of all in the room

Harry was the exception of course. He took Parkinson's place beside Hermione, shoved his fisted hands in his pockets, and continued to glare at Parkinson. Damn her. He didn’t mean to show how annoyed her continued passes on Draco annoyed him and he damn well hadn‘t meant to call the blond by his first name in front of everyone!

"Since this class is so small we'll be doing this potion together,” the Professor began. “We'll be making the Draught of Living Death."

Draco glared at his godfather. What the hell was he playing at? Why was he bringing up death in front of the person who was seeking it? But Harry didn't seem to hear Severus as he was still glaring at Pansy and then his green eyes shifted to Blaise and narrowed on him as well. Draco sighed inwardly. At least Harry wasn't all depressed and emotionless at the moment…then Draco perked up and started to grin like a loon. Harry called him Draco.

"But Professor Snape…." Hermione's hand went up. Severus nodded for her to continue and she stammered for a second, not expecting to be able to go on without some snide comment from him. "This is a sixth year N.E.W.T.s potion. Why are we making it now?"

"How many of you made this potion last year and made it correctly?" Draco and Hermione were the only students to raise their hands. "There, you see. It's disgraceful. I'll not have my students leave here without the proper knowledge." Hermione nodded. That was an acceptable answer. "Potter, pay attention!"

Harry mumbled an apology and stopped his glaring, choosing to look in the water. As he turned back to the cauldron, he finally noticed Draco's expression. There was already a thank you in those eyes for helping with Pansy, so Harry returned a quick grin before breaking eye contact.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

The night before the Slytherin party found Harry once again having to escape from the close confines of his common room before he did something unhealthy; unhealthy for everyone else around him. They just wouldn't stop talking about the blasted party; about the clothes, the drinks, and most of all, the dates. Throughout the week he had been approached by too many people to count asking for the chance to take Harry Potter to the party; both female and male. He had replied to all with a hard glare and a very firm no. What did he care if he looked scary with that look, nor did he care that he had hurt quite a lot of feelings as well? Since that day in potions when he verbally blasted Parkinson, he'd been in a dark mood and didn't care to hide it either. Which was why it was surprising that so many had come up to him asking for a date. He was positive there would have been more attempts to ask him out if a certain rumor hadn't started going around stating that Harry would murder the next person to ask him out. He vaguely wondered who started the rumor because he wanted to thank whomever it was.

It wasn't just Parkinson who had thrown him into this mood, it was, of course, Malfoy also. Harry wasn't supposed to care about what that git was doing at all but for some reason he did and it was pissing him off. He had been studiously ignoring the blond for that reason and he got some pleasure knowing this was annoying Malfoy.

Shaking his head to clear his thoughts away from the Slytherin, Harry was just about to climb the cold stone steps up to the Astronomy tower when he was faced with the Potion Master once again. Mentally, he sighed in defeat. Why couldn't he have one night to himself? It seemed like his late night walks were always being disturbed lately. But at least it wasn't Malfoy.

"I'd like to see you in my office, Mr. Potter."

"Yes, sir."

They walked in silence down to the dungeons in which time Harry wondered what Severus wanted to talk to him about. He knew it had nothing to do about class as Harry had made sure to keep up with his studies and to do well in that class. He really did respect Severus and had no wish to dishonor the man by falling behind and wasting the professor's time.

"As you know, the Slytherin party is tomorrow night," Severus began, studying Harry with a blank stare.

Harry groaned and let his head fall back against the chair. "Not you too. That's why I had to get away from Gryffindor tower. Can't we talk about something else?" he begged.

"No. This is important. Are you going?"

"Why?"

"Just answer the question, Harry."

"Yes, I'm going. I've promised someone I would." And that was all he was going to say. No need for Severus to know his main motive for attending one of the ridiculous parties. Harry was only going because he still intended to find out where Voldemort was hiding. He was still intent on killing the bastard wherever he was hiding away and leaving the world in peace so that he may also finally find his peace in the black abyss that always seemed to call him. The darkness was just too strong and always beat away the tiny slivers of light that tried to make its way into Harry's heart. He didn’t want those slivers anyway, he thought with some stubbornness.

"If you are set about going I must warn you of the danger. Albus is a fool for allowing these parties to go on unsupervised. There are many in Slytherin who may use this opportunity to do you ill."

"I'm well aware of that."

"Just be on your guard. That is all I ask."

"I promise."

"And try to have a good time," the elder wizard added grudgingly.

Harry smirked. "You sound so much like a parent. Which is a weird thought as I've no idea how a parent usually sounds like."

"Harry, you must know I care about you."

The Gryffindor allowed a small smile for Severus, truly touched by the admission. "If you're so caring, do you mind telling Malfoy to stay away from me and to stop staring as well. I'm on to his stupid games, and I'll not be a part of it. I'm not a fucking toy! I don't appreciate what he's doing."

Severus made sure to keep a blank expression. "What are you talking about?"

Harry frowned. He hadn't meant to say that but now that he had his mind seemed to clear up just a little bit. Harry supposed if he were going to confess to anyone, it would be Severus, as he knew the older wizard would keep his confidence.

"This doesn't go beyond this room, right? No one is to hear this."

"Understood."

"He continues to flirt with me, but then he flirts with everyone. I don't like feeling like a fool. It angers me and I have more important things to think about than being jealous over the bloody ponce. Just tell him to leave me the hell alone."

Severus snickered mentally and planned to give Draco twenty house points after this, but outwardly he scowled. "Draco should have more important things to think about than trying to play with you."

"Exactly!"

"But I still don't understand why you think he is playing with you. Care to explain? I've not seen any odd behavior from him in regards to you."

"You must be joking! He stares at me all the time. You have to have-"

There was a brisk knock on the door that interrupted Harry, and before Severus could say anything, the door burst open. Harry scowled as the bane of his existence hurried in.

Malfoy spoke quickly before Severus could. "Severus, there's a problem in the common room." Harry was quick to note the blood on the front of his shirt. He was glad Severus beat him before he'd opened his mouth to ask about it.

"Are you hurt? Where did the blood come from?"

"Second year’s. Emma Dobbs. She's fine. She's gone to the infirmary. But Nott has lost his mind. I had to stupefy him. He kept shooting off curses left and right. Don't know what's wrong with him. Think someone hexed him."

"Very well. Harry, we'll continue this another time."

Severus swept past Harry and out into the hall. Harry closed his eyes, knowing full well Malfoy was standing in the doorway and probably had no intention of moving until Harry acknowledged him. _You're a bastard, Severus. Could have ordered Draco back to his dorm!_ Harry stood and faced Draco, and the git was blocking the exit and smirking at him!

"Move," he said flatly as he moved forward. "I need to get back to my dorm."

"Why so hostile, Potter?"

Harry ignored that and pushed by him, hiding a grin when Draco nearly lost his footing. "And why do you always have to be where you're not wanted?"

"Oh, ouch! That one hurt."

"Good." Harry stopped and turned his glare on the blond, who had yet to stop with that infuriating smirking. "Leave me the hell alone. Stop staring at me, stop the weird smiling, and stop…just stop paying attention to me!"

Malfoy closed the distance so quickly that Harry had no time to react, and suddenly they were standing toe to toe now just outside of Severus' office. "What's the matter? I thought you liked attention."

"When did you become an expert on all things Potter?" was his snide reply, trying very hard to keep from outwardly reacting to having this certain Slytherin standing so close. It was much too close.

Draco lay a hand on Harry’s chest and pushed him against the door. It wasn’t anything like their normal violent shoving. Also disconcerting. "I know you well enough to know you want me."

Harry laughed shakily. “Have you gone mental?” Why all of a sudden did he have trouble breathing?

"The thing about you, Harry. Everything you feel has always been clear in your eyes. That has been very clear to me.”

"Funny. Nice joke. Shouldn't you go and help Severus?" Harry figured if he ignored the insinuation then the problem would go away. Because he was not about to admit to Draco that he was right.

"He can handle it." Draco leaned forward, completely enraptured by the panicked expression on Harry's face and would have kissed those tempting lips if Harry hadn't found his mind and quickly pushed him away.

Harry quickly turned and started walking down the hallway. "I’m not doing this. Playing your games. Ignore me just like I ignore you."

"You can't ignore me forever, Harry!"

"Yes I can, git! And stop calling me Harry,” he yelled as he rounded the corner. “Why don't you go play with Zabini since you seem so fond of touching him all the time!"

Draco stared after him for a minute before he burst out laughing. So that's why Harry had been trying to kill Blaise with his eyes. He was jealous. Oh, he could forgive Harry for ignoring him these past few days for that.

* * *

The night of the party had finally arrived and Draco kicked everyone besides Blaise out of their dorm room. He preferred to dress and preen alone without an audience. And Blaise wasn't really an audience as he was quite fond of preening himself.

"I may have pushed a little too far a little too quickly," Draco commented while straightening out his night blue silk shirt.

"What, with Potter?"

"Hm."

"I've never known you to be patient, Draco. I'm surprised you haven't dragged him off somewhere to shag already. It became clear that day in potions Potter has some sort of feelings for you."

"Yes, but since then he's been ignoring me."

"You can use tonight to change that. Get the Gryffindor drunk then proceed as you usually do."

Draco turned form the mirror to give his friend a causal look over. Blaise was hot, no doubt about that, and he and Draco had at one point attempted a relationship. But that had shortly turned into a friend with benefits arrangement until Draco decided enough was enough and had wanted to keep himself for Harry. Which was a disturbing thought and at first had not pleased Blaise at all.

But then the dark Slytherin realized the extent of Draco's feelings for Potter and decided to be supportive of his friend. Despite everything, Draco and Blaise would always be best friends. And to be honest, after a while when he’d had time to process everything, Blaise concluded Potter could be good for Draco. Those two would be good together.

"I'm not going to do that. That would make things worse." Draco turned back to the mirror and frowned. Something was missing, the look wasn't right. Then he snapped his fingers. "Blaise! Spike my hair."

"Sorry?"

"I want my hair spiked for tonight."

"Ooh. Very good look on you, mate."

Draco smirked. "Really Blaise, you know anything looks good on me."

"Have a plan as to how you're going to get Potter or are you planning to wing it?" Blaise asked after summoning Draco's hair gel.

"I'm going to annoy the hell out of him and I'm going to wing it. When it comes to Harry, I've learned well made plans always turn out to be rubbish."

"You still haven't told me why going slow with him is so important aside from the obvious fact you're in love with him. Still. You are being particularly delicate in this situation, Draco. Why?"

"I can't say, Blaise. Sorry."

"This has something to do with his depression, right?" Blaise watched Draco’s reflection. Watched the blond’s eyes drop to the jar of hair gel in his hand. For a moment Blaise would swear Draco’s eyes had gone scared, panicky. He had to be imagining it though. Draco wasn’t scared of anything. Not really. He hadn’t been scared when he was disowned and he hadn’t been scared of his housemates either when he announced he had no intention of backing a mad wizard with delusions of grandeur. It was that fearlessness that kept him at the top in Slytherin House this year. No one had the nerve to cross Draco Malfoy, disowned and hunted or not.

“Draco?”

"Yes. But that's all I'm saying so drop it, okay."

* * *

Harry was in a foul mood, Ron surmised as he watched his best friend pacing the dorm room. He suspected it had a lot to do with Malfoy, but he couldn't be sure. Ever since last night, Harry had been going around cursing the blond git under his breath, causing a large amount of amusement for him and Mione. Though they were smart enough to hide their amusement very well.

“He’s fit!” Harry had hissed at one point earlier. “He’s bloody well fit. Not fair!”

Ron didn’t think Harry realized he could hear him and he was fairly certain his friend had still been going on about Malfoy. It was hilarious.

Harry was dressed to the max for tonight, wearing a very attractive and tight fitting button down dress shirt and black slacks. Ron also suspected he'd dressed this way, not to impress, but to be able to blend in with the others. Ron didn't know why he suspected these things, but he knew Harry well enough to know the bloke didn't like to stand out and if he went dressed like he didn't care, it would bring more attention to himself.

"Harry, you look good. Stop pacing around."

"I don't care if I look good or not. I just wish the night was over." Harry ran his fingers through his hair for the fourth time in two minutes. “Is it over yet?”

"You don’t have to go, mate. No one is going to say anything about it."

"I have to go," he ground out. He quickly left the room so Ron wouldn't feel the need to ask him why. Hermione was waiting for them down stairs, tapping her foot impatiently.

"Where's Ron? The party has started already. We're twenty minutes late as it is!"

"It's a party. Being fashionably late is in the norm, right?" Ron said as he hurried down the stairs. Mione tsked and grabbed Ron's hand and began to pull him through the portrait hole while the younger years looked on with jealousy.

Harry kept his head down and shoved his hands in his pockets, fingering the vial of Veritaserum he'd borrowed from Severus' storeroom. Yeah, it was borrowed. He promised himself he'd somehow replace it before the end.

As Ron was being pulled along, he swiveled his head around to look at Harry over his shoulder. "Harry, try and relax tonight. Find some hot bloke and dance and drink, okay."

"Don't worry about me. You two just have fun and don't forget to watch your backs."

"It's a party. Why should we have to watch our backs?"

"It may be a party but we're still going to the snake pit and not all Slytherins renounced Voldemort like Malfoy did," Hermione said with a nod at Harry. She tried to hide her worry when she saw Harry's eyes had reverted back to their dead state. No shine whatsoever. They were blank. She fervently prayed this party would accomplish what it was intended for and relieve some stress because Harry certainly needed it.

"Think the party is going to be in the common room?"

"Probably not. You know how Slytherins like their privacy. And besides, this isn't the way to their common room, remember." Hermione waved down the hall they were walking through. "The common room is that way." She pointed to a corridor they had just passed.

"Look at this!" Ron had stopped cold to stare at a green and silver poster hanging on the stone wall. "The nerve! I'll give you one guess who posted this!"

Harry looked up at the sign and snorted. "This way you brainless ingrates," he read. A large black arrow pointed down another set of stairs and the Golden Trio began to descend the stairs. "Haven't been this far down before. Didn't even know these stairs were here," Harry muttered. He paid close attention to the way after that incase of some inexplicable reason he had to make a fast getaway from the party. He didn't want to get lost trying to find his way out of the dark maze that the Hogwarts dungeons made up.

They followed the directions of a few more insulting signs that were obviously the work of Draco Malfoy- some of which Harry was sure was aimed directly at him- taking them down a few more turns and slippery stairways, and Harry and his friends finally reached their destination. They heard the music pumping two corridors back and as they approached the last stretch of their journey, the music seemed to be vibrating directly from the walls. They met up with more people making their way to the party, all standing in a single line, waiting to be emitted. The hallway had no torches on the wall, but a red fiery glow that seemed to be leaking from the room directly ahead provided enough light.

"Why can't we just go in? Why do we have to stand in line? This is stupid!"

“Calm down, Ron."

"Must be a reason,” Harry said, stepping out of line to peer at all those waiting to get in. “They probably have to check ages or something."

“Oi, Potter!" Harry looked up and found Zabini gesturing at him from the doorway. "Bring your mates and get up here."

Harry's eyebrows rose past his hair line but he did as Zabini said and grabbed Ron and Hermione to pull them to the front of the long line, ignoring all those still waiting as they grumbled and called out about how unfair that was.

"Oi, shut it!" Zabini yelled at the complainers. "You aren't on the VIP list, are you? So stop your bitching. You'll all get in eventually, if you shut up." The Slytherin turned back to Harry. "Go on in." Ron and Hermione immediately went in, but Harry turned to Zabini and cocked an inquiring eyebrow.

"No waiting for you. Draco's orders." Harry scowled at this and Zabini laughed.

"Why are you making the others wait?"

"Because we can. Go on, get drunk, and wipe that hard terrorizing look off your face, Potter. You'll kill the mood otherwise." Zabini pushed him into the room and chuckled at the last glare Harry shot his way. "By the way, you're looking really fit tonight. Save a dance for me." He laughed harder as Harry blushed and hurried away.

"Wow," Harry murmured to himself when he finally looked up to survey the surrounding area. The large room was completely stone as was the case with most of the castle, but this room was pure white and circular, with black stone pillars around the edge of the main floor. High red flames surrounded each pillar, the flames licking and flirting with the ceiling while the light gleamed and cast a hot glow over everything and everyone. The fires were so high and bright it made the room seem like one was partying in a dungeon belonging in Hades. Harry liked it very much and found himself relaxing under such ambiance. He had to give Draco props for that.

Behind the pillars was a walkway with several open doors that he saw many people going and coming from. He would make sure to explore those areas in a bit. But first he made his way over to one pillar and stuck his hand in the flames. He didn't expect to feel anything and was surprised when the flames were actually cold, and he could feel a cool breeze originating from the fire as well. Harry nodded. It was a good idea. It would keep people from overheating among so many hot and sweating bodies.

He moved away from the pillar and began to walk through the crowds and suddenly he had a drink shoved in his hand. He was unable to see who gave it to him as he was in a middle of a crowd and it could have been anyone. He immediately banished the contents with his wand. Did they think he was stupid? No way in hell was he about to drink something he hadn't gotten for himself, and he discarded it because he didn't want some other student picking it up to drink. No telling what was in it. He lost sight of Ron and Hermione and hoped to Merlin they were smart enough to not accept drinks from anyone either. He figured at least Hermione would know better.

Harry turned back to the walkway and walked around the room to the opposite side where a large bar was set up and made his own drink. He was surprised at the amount of muggle liquor there was, but had nothing to complain about. He mixed himself a glass of vodka with a dash of pumpkin juice, and as an afterthought, poured a good amount of Firewhiskey in as well. He figured he'd need it if he were going to pretend to be sociable.

"Hiya, Harry!" Seamus squeezed up beside him and by the flushed look on his friend's face, Harry knew the Irish wizard was well on his way to being sloshed. Dean was beside him and looked decidedly more sober. This was a good thing as he’d probably need to be in order to see that Seamus didn’t get into too much trouble as he liked to do when sloshed.

"Glad you came, mate. We were afraid you wouldn't."

"Yeah. Once in a lifetime chance to check out a Slyth party." Harry took a big gulp of his drink and nearly spit it out. Seamus and Dean started snickering.

"We saw what you put in that. You are aiming for the floor by the end of the night with that."

"I can handle it." And just to prove it, Harry downed the drink and started to make another.

"Dean, you mind if I take Harry out for one? That was enough to loosen him up a good bit," Seamus asked his boyfriend, waving over to the large dance floor packed tight with too many dancing bodies to count.

"Course not, love. We need to make sure Harry has fun." Dean took Harry's drink and pushed the both of them towards the dance floor.

"Wait…hey!" Harry tried to decline, but Seamus was already dragging him into the center, already wiggling his hips to the music, which was also surprisingly muggle hip hop music. Harry didn't put up a fight when Seamus turned and pressed his back against Harry's front. The liquor was doing its job right, he was starting to feel warm and loose, and he liked the music so he began dancing with his friend, not at all uncomfortable with the fact he was dancing with someone else's boyfriend.

While Harry was indisposed with Seamus, across the room Draco spied bright red hair moving throughout the crowds from his seat on one of the couches near the crowded bar and stood up to head Weasley off.

"Did you make those drinks yourself? I advise you not to drink something someone else has given you unless they are close friends," Draco said as a greeting to Granger and Weasley.

"Yeah, we made them. Thanks for your concern, though," Hermione said, giving him a small smile. Draco waved her thanks away.

"Did you bring him?"

"He's here…somewhere. We got split up," Ron said. "I hate to say this to you, Malfoy. But you guys did a great job."

"Everything looks fantastic!" Hermione added.

They turned to the dance floor when the dancers started to shriek and scatter as cold red flames erupted from different spots all over the dance floor. The flickering flames seemed to dance along with the music, and people eventually got a clue that the flames were illusions and started to pack the floor again, dancing amidst the fire.

"That's wicked!" Ron cried out.

"Very nice, Malfoy."

Draco graced them with one of his extraordinary smiles. Seems the Gryffs were okay when everyone was relaxed and prepared to have a good time. They were standing at the edge of the dance floor, and Ron continued to look at the crowded dancing bodies while taking a sip. A second later, liquor came jettisoning out of his mouth, narrowly missing Draco.

"What the hell, Weasley!"

Ron raised a finger to point into the crowd, his wide blue eyes staring incredulously. They followed Ron's finger and Hermione started giggling while Draco's mouth almost dropped open. Great Merlin, Harry was there. Dancing for all he was worth, and damn he looked good. Like walking, talking sex. Well, in this case, like dancing, talking sex. Draco didn't really care about the technicalities when Harry was looking the way he was at the moment. He never knew Harry could dance like that, like black water flowing fluidly around and with the music, and the fire made him look like a bloody demon dressed in black. Draco thought he'd kept his surprise and lust from showing on his face until he felt a hand reconnect his jaw with the rest of his face. He looked at Granger, who grinned.

"You're drooling, Malfoy."

Draco cleared his throat and glared at her.

"What the hell? He's dancing with Seamus!"

"Ron, keep drinking," Hermione muttered when Malfoy's attention returned to Harry and his eyes narrowed dangerously. Ron shrugged and did as his girlfriend suggested.

"Doesn't that little leprechaun have a boyfriend? What the hell does he think he's doing putting his hands all over Potter like that?" he demanded.

"They're just friends."

"Does that look like they are just friends, Granger?" he asked, pointing a very straight finger towards the dancing duo, wishing it were Finnegan's head his finger was squashing. The other Gryffindor was using Harry's body like a dancing pole and their movements were so provocative that those around them were stopping to stare. Harry must have finally noticed how he was dancing with Seamus because he suddenly stopped moving, his eyes going wide with shock. Then he turned towards the bar with a sheepish smile and waved to someone. Draco, Ron, and Hermione turned to see it was Dean he was waving to. Dean was hunched over with his arms wrapped around his stomach, laughing his butt off.

"What kind of boyfriend is Thomas, anyway? That would have pissed me off, not make me want to laugh like a lunatic."

“Dean knows Harry and Seamus are just friends, and Seamus has a tendency to do embarrassing things when he's had one too many, if you know what I mean. Seamus is always great fun.”

Harry dragged Seamus off the dance floor and shoved him into Dean's arms. "Thanks for the help! You could have come to my rescue."

"Why?" Dean was honestly confused. "You were having fun."

"But…Seamus was all over me."

"So. As long as there is no kissing and no groping involved, I'm fine. I would have had to beat your arse if it had gotten any hotter though."

"Or you could have just come over and taken him away," Harry muttered into his drink.

"Come on, Dean. Dance with me. No offense, Harry, but I much prefer Dean's body."

"Could have fooled me." Harry grabbed his drink, let a small sneer form on his face when Seamus and Dean started to snog right there in front of him, and then headed over to the lounge section, where he sat on a gold and black couch and glared at anyone who dared come near him.

He reminded himself he had a mission to complete when he caught sight of Parkinson; he couldn't help but grimace when he saw her. Parkinson was barely dressed at all. She wore a small sleeveless white tank top, with a hot pink leather mini skirt. She'd found herself a helpless good-looking Ravenclaw, who seemed to have fallen for her abundance of ‘I'm a slut and I'll do anyone, including you’ look. Harry wondered if he should warn the guy that you could catch nasty things by touching girls like her. He shrugged to himself. At least she wasn't hanging onto Draco though. Speaking of which, he had yet to see the blond and had to admit he was just a tad disappointed that Draco hadn't come to bug him yet.

"Must be the alcohol," he grumbled.

"Need a refill?"

Harry hid his disappointment when it only turned out to be Zabini with a bottle of Firewhiskey. "Should I really take any drink you offer me?"

"You look disappointed to see me," Zabini commented after taking a seat next to Harry and pouring two shots into Harry's half full glass. Harry mentally cursed himself. The alcohol was affecting his ability to keep a mask in place. "Why is that?" Zabini went on. "You keeping your eyes open for someone else?"

"I'm going to drink this because I sort of trust you, Zabini. Not much though."

"Stupid of you."

Harry snorted. "Yeah, probably." They'd both ignored the other's questions. Harry toasted Zabini then drank his drink rather quickly, surprising the Slytherin.

"What are you doing over here, Zabini?"

"Come to collect. You up for a dance?"

Harry noticed Zabini was giving him a look over that was more than casual. "Not interested. Why don't you go find Malfoy?"

"You can cut the glares out, Potter. There is nothing going on with Draco and me. Not anymore. Anyway, I'm just looking for a dance. One dance, Potter."

"All right, fine. If it'll get you to shut up." Harry stood up and was surprised to find himself lightheaded which was the only reason why he allowed Zabini to take his hand and didn't pull away.

"You might want to cut back on the liquor. The night is still very young. Don't want to be passed out before midnight do you? Midnight is when all the fun starts anyway."

Harry sighed and wrapped his arms around Zabini's neck as a slow song was playing. "Keep your hands where I can see them, Zabini."

"You really know how to dampen the mood," Zabini responded entirely too close to Harry's ear, but Harry didn't mind as he found himself enjoying the feeling of having a hard body pressed against his. He closed his eyes for a moment and relished in the warmth. He only opened them again when Zabini started to chuckle.

"You're not so unaffected, Potter."

"Excuse me if it's been a long time since I've had any!" Harry wanted to curse the gods. What the hell? He hadn't meant it to happen, but he found he got a hard on just by dancing with the bloke. "Don't read too much into it."

"Kind of _hard_ for me to do that."

"Very funny." Harry looked away, completely embarrassed, and would have pulled away had Zabini's hold on him not been so strong.

"Just relax. I want to keep my head so I'm not going to make a move on you. Unless you want me to…"

Once again, Zabini's mouth came far too close to Harry's ear, and he couldn't help but tremble just a bit. He was actually thinking about it. Blaise was very attractive, and he hadn't been lying when he said it had been a long time. And even though he had a death wish that didn't mean he didn't want to get laid a few times before he went looking for Voldemort. Zabini was definitely up for anything, as the evidence rubbing against his own erection told him. He looked up and he could see Zabini was willing to give whatever Harry wanted. But a lot of that had to do with the amount of alcohol the Slytherin had already consumed which was why Harry hesitated. A flash of blond hair caught Harry's attention, and he unconsciously took a step back from Zabini. When he looked again, Malfoy was nowhere in sight.

"Caught sight of him, did you? Glad you did otherwise I might have done something we would both regret."

Harry nodded and stepped away all together. "Thanks for the dance."

" Hey, Potter?" Harry glanced back over his shoulder. " Go get laid already. You obviously need it." Zabini winked at him before fading back into the dancing crowd. Harry went back to his couch, closed his eyes, and slid into a comfortable, slightly drunken stupor. He really did need to get laid. Maybe that's why he always had the hot blond on his mind lately. Because he was sexually frustrated. That would make a lot of sense. Harry half smiled. At least he was enjoying himself. He didn't think he would be able to, but the Slytherins did a great job, and people would have to be completely dead to not enjoy themselves here.

"Harry!" He opened his eyes just as Ron and Hermione came over. Ron gave Hermione the seat beside Harry and perched himself on the edge of the table in front of them.

"Hey guys." He smiled at them.

"Here, mate. Brought you a drink. Made it myself."

"Thanks!" Harry eagerly accepted the drink and tapped his glass against Ron's.

"So, Harry…" Hermione ventured a little nervously. She'd been a recipient of Harry's bad mood also, and was a little afraid of anything she said to him. "You look like you're having fun."

Harry turned to her and grinned. "Guess I am."

"Was that Zabini you were just dancing with?" Ron asked, very relieved to see the bright light in Harry's eyes again.

"Yeah. Bloke wouldn't take no for an answer. He's a good dancer though."

"Malfoy wasn't too pleased to see him dancing with you." This from Hermione after she took a dainty sip of some punch highly laced with rum.

"And I care because?"

"You care, Harry," she replied with a smirk. "Have you seen him yet? He looks good tonight." She nudged Harry's knee with hers and wiggled her eyebrows at him. Harry burst out laughing.

"Please don't ever do that again, Mione. That's a scary look on you."

Hermione gave him a farce glare, and they both missed Ron's small nod as he looked over Harry's shoulder at something. "Hey Mione, let's go dance. Wanna come, Harry?"

"Not right now. Maybe later."

Harry finished his drink and shoved his glass away. That would be all for the time being, as he wanted to give Parkinson the Veritaserum soon. Once that was done, he'd allow himself to enjoy the rest of the party completely. He had a feeling, due to Zabini's offhand comment, that more than dancing was going to go on after midnight, and Harry wanted his mission completed by then.

He watched his friends dancing, smiling at how close they clung together, and was so deeply into the sentimentality of the picture they made that he didn't pay any attention when someone sat down beside him. So he was startled when a cold bottle of butterbeer was thrust into his line of sight.

Harry quickly turned and was met with a pair of smirking silver eyes. Harry took the bottle and stared at it, feeling suddenly very nervous. "A butterbeer? These aren't very alcoholic, ya know. Surely you could have done better."

"So you'll accept a drink from me?"

Because Harry was in such a good mood, he decided to play along. And it was in no way because he was happy to see the git. That was absolutely not the case! _Whatever. You're glad he finally showed up, and now all you want to do is jump him._ "You know I already trust you, Malfoy. In regards to this. No need to pretend you think otherwise."

Draco smirked and relaxed back. "You are in better spirits tonight, thank Merlin."

"Must be the alcohol."

"Yes. Must be. You are slurring your words, Potter."

"No I'm not. I'm in perfect control of my speaking abilities."

"You can have this then." Draco handed over his own beverage. The liquid inside was Slytherin green and swirling black. "I made it myself."

Harry took a sip and smiled. "It's good. I'm going to want more."

"I've got more." Draco stretched his legs out and crossed his arms behind his head. He smirked at all the surprised glances he and Harry were getting from all those around them. He and Harry were looking pretty damn cozy, especially when Harry shifted and turned in towards him to where his knees were touching Draco's leg.

"You gonna give me some? Don't horde it, Malfoy. Selfishness doesn't go over well when you're the host of a party."

"Seeing as how I made it and it is my secret stash, you'll just have to ask nicely for it. Or more specifically…" He grinned, his meaning clear in his eyes.

"You want me to beg for it, you git!"

"Yeah, that would be nice. Especially since you've been making it a point of ignoring me."

"I refuse to beg you for alcohol, Malfoy!"

Draco sat up and shifted in, letting his knee slide in past Harry's knee and against the inside of his thigh. "But you want it, don't you? All you have to do is beg."

Harry was staring at the knee resting precariously close to his throbbing erection; all he had to do was slide forward a little and…

Draco suddenly stood up. "Or you could dance with me and I'll give you all you want."

Harry stared at Draco, his eyes taking in the blond's lithe form and swallowed hard. His mouth had gone terribly dry. "Dance?"

Draco rolled his eyes. "Yes, Potter. Dance. You and I, together."

"I got it!" Harry stood as well, but shook his head. "I can't right now. I have to do something first."

"You didn't make Blaise wait,” Draco said in a hard voice, his eyes going cold. “You didn't waste any time getting cozy with him."

Harry stared at Draco curiously and then he smiled. "You're jealous." An insane awesome realization! He shook his head and ran a hand through his hair. Because even though he was thrilled, he was also still highly nervous. "Don't be. I seriously have to do something. I won’t be long."

Draco wasn’t placated. "Whatever, Pot Head. If you don't want to dance with me, just say so. Don't make excuses."

Harry couldn't stop the bubble of laughter leaving his mouth as Draco turned and started to walk away, his spiked hair glowing gold from the flames. By the time Harry was able to pull his eyes away from that gorgeous hair, Draco's long strides had carried him far enough away so that even if Harry yelled after him, Draco wouldn't be able to hear him over the loud music. Harry shook his head at the incredulity of his actions even as he quickly walked after Draco, who by now had disappeared into a room off the main one.

Harry's past annoyance with Draco and his suspicions that the Slytherin was just playing with him seemed to have vanished and he was more than happy to chase after the irate blond. And maybe also because Draco had looked seriously hurt over the entire thing. That was… enlightening. He found Draco leaning against the wall in the shadows scowling at a group of students who were playing a game of I Never. They were already so drunk that none of them witnessed Draco or Harry's sudden appearance.

"Malfoy?"

Harry stopped in front of the Slytherin and again raked his eyes over the blond's body, unconsciously licking his lips. He didn't know what was coming over him, but he didn't entirely care at this point. He was so hot for Draco he couldn’t really think straight.

"Fuck off, Potter."

"Draco!"

When Draco lifted his stormy gray eyes and met his, Harry's control snapped. The anger and frustration in his former rivals eyes was nearly enough to bring him over the edge. Harry pressed himself against Draco, delighting in the blond's sharp breath of surprise. Harry grabbed Draco’s face and quickly pulled him closer until their lips welded together, licking and sucking at Draco's lips until he was offered entrance, which he received after only a moment when Draco finally got over the shock.

The moment his tongue slid against Draco's, his knees nearly buckled and Harry had to drop one hand away from Draco's face to slide an arm around the blond's narrow waist to keep himself standing. Draco didn't seem to mind as his arms slid around Harry's back to keep him pressed firmly against him. The kiss was intense, as if their very lives depended on how close they got, how much heat could be created, and how much pleasure they could get away with by just kissing. It turned exploratory as they studied each other's mouths with ambitious dedication, cataloguing every taste and texture. They were completely enthralled, shutting out the world around them, not caring if they were putting themselves on display for anyone to see. Harry hadn't felt a thrill like this in what seemed like years, and a piece of him was being brought back to life and he craved more, so much more…But it had to be after. Harry sighed and pulled away. It would have to be after his mission.

"Wait for me. Please," he said breathlessly against Draco's mouth, both of them taking deep breaths. "I seriously have to do something. I'm not lying."

Draco nodded and then pulled Harry in for another hot kiss. "Just hurry up," he said once he released the Gryffindor. Harry nodded and began to turn away. "Harry?" Green eyes met silver. "You had better come back." Harry grinned and nodded.

Draco leaned back against the wall. He closed his eyes and licked his lips, the pressure and taste of Harry's lips still lingering there. For the first time in months, Draco allowed himself a relieved breath.

* * *

Harry hurried away from Draco and the Game room as he had dubbed it. He wanted to get this over with so he could return as soon as possible. He had to get Parkinson on her own and somehow get to her drink, and he knew that wasn't going to be easy. He passed Zabini who was just coming off the dance floor and stopped when the Slytherin began to chuckle.

"What?"

"Ya look thoroughly snogged, Potter."

Harry inwardly laughed. Here was a person who was slurring his words. Zabini must have been drinking non-stop since the last time he'd seen him, because he looked like he couldn't take another drink without falling over.

"Don't know what you're talking about."

"Yeah, right." Zabini made to continue on to wherever he was headed, but Harry stopped him.

"Seen Parkinson?"

"With some poor Ravenclaw idiot. At the bar."

"Thanks, Zabini."

"S'no prob, mate." Zabini winked at him once again. Harry shook his head and quickly made his way to the bar.

 _Thank you, Merlin,_ Harry thought as he saw the witch in question was leaning in closely with the Ravenclaw, whispering probably disgusting things into the wizard's ear, and completely ignoring her drink. Harry disillusioned himself and was able to stand beside her without drawing her notice or the wizard she was with and drew the vial of truth serum out of his pocket. He quickly uncorked it, looked around for prying eyes, and when he saw none, he poured a few drops in. Parkinson began to giggle which grated on his nerves, and just to be vindictive he dumped the entire vial of Veritaserum into the bint's drink. Oh, she was going to have a lot of explaining to do when people started to ask her things and she not being able to control her answers. Tonight was promising to be one of the best!

But now, how to get her to drink it? Harry decided a simple tactic was in order. He removed the disillusionment charm off himself. "Merlin, I'm thirsty!" he exclaimed loudly, drawing to him Parkinson's attention. "Is this your drink, Parkinson? You're not drinking it. Do you mind if I-"

"Sod off, Potter. Get your own bloody drink!"

Harry wanted to grin from ear to ear when the bi…err...the witch picked up the drugged drink and preceded to down it. And when she was finished, she slammed the empty glass down and gave him a nasty sneer.

"Wow, that just hit the spot," she said before turning back to her date, who had been watching the scene warily.

"Hey, Parkinson?"

She huffed and looked at Harry. "Go away you speccy git!"

"I need to talk to you."

"There's nothing you could say that I would be interested in. Leave me alone."

"It's about Malfoy." And that did it. Harry was now her entire universe until he was done saying whatever he wanted to say about Draco.

"Out with it!"

"Pansy?" her date stepped over to stand in between herself and Harry.

"Go away. I'm not interested in you. Never was. Now, Potter, what about Draco?" The Ravenclaw looked angry enough that Harry thought he was going to turn violent, but with one hard stare from him, the Ravenclaw vanished into the crowd.

"This is private. I don't want anyone hearing this."

"Fine."

Harry marveled at how stupid this girl was as he led her out of the party and into the hall where the students had been lined up. He made sure they wouldn't be overheard by taking her up at least one flight of stairs.

"This is private enough!" Parkinson stated, suddenly feeling very nervous when she caught the glint in Harry's eyes.

"Yes, this will do." He pulled out his wand and she began to back away until he conjured her a chair to sit in. "Please, sit. I'm not about to hurt you, Parkinson. During these parties, the Houses agreed to have a truce, right?"

"What do you want, Potter?"

Harry created a bubble of silence and put it around them. Even the walls of Hogwarts had ears. "I want you to tell me where Voldemort is. Where he’s living, where does he go, everything about his whereabouts."

"What? You've lost your mind!" Parkinson shrieked. Harry muttered a spell, and she was bound tightly to the chair. "You can't do this!" she yelled. "How would I know that?" Harry reached forward to grip her arm and pointed his wand at the inside of her wrist.

" _Finite Incantatem._ " Some kind of shield shimmered on her wrist before it dissipated, revealing the ugly form of the Dark Mark. "Nice bit of Dark Magic. I suppose Voldemort taught all the students who are Death Eaters how to cover up their Dark Marks."

"You shouldn't have been able to get rid of that spell with a simple _Finite,_ " she said in a shaky voice.

"I’m Harry Potter. Prophesied destroyer of Voldemort. You seem to forget that a lot. I have more power than you ever thought I did and I’ve been training myself. Now, where is Voldemort? I know you have that information. Your father is deep within his circle and I know you would have no concern about eavesdropping on your father’s private conversations when at home. Where is he, Parkinson?" He could see she was trying very hard to keep silent but the Veritaserum was just not something someone could fight.

"Little Whining. He stays there most times. The house is unplottable."

"And when he's not there?"

"At a manor in Russia. It belongs to the Malfoys but they never use it."

"Unplottable?" Parkinson pressed her lips together for a few seconds before words started to spill out.

"No, but the address has never been documented."

"Anywhere else he might stay?"

"No, that's all." Parkinson slumped down in the chair, exhausted after trying to fight off the truth serum.

"You've been a great help, Parkinson." Harry then stupefied her. He then vanished the ropes binding her to the chair and moved her into a sitting position on the floor before vanishing the chair as well. He walked down the hallway until he was at the corner and pointed his wand. " _Obliviate_!" Tucking his wand back into his pants, Harry began to whistle as he made his way back to the party.

* * *

Blaise was plastered and he knew it. And when he was drunk, he was known to do some stupid shite. And most of the time when he was drunk, he was so horny that his good judgment flew away like the owl post. So when he entered one of the side rooms and saw his best mate leaning against the wall, eyes closed, his sexy mouth swollen and turned up into a soft smile, all he could think about was himself and his screaming libido. Draco was such a damn fine kisser and he always loved a good snog. After a while of watching Draco, he approached quietly and wrapped his arms around the blond and started to kiss him, moaning when Draco started to kiss him back.

Draco, on the other hand, was not drunk, but he was tipsy. And even then he had all his senses in right order. It was just that he was in such a state of euphoria his mind was still fogged with the remembrance of Harry in his arms and he automatically accepted the embrace, thinking it was the Gryffindor. It took him a moment to realize Harry didn't taste like this and that the mouth covering his didn't give him as much pleasure as he'd gotten from the brunet. Draco's eyes popped open and he quickly drew his head back, banging it against the wall.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, Blaise?" he hissed.

"Ah, come on, Drake. Don't be like that."

"You're gone already? That's a record," he muttered. If Blaise weren't his best friend, Draco would have blasted him to the other side of the room. As it was he just rolled his eyes and tried to push Blaise away. His eyes darkened dangerously when Blaise resisted and pressed against him again and softly laughed.

"C'mon, Draco. I know you can't turn down a good snog. Potter's not here, don't worry."

"You're wrong about that, Zabini. "

Harry stood a few feet away, his eyes gone cold, unfeeling. His hands were clenched tightly into fists, his wand held tightly in one.

"Oh fuck," Blaise whispered and took a step back, avoiding Draco's wide, scared eyes.

"Should have known. This was all some fucking prank, wasn't it, Malfoy?" Harry asked in a deadened voice. "I knew better, I really did. I don't understand how I let you manipulate me." Harry shrugged in an unconcerned way. "You got what you wanted though, so you should be happy. You made me look like a fool…" his smile was like acid and Draco watched with panicked horror as Harry shut him and the rest of the world out.

"Harry, no." Draco quickly walked a few steps towards Harry but stopped when the Gryffindor raised his wand and pointed it directly at his heart.

"Don't call me that," he whispered, barely loud enough for the two Slytherins to hear. "Don't ever say my name again. And stay away from me. If you come near me…I'll kill you, Malfoy. That's a promise."

Draco paled. The hard edge in Harry's voice conveyed the seriousness of his statement and he knew Harry really was prepared to kill him if he went anywhere near him. And then he had to watch helplessly as Harry walked away, his wand still clutched in a trembling hand. As soon as Harry was gone, Draco turned to Blaise who realized backing away would be a good idea.

"Look, mate, I'm sorry…"

"You're sorry? You're fucking sorry?!" Draco yelled, drawing all eyes in the room to the shadows where the two Slytherins were. "Do you have any idea what you've done?"

"Just go after him…"

"I can't! You heard him. He will kill me, Blaise. He was being completely serious." Draco felt like curling up to cry like a little baby. What had they done? Who knows how Harry was going to react… what he would do after this. Blaise opened his mouth to apologize again, but quickly changed his mind when Draco sent him a death glare.

"Blaise, get away from me."

"Draco, we can fix this…" But Draco was shaking his head.

"Go find Professor Snape and tell him exactly what happened. Everything. He needs to know. I don't care if you have to search for him all night. You tell him exactly what you've done and stay away from me."

* * *

The moment Harry turned his back on Malfoy and Zabini, his hard mask dropped and all the pain he was feeling was blaringly obvious on his face. He quickly left the party and once he was in the outside corridor, he ran, letting the tears fall down his face. He was so ashamed and the misery was making him feel sick. The tears of humiliation blinded him and he missed a step, sending him falling forward. He caught himself just before his face hit the ground, but his glasses fell off. He didn't notice and when he got up, he accidentally crushed them under his boots. He was in such a hurry to get away from everything that he took no notice and left the glasses in broken pieces.

 _Stupid, stupid, stupid!_ He'd known. He'd known Malfoy was no good. Why did he start to believe otherwise? Why did he let himself start to care? The Slytherins were probably all back there having a great laugh. With a pitiful whimper, Harry stopped and slid down the wall, drawing his knees up to his chest, and let his head fall down to lay on his knees. "I was starting to care because I thought he was…" he whispered to himself. That was the mistake. He shouldn't have allowed Malfoy to get to him. He should have stuck to his plan and stayed away because now that place where Draco's kiss had brightened had now turned to ice, his whole heart was dying and he was in more pain than ever before.

After some time, Harry raised his head and stared with blurry eyes at the wall opposite him. At least he'd gotten some information from Parkinson and that was the most important thing. He would just have to concentrate on his studies, continue with his training, and prepare for when he made his move on Voldemort. And it would be soon. Harry had no intention of sticking around any longer than necessary. He was cutting himself off from the world for the last time. He would not let anyone come between him and the abyss ever again.


	7. Chapter 7

Harry didn't disappear off the face of the earth, but as far as the students of Hogwarts were concerned he might as well have, the way he acted. The day after the successful Slytherin party, Harry stopped talking for the most part. He only talked to the professors and gave simple yes/no answers. He didn't say a word to his friends anymore, never took his meals in the Great Hall, and he was always the first one to leave the dorm in the mornings and the last one to come in at nights. Some nights he never made it back to his bed.

"This has something to do with Malfoy," Ron muttered one day after dinner as he and Hermione walked out of the Great Hall.

"What do you mean?"

"Harry acting the way he is. Malfoy must have done something to him at the party. Cursed him maybe. It's the only thing I can think of as to why Harry is acting like an Inferius now."

"He might have done something, but I don't think it was a curse. Ever since the party Malfoy's been depressed too, he and Zabini aren't speaking to each other, and didn't you notice the morning after the party, the Slytherins were down fifty points?" Hermione pointed out as they made their way to their common room.

"They couldn't have lost points for the party. Dumbledore gave us permission. No, they had to have done something to Harry and that's why they had points taken away."

"That could be possible…" Hermione agreed.

"Instead of wondering I'm going to ask Malfoy just what the hell happened!" Ron burst out just as they reached the portrait of the Fat Lady. He quickly turned and headed back the way they came. Hermione wanted to make sure Ron didn't do anything drastic, and so she followed. She was also curious as what had happened between Malfoy and Harry.

"I suggest we go to Professor Snape's office first," Hermione panted, having to jog to keep up with Ron's lengthy strides. She smiled when Ron realized and slowed the pace.

"But Mione, I don't want to see Snape."

"Ron, this is for Harry! Suck it up!" Hermione chided. "Besides, I don't feel like running around looking for Malfoy. I'm sure Professor Snape knows exactly where to find him."

"He's not going to tell us where Malfoy is," Ron muttered as they descended the steps down to the dungeons. "Why would he tell us? He may like Harry now, but he still hates us."

"No he doesn't, Ronald. He doesn't hate us, only dislikes. That's a big difference."

Ron snorted. "Whatever."

They reached Professor Snape's office and Ron backed up with a bow to his girlfriend. "It was your idea to come here. You talk to him. I'll wait over here." Ron walked five steps away and leaned against the wall. He smiled and waved cheekily at his frowning girlfriend.

Hermione turned towards the door and took a deep breath before knocking. The only thing she heard behind the closed door was complete silence and soon began to think Professor Snape was out. That is until the door was pulled open and out stepped Severus Snape. He quickly shut the door behind him before turning and towering over her with a sneer planted firmly on his thin lips.

"And what unfortunate circumstances have led you to curse this doorway with your presence, Miss Granger?"

Hermione had to stamp down the anger his little barb produced. "I'm sorry for disturbing you Professor-"

"Somehow I doubt that," he said acidly and sent a quick glare Ron's way. "What do you want, Miss. Granger."

Hermione cleared her throat and looked at Ron. He only shrugged. No help there. "I would like to speak to Malfoy and I wondered if you knew where he might be right now."

"I'm sure I don't know where he is."

Hermione knew he was lying immediately. "Please, sir. It's about Harry. We need to speak to Malfoy to find out what happened and if maybe we can fix what went wrong. Whatever is causing Harry to act like this must stop! It’s like… It’s like we’ve lost him, sir!"

Professor Snape stared at her for a few moments, to such a degree that she knew he was having an internal debate. Finally, he seemed to nod, though he really didn't move at all.

"When I see Mr. Malfoy I will let him know you want to speak with him. I can't promise that he'll care. Now I suggest you run along back to your enchanted happy little bubble up in the Gryffindor tower before the real world comes crashing down round you."

Hermione watched, incensed, as Professor Snape turned around and slammed back into his office. She could have sworn she'd seen a flash of blond hair just as the door shut with a snap in her face. "The nerve!" she huffed. She turned and walked back to Ron.

"I told you he wouldn't help us. This was a complete waste of time."

"And did you hear his not so subtle jibe at our characters? How dare he suggest we live in sheltered ignorance and to insinuate that we don't live in the real world… well that's just- that's just wrong!" Ron and Hermione spent the rest of the time back to Gryffindor tower debating over Professor Snape's worst points.

* * *

Severus left Granger gaping in the hall and quickly shut his door before turning and heading back to his desk. When he was seated, he raised an eyebrow at the student slouched in the chair across from him.

"Did you hear any of that?" he asked Draco.

"No. Who was it?"

"Granger and Weasley. They want to talk to you about Harry."

Draco slouched further down into his chair and groaned. "Harry probably told them what happened and now they are out for my blood. I'll never get help from them again."

"You will cease this whining immediately, Draco Malfoy. It is beneath you." Severus sneered at the pathetic state his godson was in. The longer Harry ignored himself and the world, the more Draco seemed to fall into depression. Which was helping no one at all.

"Harry hasn't told them anything. I discerned this from the vacant expression in Weasley's eyes."

"Weasley's repertoire usually only consists of vacant expressions. That is nothing new," Draco drawled.

They were silent for a time. Severus continued on with his grading, while Draco remained seated and watched his godfather. He'd been doing this ever since the party. He couldn't stand to be in the same room as Blaise, and he couldn't stand not seeing Harry, so Draco usually spent his free time within Severus' office. They would talk mostly, but sometimes a good silence was needed for thought, which Draco took full advantage of. But no matter how much he thought about things, the facts of life always remained the same. Harry Potter hated Draco Malfoy more now than he ever had before and the Slytherin had no idea what he could do to fix it. The only way he could see to fix things was to get Harry alone to talk to him. But Draco knew better then to seek the Gryffindor out. He wasn't completely fearless and he believed whole heartedly in Harry's threat. The look in the Gryffindor's eyes spoke volumes about having nothing to lose.

"What do you intend to do in regards to Weasley and Granger?" Severus' sudden question pulled Draco from his thoughts.

"I suppose I shall let them talk to me. I'll let them find me tomorrow. Maybe Granger can come up with some ideas."

"This is your fault, Draco," Severus finally said.

"But Blaise was the-"

Severus glared at Draco. "No!" he snapped. "You were a participant. You allowed yourself to be pulled into a bad situation and then had the nerve, like a stupid idiot Gryffindor, to be caught in said situation. You only have yourself to blame."

Draco glared at the floor. He knew Severus was right. He did know better. He knew Blaise almost as much as he knew himself and Draco knew how his best friend became when he had one too many. He should have prepared for that; prepared to steer his horny friend away to someone else _before_ anything could happen.

* * *

Harry stepped out of the Room of Requirement under the cover of his Invisibility Cloak. It was nearing three in the morning and he knew he would regret being out this late again. It was always so hard for him to wake up these days, and especially if he stayed up late training. His body was always sore in the morning, his fingers so stiff after clutching his wand tightly all night against the magical holograms and golems of enemies.

He looked left and right, listening for any sound the castle would produce at night. When he was satisfied no one else was about, he took off quickly to the left and down the corridor that would lead him to the staircases. Harry had become very adept at moving around Hogwarts, even without the Marauder's Map. He never met anyone along his nightly walks. He'd had a few close calls with Filch but other than that, he was always able to get where he needed to go without anyone knowing.

Harry walked into his dorm room and all was relatively quiet except for the onslaught of snores coming from his dorm mates. Ron in particular. Without taking his cloak off, Harry crossed the dorm room to his bed. A few feet away from it, he tripped over something and landed with a loud thud on the floor. "Dammit, Neville," he muttered after sitting up and caught sight of what he'd tripped on. It was a book he recognized as Neville's. Harry pushed it roughly away and watched it slide across the floor to stop next to the owner's bed. Just as he stood, Ron sat up and rubbed his eyes.

"S'that you, Harry?"

Harry did not answer and instead he turned and continued on to his bed, not caring that Ron could hear his footsteps and would probably guess he was under the cloak. He crawled into his bed and whipped the curtains closed. He heard a disappointed sigh from Ron just before he cast silencing spells around his bed. Harry made himself ignore the guilt and desperate sadness he felt at ignoring his best mate, but this was for the best. For Ron and for himself. He couldn't do what needed to be done unless he separated from those he loved completely. And he couldn't allow people to get inside him anymore to create more pain and chaos. People like Draco. It hadn't taken Malfoy all that much to get inside of him, and that disturbed Harry greatly. And the fact that he had fallen for Malfoy's tricks.

But that kiss…. How could a kiss feel like that, give him everything, when it was only a fabrication. Draco only kissed him to make him feel stupid. The blond had no feelings. So how could that kiss have affected him so much?

Harry lay down after taking his shoes off, not bothering with the rest of his clothes, and stared at the canopy over his bed. A small smile lit his face as sleep came to him, his vision suddenly tunneling, the blackness surrounding everything but the two spots his eyes were focused on. He sighed when his eyes shut, the cold abyss stretching black arms out to embrace him and pull him to the silence.

* * *

The next morning, he remained in bed and did not answer any of Ron's calls. Ron sighed once again before leaving to meet Hermione down in the common room before going down to breakfast.

"I'm going to talk to Malfoy today. I don't care if he wants to or not," Hermione said after Ron told her about Harry coming in late and not saying a word back to him, and about Harry not getting up as well.

"He better talk. I'm not going to give him a choice," Ron said fiercely as he turned and searched out the Slytherin table for Malfoy. "He's not there."

"No, he's at the door. Look."

Ron turned and watched with growing fury as Malfoy sauntered- the bastard was actually sauntering- into the Great Hall. He didn't look depressed at all! Not one thing about Malfoy said he was bothered in any way. He was even smirking as if he owned the world.

"I'm going to kill him!" Ron hissed. He prepared to get up right then and there to confront the ferret, but Hermione grabbed his arm and held him in place.

"No, Ron. We need to be civil or nothing will get done. Besides, you can't be sure what's going on inside Malfoy's mind. He's used to hiding, remember? Just calm down. I'll have a word with him after Potions."

Ron huffed and stopped glaring at the Slytherin table. "Fine. But he better talk to you. If he doesn't, that means civil will not work with him and I get to do it my way."

"Okay, Ron."

* * *

During Potions, Hermione realized she was right about Malfoy and that he was only wearing a mask. All through class he would stop whatever he was doing to look over his shoulder to where Harry usually sat. And every time he realized Harry was not yet there, Malfoy would turn cold gray eyes onto Zabini who studiously ignored the blond throughout class time.

"Malfoy, a word." Hermione stood next to his desk and watched as he slowly packed his book and parchments into his bag.

"Fine," Draco sighed and sat back, stretching out his legs in front of him and crossed his arms behind his head. He looked as if she were only there for his amusement. "Speak Granger."

"First of all, you can drop the bloody act, Malfoy. We haven't any time to waste trying to figure you out. You need to be honest and tell me what happened at your party. Something happened to Harry and it has thrown him over the edge. I know you had something to do with it, so you are going to help me fix it. And if it turns out that you set out to hurt him, I promise you will pay."

"What could you do to me?"

Hermione bent down close to his face. "There's a reason why everyone calls me a know-it-all," she hissed. "It's because I know it all. You're not untouchable." She straightened and stood back. "Did you? Did you plan to hurt him all along?"

"No." Draco sat up and leaned forward, hanging his hands between his knees.

"Will you tell me what happened?" Hermione questioned after taking the seat next to him.

"I'm surprised he didn't tell you."

Hermione looked at him in surprise. "Harry doesn't talk to anyone. He's been ignoring me and Ron along with everyone else for the past week. Nothing any one says or does gains his attention. The professors are about ready to throw him into St. Mungo's. What happened, Malfoy?"

Draco hesitated to say, because he was ashamed, but finally he began to speak and told her everything.

"So that's why you're not on speaking terms with Zabini."

"It wasn't just Blaise though. I'm to blame as well."

"I'm glad you realize and can admit that, Malfoy. You may not be such a complete waste after all. Listen," she said quickly when it looked like Draco would send a scathing retort her way. "You have to talk to him."

"Were you not listening?" Draco snapped as he stood up and grabbed his bag. "I can't go near him. That will only make things worse. Come up with another idea, Granger. That one stinks!"

"Somebody has to talk to him! Ron and I have tried a million times. It's like we're just ghosts to him. Ghosts he only slightly tolerates around him because they are easily ignored."

"I'll try," Draco finally said. "But if I end up dead, I'm going to make sure you’re haunted and tortured for eternity."

"Let me do it. I'll try to talk to him."

Draco and Hermione turned to find Zabini standing just inside the door. He was also wearing a mask, but both Hermione and Draco could see the pleading behind his eyes, the begging to let him fix this.

"If he does decide to kill someone, it's better you than me," Draco said and brushed past him to disappear down the hall.

"What makes you think you can get to him if we can’t, Zabini?"

"Even if he's ignoring the world, he can still hear what's being said. I just need to get his attention before his temper turns violent."

"Which will be in only a couple of seconds the moment he sees you."

"Like I said, I can only try."

"Just see that you don't do any more damage, Zabini. You can either catch him early when he's on his way to class, or late at night. Maybe between classes. He disappears somewhere and doesn't get back to the dorm until the early morning hours." With a stiff nod, Hermione left, leaving Blaise alone in the classroom to think about what he would say to Potter after he managed to catch him.

* * *

Harry debated on whether or not he should get up for second half of classes. He decided he better, otherwise he'd have a number of Professors seeking him out, and Harry would rather not have to interact with anyone. So he chose to get up and made himself take a shower before he dressed and headed off to D.A.D.A. Halfway there he remembered Malfoy was in that class as well, and his steps faltered. He cursed under his breath, angry that the blond could still make him react. The fact that Malfoy wasn't acting at all like he should be was disturbing him even more. Why wasn't Malfoy celebrating? Shouldn't Malfoy be making fun of him with his Slytherin buddies? Why did it seem like the entire school was, for once, not in the loop about what had happened? Surely Malfoy would have boasted to the whole school by now.

"Hey Potter!"

Harry cursed his thoughts. He'd been so caught up in them he hadn't seen or sensed Zabini coming up on him. And this was the last person on earth he wanted to talk to, especially after having Malfoy on his mind.

He stopped and turned to face Blaise. "Leave me alone, Zabini." His voice was coarse, and Zabini thought it was from non-use. In actuality, Harry's voice was raw from yelling curses and defensive spells all night long.

"Listen Potter. I promised some very concerned people that I would talk to you," Zabini said as he approached the trembling Gryffindor.

Harry closed his hands into fists. Trying to push back the rage Zabini’s presence induced. "I don't want to hear anything coming from you.”

"Then what about Draco? He needs to talk to you." Potter gave him a look of utter disbelief before he turned and began to walk on to their class.

"You're sick. The both of you!"

"It wasn't a game!" Blaise jogged to catch up, expecting a curse to come at him from nowhere. But he was determined. There was no way Potter could be closed off from everyone so suddenly. Something he said had to get through. "It wasn't some stupid joke, Potter! Draco really does fancy you. You have no idea! And when you saw us, that was all me. I was drunk and I took advantage of the fact Draco was also. The moment he realized it was me, he told me to push off. You weren't wrong to trust him—Potter!" Blaise called when Harry stopped and began to walk away the way they came.

"It doesn't matter anymore, Zabini. I don't care anymore," Harry called back, his shouts echoing through the empty halls as if they were ghosts themselves.

"That's shite," Blaise muttered as he continued on to their class. "He cares."

* * *

Harry stormed into the Room of Requirement and slammed the door shut before belting out a frustrated scream. What the fuck did he have to do to get people to leave him alone? He didn't want to be told it wasn't a joke, which would explain why Malfoy wasn’t prancing all over the school and laughing about it. Harry would have happily lived the remainder of his days without having to think that just maybe he might have jumped to conclusions about Draco's motives. Another forceful scream echoed around the room. Harry realized he'd never been in control at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, how bout a review? Pretty please :)


	8. Chapter 8

Ron's head hit the table for the third time in the last ten minutes. He silently cursed stupid History of Magic. A class he sadly discovered was mandatory for seventh years. At the beginning of the year it wasn't so bad but he'd had Harry in there with him so it was slightly bearable. But now Harry used every chance he could get to skip out and had missed the last few classes, leaving Ron to waste away the time by himself. Hermione was there as well but she was the only one in the class who paid attention and took notes word for word as Professor Binns droned on.

Picking up his head, Ron scanned the classroom the Gryffindors shared with the Slytherins, and eventually his eyes stopped on the bowed head of Draco Malfoy. The ferret was hunched over parchment, furiously scribbling but Ron was sure it wasn't anything about what Binns was speaking about. He couldn't help but be curious about what Malfoy was writing and whether or not it pertained to Harry. But then he thought that was unlikely. Why would he be writing about Harry? Maybe he was writing to Harry?

Ron glanced at the door and straightened when he noticed Harry had actually come to class today. It was still painful to know Harry preferred to sit so far away from him and Hermione. He didn't even move to acknowledge Ron's presence, but at least he was there, slouched in his seat at the back nearest to the door. His eyes were pinned on Professor Binns though Ron knew Harry was staring straight through the professor to the wall and Ron wished to know what his friend was thinking about.

He turned back to look at Malfoy again. He didn't know Harry was there and it looked like only Ron was aware Harry finally showed up for a class. Neville and Dean were sleeping behind him and Seamus' head was bent low over his desk and he was being amused by drawing anything and everything he could think of and making it come to life. Once in a while laughter floated around the room from Seamus' direction when he drew something he thought particularly funny.

Ron moved closer to Hermione, glancing down her blouse as he did so. She gave him an annoyed look, but did not move away. "Harry's here," he told her quietly. "Don't make a big deal out of it though." He was pretty sure overreacting would only make Harry want to leave again, class be damned. Hermione nodded her understanding, though she chanced a peek at Harry over her shoulder. Harry was still frowning off at nothing.

Hermione faced the front and softly sighed while putting a hand in Ron's face and pushing him away. There was a time and place for ogling and this wasn't it. She picked up her quill to resume her note taking, though she wasn't paying as much attention to the Professor as before. From the short glance she noticed subtle changes in Harry. His body was leaner, toned better then he was a month ago. She was happy to think Harry had been grabbing regular meals in the kitchens too. That was something she had worried the most about. Since he stopped going to the Great Hall for meals Hermione was never sure he was eating properly. Forgetting to eat was a frequent tendency of his. But he did look healthy, for the most part. Harry looked almost normal again except for the eyes. They were still dark and hollow and it always made her sad to see.

On the other hand… Hermione looked back again. Harry wasn't staring at the wall anymore. His brows were furrowed in thought while a small frown hovered on his lips. He was obviously thinking about something and she thought it was a blessing he didn't look completely dead inside. He was staring at Malfoy now, studying his bent head with such a deep searching look that Hermione felt a glimmer of hope for her friend.

She glanced at Malfoy to see if he noticed he was being watched but it didn't look like it. His eyes were glued to the parchment in front of him. She inwardly huffed and willed Malfoy to turn his head and see Harry.

* * *

Draco was writing nonsense really. Only thoughts and questions passing through his mind. It all seemed so pointless though. Useful answers never came to mind and his frustration continued to grow. Yet he continued to write down these feelings despite that. He started with the intention of keeping his mind occupied enough to keep from thinking about Harry. But in the end, just like everything else, that failed and now every thought, feeling, and question he wrote down was all about Harry one way or another. Sometimes he closed his eyes to block out the words, not wanting to see them… only to be assaulted with the vision of emerald eyes shining with betrayal at him from behind his closed eyelids. His eyes were quick to open whenever that happened. Unfortunately for Draco it happened quite often.

 _Fucking Blaise. Him and his drunken libido. And me. Stupid idiot that I am._ Draco looked over at his friend and scowled, prepared to stay mad at him for at least half a year if Harry never came to believe what happened was an accident on Draco's part. Satisfied with the amount of glaring passed to Blaise within a class time, Draco returned gray eyes to his desk and worried and sank further down into his own depression.

His eyes were almost as empty as Harry's. Understandable considering he was feeling pretty damn empty as well. It was always so painful to think about… Harry in his arms. Harry actually finally smiling at _him_. Harry's mouth sliding over his. Bodies melding perfectly together. The heat… The heat was fantastic and Draco wanted it back so much... _You need to think about something else._ Draco dropped the quill to rest his head in his hands before closing his eyes, trying desperately to send those taunting memories away.

He thought about Blaise and how the wanker managed to talk to Harry. That was a week ago and Blaise was certain something he said must have gotten through. Draco's shoulders sunk further down in disappointment. He wasn't so sure Blaise had succeeded in any way.

Harry was very stubborn. Even if he believed it was a misunderstanding, he would hold on to the pain of being betrayed that night. It would make his goal to reach death easier. Make it easier for him to leave this earth when he kept himself detached from anyone he cared about. Draco wasn't certain this was what Harry was actually doing. But it's what he would do if planning to eventually take his own life.

He jerked his elbow away from the corner of the desk when he saw something climbing onto it. Lips curled into a sneer of disgust when he realized it was a caterpillar. He lifted his History text, preparing to squash the impudent insect when he noticed it wasn't real. The insect was made out of paper.

 _What the hell?_ He lowered the book and watched the small worm thing unfold into a tiny scrap of paper. He instantly recognized Granger's handwriting. _Malfoy, Harry's in class. Look. Don't make it obvious._ Draco stiffened without meaning to. Two days had passed since he last saw Harry. And their eyes had not made contact since the party. It was torture to go all day, every day without looking at the Gryffindor. Blaise had only been kidding when he once mentioned Draco to be in love with Harry Potter. But it was the truth. Draco knew that now. There was no hope for his future without Harry.

After a couple of minutes another note appeared and he watched as it too uncurled. _What the hell are you waiting for? Look, you idiot!_ Really, somebody should read to Granger the definition of patience. He was trying to prepare himself in case Harry was sending him another death glare. Each and every glare Harry sent his way was just as effective as a stake through the heart. It hurt a hell of a lot. And worse, because he knew he deserved it.

Draco took a breath and carelessly glanced over his shoulder. The Gryffindor had taken to sitting as close to the door as possible in classes he actually attended. And he was there now, slouched forward in his seat and making Draco want to grimace over his posture. But Draco kept his face blank as his eyes finally met dark green. Draco's limbs began to tremble in relief when he realized there was no glare this time. Only an intense study that could mean anything. Harry wasn't easy to read this time and Draco had the impulse to turn away. But… he wanted to look at Harry, study him, and savor what he could. And if he looked away, that might make him look guilty. Draco knew he was partly to blame for what happened, but he never meant to hurt Harry and he wasn't going to do something to make Harry believe otherwise. Looking away like a guilty wanker, for example.

He steadied his breathing, his shaking hands, and continued to face Harry who hadn't moved his gaze away or corrected his horrible posture. Harry's eyes bore into his and the Slytherin was almost certain his mind was on display and Harry could see exactly how much he needed him. If Draco didn't know Harry was a lousy Legilimens, he would have thought that's exactly what was happening, and worse, there was no way he could pull his gaze away even if he wanted to.

* * *

Harry stepped into class with a silent groan. His self-control was slipping, obviously. That's the only reason why he was here now. It certainly wasn't because he wanted to learn something. It must be the Gryffindor in him because he needed the truth no matter what else happened. He didn't want to leave hating Malfoy for something that had been out of his control. He ignored the voice pointing out he was only making up excuses as he settled into his seat.

The wall behind Professor Binns wasn't particularly interesting to look at. But it gave him something to do while debating with himself. Hogwarts would soon be behind him in a week's time. He was ready to seek Voldemort out, and then… his own end. Trying to find closure like this was stupid and pointless. Did it really matter if Draco never intended to hurt him? Should he care if Zabini was telling the truth about that night or not? No, he shouldn't care. But he did care, Merlin help him. He cared too damn much!

Harry scanned the room without actually moving his head, trying not to draw any attention to himself. Ron and Hermione were trying to act as if he weren't there. Inside he thought it funny. They weren't doing a very good job of ignoring him, and he was more amused than annoyed by this. Dean and Neville were behind them and several seats over from Harry, and both were sound asleep. Neville's cheek was plastered against the desk with both arms thrown over it, hands dangling over the edge. Dean's head was tipped back against the wall; mouth wide open and slack jawed. Harry was surprised he wasn't snoring. Seamus certainly wasn't bothered by it and amused himself by drawing perverted cartoons.

Further down from Seamus was Parkinson. She sat in the far corner and Harry narrowed his eyes as they lingered on her a moment. She better have given correct and current information, otherwise he was about to end up wasting a lot of time and then, worse, he would have to start the search all over again. He wondered if he should ask Draco after all… But Draco, being the intelligent bloke he was, would immediately know what Harry was about and start asking questions he was not prepared to answer.

Harry couldn't delay any longer and finally looked at Draco. He tried and failed several times to refer to Draco as Malfoy, but that never worked out. In his mind the blond would forever be Draco. It was really quite annoying. So now he was looking at Draco, who sat in the middle of a group of Slytherins and yet Harry had the distinct impression the blond was very much alone. Weird.

Draco looked over his shoulder at Zabini and glared. Harry denied it almost immediately, but he felt a small blossom of pleasure knowing Draco was angry with Zabini. It was probably over something not related, but still… Without realizing, Harry dropped an arm on his desk and leaned forward to study Draco's profile more closely. Fine, yes. He missed looking at the bloke. But who wouldn't? And yes. He wanted Draco to look his way. He wanted to see what was in those gray eyes.

Only… Draco didn't seem to be aware of anything except for the parchment in front of him. And then his head was in his hands and Harry quickly looked away when Draco squeezed his eyes closed as if pain. It was hard enough simply watching Draco; he didn't want to be distracted by suddenly worrying about the wanker as well. He couldn't afford to worry about anyone but himself. When he looked back he was surprised to find the blond had moved into another position. Draco had his textbook raised over the desk poised to hit something with it. Harry sat back and shook his head in confusion. _What the hell?_

Harry returned to his previous position as Draco slowly lowered the book. Draco was studying something at the corner of his desk. The view was not a good one for Harry so he tried craning his neck to get a better look but Draco's head was bent low over his desk and he was shielding whatever _it_ was with his arms.

Two seconds passed before Draco visibly stiffened. Harry moved to the edge of his seat wondering what was going on and it never occurred to him how odd it was being so curious about what Draco was looking at. He just wanted to know what was going on. And then he caught Hermione flicking her wand under her desk. Green eyes followed the point of her wand and found there was a paper caterpillar inching its way up the back leg of Draco's table. Oh, so that was it. He recognized the caterpillar as a note since he had been the recipient of those on more than a few occasions. So Draco was finally aware he was in class today.

Hermione's interference was shrugged off. He wanted to see Draco's face anyway. She helped him out in the end. But would Draco look at him and if he did what would he see? Guilt, perhaps… Harry rather believed a smug smirk. He continued to believe Draco played him like a fool.

The sneer forming on Harry's face froze when the gray ice of the Slytherin's eyes suddenly assaulted him and he nearly lost the ability to breathe. Draco was certainly not smirking. If anything he looked apprehensive. And then his eyes flickered and Harry was sure this was when he would see it. The smugness. The sneering gaze Draco used when he wanted the world to know he was better than anyone and anything else around. But there were no sneers, no trace of smugness... Draco's face remained the same but his eyes were pleading and swimming with remorse.

And then Draco mouthed the words, "I'm sorry."

Harry blinked. Draco continued to look at him with expectation and he blinked again before looking around. No one seemed to be paying attention to the two of them. Except for Hermione and Ron, but they weren't going to be in on this if it actually was a joke planned by the Slytherin. He knew that without doubt.

Harry's eyes narrowed when he looked back at Draco. The git's face was exactly the same. He was not supposed to act this way! Malfoys brag and sneer and smirk. They're arseholes to the tenth degree! And not once had he ever heard Draco apologize for anything to anyone. Not once! Until now… This was not what he wanted to see.

Draco's lips moved again and even if he couldn't hear it, Harry could see the pleading in his eyes. "Harry… Please. I'm sorry."

* * *

Probably a mistake, Draco thought as he watched Harry escape the classroom as quickly and quietly as a ghost. Not particularly the smartest thing he’d ever done, but he was unable to stop his lips from moving. Draco's head tipped back and he covered his face with his hands. A frustrated growl slipped past his fingers, waking most students up from their stupors. Blaise looked in time to see Weasley pelt the back of his head with a large wad of paper but Draco sat there in despairing silence without retaliation.

"What the fuck, Malfoy?" Weasley hissed. "We haven't seen him in ages!"

Granger nudged him. "Stop it. He's gone. Can't be helped now."

Draco grabbed his stuff and transferred to the seat next to Granger. He would have laughed at Weasel's shocked face if he hadn't more important things to worry about.

"Where does he go? What's he doing?"

Weasley's face turned three shades redder and he looked properly affronted. "Like we would tell you!"

"We're not sure what he's been up to, but we've made a few good guesses," Granger answered him.

"Hermione!"

"Ron…"

Draco waved an impatient hand in front of Granger's face. "What good guesses?"

Granger glanced to the Slytherin side of the classroom. "We'll talk about this later. You two should get back to taking notes."

Weasley snorted when Draco stared back in disbelief. Granger then glared at Weasley until he picked up a quill and prepared to pretend to take notes. Behind him, Draco heard Thomas, Longbottom, and Finnigan laughing at the Weasel. That was until Granger turned around and glared at them too. Draco thought moving away now would be a brilliant idea since there was no way in hell he was going to start to take notes, but then Granger's glare was on him and he found he couldn't move out of his seat. The only thing he could do was to take out his ink, parchment, and quill. He wanted her help after all. Best not make her mad. He sneered at the paper in front of him and then sneered at the transparent back of their History Professor. Binns was boring and Malfoys do not listen to boring people.

Draco sighed and dipped his quill into the ink. The tip remained in the black liquid as his thoughts ran away once again. Harry wasn't boring. He was the exact opposite of boring. When he wasn't being psychotic, that is. What the hell was wrong with Harry anyway? Why the fuck did he _want_ to die? He had friends. He had family- in this case he meant the Weasley's. He has adoring fans, fantastic Quidditch skills, and vaults full of Galleons. Draco was sure of that. As his future partner, Harry had to be checked out financially. Draco was relieved and pleasantly surprised when he learned exactly how wealthy Green Eyes was. So yeah, Harry had money. Thank Merlin. So financial problems was obviously not the reason for the death seeking. Draco was understandably confused. He had no idea why Harry was so depressed. The stupid Gryffindor was going to destroy Voldemort. Draco was sure Harry wouldn't fail in that and he was pretty sure that's the outcome Harry knew would happen as well. So once snake face was gone, Harry wouldn't really have any problems. Why would he want to die then?

Draco released the quill and fingered the parchment. Perhaps Severus might have an idea. They never really discussed the why of Harry's suicidal thoughts. Only of what they could do to prevent it. If they could discover why then it might be easier to find a better way to help the Gryffindor.

Draco had to endure the rest of History of Magic and his next class Transfiguration before Granger would give it up at lunchtime.

"Eating is what people usually do at lunch, Granger," he drawled when he found her again waiting just outside of the Great Hall. "We had time after History of Magic."

"I'm sorry, Malfoy. But I didn't."

"Anyway, tell me what I want to know," he commanded as he looked into the Hall and scanned for Harry. Absent as always.

"Let's go to the kitchen first. Ron's meeting us there."

Draco's frustration escaped him as a growl when she walked away. He hated following. Detested it. He was a leader, not a follower. But, he reminded himself, this was for Harry and so he followed with minimal complaining.

* * *

"That's your guess, Granger? You think he's training to go after You-Know-Who alone?" Draco asked in disbelief once he and two-thirds of the Golden trio settled at a table. Granger had immediately started by telling him her idea and Draco thought it surely must be a joke. No one wanted to find the Dark Lord… not to mention alone. But Granger stared steadily back at him with no indication that she was joking. "Not only is that ridiculous," he went on, "it's suicid-" Draco paled and she finally nodded.

Weasley snorted. "Yeah, it's a good thing Harry's not trying to kill himself. He would have an easy job of it."

Draco sneered at him. "And you call yourself his friend."

Weasley sat up straight and glared across the table at him. "I am his friend, Malfoy. What of it?"

"Granger, talk to him. Fill the clueless bugger in on what should have been apparent to him long ago. I can't be bothered." Draco stood and began to pace the length of the table. He couldn't move beyond that as the floor was covered with busy house elves rushing about. Why the hell were they in the kitchen anyway?

As Granger went on to tell Weasley the obvious, Draco tuned them out. That made a hell of a lot of sense. Harry seeking the Dark Lord. That's just like Harry. Take the fight away from those he wished to spare from pain. Pack it all on his back and march the desert alone. Separate and detach from his friends and family, anyone having a connection, go after the bad guy and kill two birds with one stone. That would explain Harry's disappearances and the subtle change to his physique. Subtle and very nice, in Draco's opinion. If only the life was back in Harry's eyes. Draco felt a stirring in his cock just thinking about it. He rushed to sit back down and scolded himself. Now was not the time to start fantasizing about Harry's gorgeous body.

"Blimey," Weasley whispered when Granger was finished explaining. Draco wondered how Weasley could have missed the signs, being so close to Harry and everything. But Weasley was known to be as thick as Crabbe and Goyle sometimes.

"Right. Now that we're on the same page…" Draco turned to Granger, "you must know where he goes."

"No one does. He's very good at disappearing." She looked at Weasley when he nodded. "And we try and follow him at times, but somehow Harry always disappears without a trace."

"We thought maybe the Room of Requirement," Ron admitted. "But he's never there when we get in. We've tried random classrooms, secret passageways… And everything is so much harder because he has the map and his Invisibility Cloak."

Draco perked up. "Really, an Invisibility Cloak? Wicked! What map? Hey!" Draco snapped his fingers in the direction of a passing house elf. "Lunch! Now, please!"

Weasley nodded excitedly. "Yeah, we used to get up to all sorts of fun with the cloak."

"Not fun when you get into trouble," Granger muttered. "Like the time we snuck out to the Great Hall at midnight and then you and Harry ended up caught by Filch." She snorted and looked at Draco. “He caught them completely starkers. It was so funny. You should have seen your face, Ron! Brilliant!"

"Filch gives me the creeps every time he looks at Harry and me now," Ron replied with a humongous shudder.

Harry, as fate would have it, entered the kitchen just then, covered with the same Invisibility Cloak. For a moment he thought about leaving when he heard voices, but since he was hungry and he was under the cloak, he continued deeper into the kitchen, not caring if there was someone else around. Thanks to his cloak, he could grab lunch and go without being bothered. Dobby and the other house elves knew when he was about and Dobby swore not to tell anyone he frequented the kitchen often. Turning the corner, the main kitchen area came into view and Harry stopped short when he noticed who exactly occupied one of the worktables.

What the fuck were Ron and Hermione doing here with Draco of all people? Did they do this often? Since when do they socialize outside of a dance floor or classroom? And they were socializing…happily? Harry eyed them speculatively as the house elves served them lunch. He raised an eyebrow when Draco offered a thanks to the elf who dropped off his lunch.

"I want to know two things," Draco began by holding up two fingers in front of Ron's face. "What the hell were you doing in the Great Hall at midnight, and why were you and Harry naked? If you give me an answer that causes horrible visions, I will kill you. So choose your words wisely, Weasley."

Hermione giggled. "Not like that, Malfoy. It was one of the twins' pranks that backfired…"

Harry's eyes widened. She wouldn't! She would never tell Draco… Harry's cheeks started to burn with embarrassment as Hermione went ahead and told Draco about the covert mission Fred and George sent them on last year. Somehow everything had gone wrong and the twins' product malfunctioned. The twins swore the wrapped boxes were supposed to open and the person who looked in them would then shrink to the size of the box and the prank would only last a few minutes. But instead of their bodies shrinking, their clothes shrank and disappeared, leaving them nude. Hermione was quick to grab the Invisibility Cloak and put it on before Harry and Ron knew what happened. Then she refused to share.

"And you stood there giggling the whole time until Filch opened the door," Ron said with a frown before turning to Draco. "Then we didn't see her till the next day at breakfast."

"I certainly wasn't about to hang around and get in trouble. From the beginning I told you it was a bad idea. Trusting one of Fred and George's pranks. That was stupid."

Draco snickered. "Granger's obviously the smart one."

Ron frowned. "If it was so stupid then why'd you come with us? You lost your clothes too!"

"Yes, but she didn't stick around to get in trouble," Draco defended.

Harry stood back and watched Draco with his friends. Friends he continued to push away. It was hard seeing them like this. Then they started to speak in serious tones. Draco began like he was picking up on something they'd been talking about before Harry came to the kitchen.

"So you have no idea where he goes?"

"We never did try the Chamber," Hermione said thoughtfully, returning to their previous topic. "That would be a perfect place and only Harry can get down there because he's a _Parselmouth_."

"Surely Dumbledore knows how to get down there now," Draco surmised.

"Yeah, and Snape."

Hermione looked between Malfoy and Ron, and was relieved to see they were as relaxed around each other as they had been at the Slytherin party. She suspected that night their civility to each other had been largely due to the alcohol. But it seemed, in both cases, the two wizards were being civil for the sake of Harry. And that was even better.

"He was looking all right though, in class," she said. Draco and Ron nodded. "And I don't think he's been skipping meals like we first thought."

"Then he's been sneaking into the kitchen," Ron said with a small amount of jealousy. Draco sneered at him before an idea struck him. He sat up straight and started grinning.

"Then we'll lay in wait for him here."

"We?" Ron asked in surprise.

Draco gave him a disbelieving look. Hermione sighed and roll her eyes. "Ron, they do fancy each other."

Ron shook his head violently as his temper flared as it was prone to do. "But you're the one who did this, Malfoy! You must be joking if you want me to trust you with my best mate again. You're the reason why Harry wants to die!"

Draco gripped the edge of the table. "I didn't mean for it to happen," he ground out. "How many times must I swear it? I'm half to blame for it, yeah, but I never wanted to hurt Harry. Stupid Blaise is not the one I want!" Draco lost his poise and slammed his fist onto the table. Several nearby house elves squeaked in fright and scurried off. Harry's breathing hitched at the determination and honesty shining on Draco's face. He was definitely not prepared to see Draco this way.

"Okay, Malfoy… Calm down. And Ron, Malfoy is not the reason for Harry wanting to end his life. Understand?" Ron reluctantly nodded. "All right, now let's think about this…" Hermione ran her hand over the table. Draco grimaced when she finally held up an index finger covered in crumbs from Ron's sandwich. "Firstly, we can't ambush him here. I really don't think we can ambush him anywhere."

"Well why not?" Ron asked.

"What then?" she asked back. "Are we going to rope and gag him? You think he would like that? You think that's going to get through to him or help in any way?"

Ron lowered his head as he shook it. "No."

"Don't know about Harry, but I would very much like to rope and gag him…" Draco paused and his eyes glazed over as he thought about it. "Maybe not gag, but definitely the rope part. I think we'd have fun."

Harry choked on his next breath and for one wild minute he thought he'd been heard as the three at the table fell silent, though Draco's eyes were shining brightly and if Harry wasn't mistaken, the look in the blond's eyes told him he was still fanaticizing about the rope and gag right there at the table. Against his will, his own body was reacting to the look on Draco's face. Certain parts were tingling and tightening, sending heat waves of desire through every inch of him. He was surprised the three at the table couldn't feel the heat coming off him.

"Malfoy…" Ron warned. "I don't want to hear anything about that. Get enough of that from Seamus and Dean."

Draco smirked. "You're just jealous."

Hermione clapped her hands. "Attention, please."

"Listen, Granger. Let me have a take on trailing him. I'll have better luck at it."

"Oh I bet you would," Ron snapped. "Being the slimy slithering git that you are." Hermione rolled her eyes at Ron, but Draco continued to smirk.

"Thank you, Weasley. I take that as a great compliment."

"He could be in here right now if he's using the cloak," Ron suddenly said. The three students fell silent and their eyes searched the kitchen. Even though he knew they couldn't see him, Harry felt if he moved they would. They finally decided Harry was not in the kitchen and went back to talking. Only then did Harry gather enough courage to move and headed to the door as quietly as he came. He couldn't stand to hear anymore. Not when his head was already buzzing with doubts.

* * *

Defense Against the Dark Arts followed lunch and Draco approached the class with apprehension. He was so nervous… Harry might attend this class as well. He came to History of Magic, so it was reasonable to think Harry would come to DADA as well.

"Draco darling, what are you doing walking with the Mudblood and her pet Weasel?" Pansy asked coming up beside them with a disgusted sneer for the Gryffindors.

Weasley opened his mouth as his face took on a remarkable likeness of a tomato, but Draco held a hand up to stay his speech. "Fuck off, bitch," Draco said in Weasley's place. "I've more important things to think about now and I don't have the time to converse with gold digging harpies at the moment. Come back in a million years. I might have time then."

Granger snorted and then tried to hide her snickers against Weasley's shoulder. Parkinson looked stunned for about two seconds before she gathered her ammunition.

"Really, Draco dear. Watch your language or I'll have to tell your daddy. You know how he gets when angry."

Draco stopped walking and his hands clenched into white knuckled fists. "N-never talk about him to me again." He was unable to keep the rage from lacing each and every word. Rage coming from the greatest betrayal of his family. His father's disownment of him was still very painful. Probably always would be.

"Oh, I do apologize." Pansy's smile was saccharine. "Does Drakie Poo miss his mummy and daddy? Would you like me to send them an owl for-"

Pansy's voice was suddenly cut off. She turned venomous eyes onto Granger and Weasley, thinking they cast the Silencio spell, but they only raised amused eyebrows and gazed over her shoulder while Draco stared down at her with pale features and a twitching eyebrow… if she weren't a woman Draco would gladly fatten her lip. Maybe he'd do it anyway despite her female organs. Her face resembled a small animal instead of a woman anyway. He was drawn out of those thoughts when Granger nudged him and lifted her chin in the direction behind Pansy. Draco's eyes widened minutely as the man of his dreams approached with a dark look on his face.

"Parkinson. You shouldn't speak if you have nothing good to say." Harry's eyes flickered as he glanced at Draco. But then his eyes hardened once again as he came to stand outside of the classroom door. "I believe I've just done the world a huge favor by cutting off your horrid voice." And then he went in.

Pansy gasped in outrage before rushing into the class behind him, no doubt heading straight for the Professor. Draco dropped his eyes to the floor and relaxed his hands.

"He just helped me, right? What does that mean?" Draco turned to the Gryffindors beside him. "Am I forgiven?"

Weasley shrugged, but was looking in better spirits after seeing the emotion swirling in Harry's eyes. "Looks like you didn't completely fuck it up after all."

"Though he didn't look entirely pleased to see any of us." Granger commented quietly as they walked into the room.

Draco separated from the Gryffindors and headed over to the Slytherin side. He may be cooperating with two halves of the Golden Trio, but that didn't make him a bloody Gryffindor and he wasn't about to sit down with Granger and the Weasel for more time than absolutely necessary. He sat at his regular place in the middle of the classroom while his classmates arranged and settled around him. Harry was sitting at the back once again, and Draco felt his eyes on him. He briefly thought about hanging it all and going to sit beside Harry, but those green eyes darkened in warning as if Harry knew exactly what he was thinking. Draco preferred to stay alive, unlike some people, and decided remaining where he was would be better.

Harry snorted quietly to himself and continued to watch. Without fail the Slytherins did this, arrange around the Slytherin prince. Even Parkinson was doing it after several glares from her fellow classmates. Draco relaxed into his seat and ignored what was going on around him. He was still their undisputable leader, despite his denouncement of Voldemort. Harry couldn't help feeling the highest respect for the blond. Slytherins jump at the chance to backstab to save their own skins, but somehow Draco had managed to keep his title as leader. That command of respect and natural leadership was something Harry found incredibly attractive.

 _Stop thinking about him._ The voice from the dark whispered. A low silky voice that always had Harry thinking about the abyss. The voice drew him into the controlled darkness, the quiet and the warmth. It was odd, Harry thought while resting his head on the desk and closing his eyes. The darkness was warm. When he slept and floated, nothing could disturb or frighten him. Fear could not penetrate the warm darkness always cocooning him.

Harry smiled against his arm. He was almost there. All he needed to do was plan out the journey to Voldemort, kill the psychotic bastard, and then he would be free. And he wouldn't have to fear and wonder about his future. Wondering where to go once he was of no more use to the world. _Who says you would become useless? Your fears are unjustified and simply stupid._ Harry inwardly groaned. Having Draco's voice in his head was bad. Green eyes peaked over his arm to look between the rows of students. Draco was smirking at Parkinson who tried to complain to Zabini about being silenced, but the Italian studiously ignored the bint. Ron was having a time laughing and pointing at her, doing a great job of building Parkinson's anger. Hermione shook her head slightly at her boyfriend's antics, but left him alone in order to give the DADA Professor her undivided attention.

Professor Travelone. Harry didn't hate the Professor, but he didn't like him either. Travelone had to be the most boring teacher at school. Older than Dumbledore, always hunched over, a head shorter than Harry, and always going on in the same boring tone. Harry was sure Professors Binns and Travelone were related in some way. And it was so easy to drift away into unhelpful thoughts the moment Travelone began his lectures.

Harry's eyes invariably moved back to Draco. He scowled when he realized the uneasiness he felt was fear. Fear of Draco. Fear of losing sight of his goal. It was impossible to look at Draco and continue to wish for the darkness. It just seemed wrong. The Slytherin looked anything but dark. Blond hair, pale skin, and intense eyes… Gray eyes always piercing Harry with some deep meaning that did nothing but shoot white-hot light into Harry's head even as he tried to figure out what the Slytherin's eyes were telling him. Yeah, he had trouble thinking about the darkness when Draco was a bloody bright beacon…

Harry frowned. Thinking about Draco would lead him nowhere fast. So maybe Draco was mostly innocent. The bloke really did want him and everything with Zabini had been an awful misunderstanding. So what? Getting mixed up with Draco now would be foolish and he had plans. He was leaving and taking no one with him. Maybe he would accept Draco's apology, but that was all. If he wasn't careful Draco could swallow him. Harry couldn't have that. The darkness was the only thing Harry wanted to surrender to now.


	9. Chapter 9

"Enter."

Harry opened the door to Severus' office and stepped in, though he remained close to the opened door.

"Harry." Severus stood, his surprise at seeing the aloof student fading away after a few moments. "Have a seat, if you wish." He waved to the seat in front of his desk, hoping fervently that the boy would take it. But Harry shook his head and backed up a space until he was standing back on the threshold.

"Sorry, Professor… I came by because, well, I wanted to say thank you."

Severus narrowed his eyes as he rounded the desk. "And why am I being honored with a thank you from Harry Potter?"

Harry couldn't help but grin at the snarky question. It was just so Snape. It was a good memory to have in mind when the end came. "Just thanks for everything you've done for me, I suppose. For talking with me this year, treating me like an equal instead of a child's toy. For finally seeing me and not my father when you look at me."

"Harry. Have a seat," Severus said almost desperately.

Harry quickly shook his head and backed out until he was in the hallway. "There's a study session in a few minutes… I just wanted you to know that you made a difference in my life, Professor, good and bad. I'm thankful to have met you."

Severus watched in nothing short of shock as Harry turned with a wave and walked away. After a moment he went after the boy, a strange panic driving him forward and out into the hall. But all he found when out of his office was an empty hallway. Severus stood there for several minutes, running Harry's words through his head, going over the expressions crossing the Gryffindor's face… As he went back into his office, he couldn't help but think he was missing something.

* * *

Harry watched Draco as the Slytherin crossed the yard with Zabini and some other seventh year Slytherins, heading towards the same tree by the lake where he heard Draco proclaim to the entire world just how much he hated Pansy Parkinson. Harry raised his hand to his face, remembering the feel of Draco's hand on his cheek…

Dropping his hand to his side, Harry made his way forward, eyes only intent on that platinum blond hair, his resolve firm. Draco was looking somewhat upset as he leaned against the tree, glaring at the ground and did not see Harry approaching. Which was probably a good thing. Harry had no intention of letting the bloke say a word, to open his mouth and say things Harry couldn't and did not want to hear. He briefly wondered why they were outside right now when all the other seventh years were inside, getting ready for the Hufflepuff party.

Daphne Greengrass spotted him half way there and nudged the blond to get his attention. Harry nearly faltered when those gray eyes lifted and captured him in his vision. Harry allowed himself to study those eyes. They had a look of relieved surprise in them that Draco did not quickly wash away as he would normally. Harry allowed himself to enjoy watching the emotions on his formal rival's face as he continued on in his quick pace until he was standing in front of him.

"Ha- Potter?" the blond whispered when he came to stop in front of him, and Draco pushed away from the tree.

Harry shook his head slightly as he moved, only wanting one thing. He wanted to take with him one thing, and maybe leave something behind to be remembered by. Draco's eyes widened comically as his lips were suddenly assaulted by the Gryffindor's, then slid shut on their own accord as Harry brutally pushed him against the tree, wrapping one arm around the tall blond's waist and cupping the back of Draco's head with a hand. He purposely dominated the kiss, pushing his tongue past lips that were just so perfect for kissing. He felt Draco's shock melt away as his body relaxed, but when Draco tried to grip him around the waist, he quickly took hold of Draco's hands to keep them pressed against his sides, having no intention of giving up the dominating control he had over the kiss. And he was dominating it. He pressed against Draco, his tongue once again trying to memorize every contour, every taste of the Slytherin's mouth. He barely smiled in response to Draco's moan of pleasure when he sucked on his tongue.

Unfortunately, this had to end and Harry moaned as he pulled away, sorry for breaking contact, but knowing lingering any longer was detrimental to his mind. He watched a moment as Draco panted for air, staring down at him with burning gray eyes and ignored the stares of Draco's posse.

Harry opened his mouth to say good bye, but found his tongue stuck. He couldn't say it. He silently cursed when he realized he didn't want to say good bye. But he wanted to say something…

"Draco," he began in a thick voice. He took a breath, opened his mouth, and still nothing would come out. "I have to go," he finally said as he turned and hurried away, hoping Draco would stay in his shocked state, giving him enough time to get away and disappear.

Once Harry was out of earshot, Daphne squealed, "well damn! Draco? Draco!" She shook his arm, watching as the glazed look left his eyes.

Blaise came over and smirked. "Who knew Potter could dominate like that?"

Draco was ignoring them. He watched Harry disappear into the castle and suddenly felt very sick. That kiss had screamed of good bye.

Draco began to quickly walk after the Gryffindor. "Blaise." The recently forgiven best friend fell in step beside him. "Find Granger and Weasley. Tell them to meet me in Professor Snape's office."

Blaise grin slipped away and he nodded, not liking the panicked tremor in his friend's voice. Once inside they separated. Draco going straight to Severus and Blaise searching out the Gryffindors. Draco didn't even bother to try and find Harry. He was gone, disappeared as always. Granger was right. If Harry didn't want to be seen or found, no one would. Draco spent all of his free time trying to find Harry over the last week, and never found him. He'd only seen Harry in some classes, but as usual, Harry was the last to arrive and the first to leave… No one could catch Harry Potter.

* * *

A harsh thunderstorm came upon Hogwarts that night. The night of the second N.E.W.T.s party, hosted by Hufflepuff, and the Astronomy tower was damp, drafty, and most importantly empty when Harry jogged up to the top with his broom clutched in hand and a packed bag slung over his shoulder. He took a moment to lean against the door at his back and close his eyes, listening to the rain pounding onto the castle and the grounds below. He needed a few moments to prepare himself for what he was about to do.

He was leaving. Earlier than first planned, but now it was necessary. To get away from everyone who couldn't seem to mind their own business. They were all very good at causing Harry to stop and question himself at every moment and he was tired of it. He spent his life listening to other people, doing what they wanted. And now he knew what he wanted and he wasn't going to let anyone change his mind. Especially not Draco. Really, this was best for both of them. Harry wanted Draco, he realized this after contemplating what he'd seen that day the blond apologized to him, after seeing Draco meeting his friends in the kitchen. He wanted him, but would never take the chance again. He took a chance before and look what happened. Even if it had been all a misunderstanding…it simply wasn't worth it. Sure, Draco may want him now, but what happens when Draco tires of him- and he surely would. What would happen when the Slytherin walked away? Harry knew his heart would be completely shattered. It was already screaming in pain at him and they weren't even dating… No it most definitely was not worth it. All he wanted and needed right now was the dark and coldness to numb the pain of everything away.

He stepped away from the door, and into the chilly wind, paying no mind to the small sting of the freezing rain drops that were able to get passed the Invisibility Cloak he was currently wearing. He briefly thought he was crazy for starting out in this kind of weather, but realized he was crazy. He was going after Voldemort alone, planned to kill the bastard alone, and after that, he planned to take his own life. If that wasn't crazy, then he didn't know what was.

"Harry!"

Said wizard uttered a groan as he heard footsteps rushing up the stairs. He didn't know how Draco found him, but he was already this far and he had no intention of being stopped now. He mounted his broom and when he took off he looked over his shoulder just in time to see the blond burst through the door, his face pale and drawn. Harry couldn't help himself. He drew to a stop and turned around, dropping the hood of his cloak away from his head and flashed Draco a smile he truly meant.

"Just forget about me, okay, Draco…"

"No! No, it's not okay!" Draco ran up to the edge and leaned over it so much Harry thought he might fall. "Get your arse back in here right now!"

"Sorry. I've got to go." Harry swung his broom around once again. “I have to do this my way.”

"Wait, Harry! Please!" the desperation in his tone nearly had Harry stopping, "I need to tell you something!"

Harry shook his head and before Draco could go on, Harry flew away into the storm, heading towards the Forbidden Forest.

Draco stood slack jawed as he watched the Gryffindor once again risk his idiotic life by speeding out into a storm on a broom. Weasley, Granger, and Severus appeared behind him then. Severus was scowling and the other two were gasping for breath.

"He's gone," he said as he turned to face them. "He's really going to do it."

"Gone where?" Severus narrowed his eyes against the darkness, trying to spot the demented young wizard through the pouring rain. "Gone where, Draco?"

"He's gone to kill Voldemort."

* * *

The worried quartet entered the Headmaster's office, where Dumbledore looked as if he expected to see them.

"Severus," he intoned. Draco narrowed his eyes, hating the damn twinkling in the old wizard's eyes.

"Headmaster, Potter has gone off to fight Voldemort alone."

Dumbledore entwined his fingers together over his desk and nodded. "Yes. I know. I've known for some time what Harry was planning."

"Wha-" Weasley choked on his indignation.

"But Headmaster!" Granger exclaimed.

"You knew and you just let him fly off. He's going to die!" Draco shouted.

Dumbledore shook his head and smiled. "I believe Harry has what it takes to see Voldemort dead."

"Albus, the boy wants to die. He intends to take his own life."

"Yes, I know this too."

Draco stared dumbly for a moment, before his eyes started spitting fire. "I see. You don't care about anything except the destruction of the Dark Lord. Once that's done you couldn't care less about what happens to Harry. He's no longer any use to you, is that it?"

Hermione wiped the tears from her face. "And Harry believes that. He thinks he's only a tool for this war, and has nothing to look forward to after Voldemort is gone. He believes he has no purpose other than killing Voldemort, and once that's done he'll kill himself because he thinks he won’t belong anywhere."

"That's what he believes, Miss. Granger. Not what I believe. I think he'll come to realize the truth very soon."

"WHY THE FUCK ARE YOUR EYES TWINKLING?" Draco bellowed.

Severus turned and pressed a heavy hand onto his godson's shoulder. Draco looked momentarily cowed and he turned away from the old wizard. Granger and Weasley gathered beside him, staring at him as if they'd never seen him before. It was then Hermione finally realized Draco Malfoy wasn't just infatuated with her headstrong friend. Malfoy was in love.

"Albus, where has he gone?" Severus said. "Where is Voldemort?"

"I don't have that information."

"Then where did Harry get it? He obviously knows."

"I don't know."

"We have to help him," Weasley said. "He shouldn't have to do this alone."

"Has the Order been alerted at least?"

Dumbledore nodded to Severus. "But I'm afraid since no one knows exactly where Voldemort is, I can't send them after the boy. However, the Order has engaged most of the Death Eaters, thereby keeping them away while Harry battles Voldemort alone."

"That's something at least," Severus murmured.

"This is just sick," Draco murmured. "There's got to be something we can do. He can't die."

Granger and Weasley started demanding things from the headmaster, but Severus knew Dumbledore was in no way going to allow them to leave to help their friend, nor would he tell them where he thought Voldemort might be if he even knew. Draco was standing away, shaking, and looking for the entire world like a ghost, as pale as he was.

"Come along, Draco," he murmured and steered Draco towards the door. He was only half surprised Dumbledore knew all along what Harry had been planning. But he was beyond angry that Albus intended to do nothing. Leaving Dumbledore with the distraught Gryffindors, he led Draco away.

"Where are we going?"

"We're going to find out where Harry has gone. Our last resort, you might say." Severus was certain his godson was about to get the surprise of a lifetime.

* * *

"Severus, this is a surprise." Lucius Malfoy stood, along with his wife as they studied the Potion Master and their silent fuming son who could not believe he'd been brought to stand in front of the parents who betrayed him. "I thought I told you Draco was not allowed back until everything was finished."

Narcissa was staring at her son, longing to go to him, but Lucius put a restraining hand on her elbow. He also wanted to go to his son. Draco looked too pale, his eyes seemed hollow, and there was a mountain of sadness and panic in his eyes. And though the elder Malfoy felt the need to comfort his son, Lucius remained still and looked to Severus for an explanation.

"Harry Potter has gone after Voldemort alone. We've come for information. And I think it's time we put this charade behind us."

This seemed to snap Draco out of his stupor, "what charade?"

Severus looked at Lucius pointedly, and the elder blond nodded. "Draco, my son. You were never disowned. Not officially."

It took only a moment for that to process. "What? You mean I'm not poor anymore?" he asked hopefully. Severus snorted.

Lucius let his wife go, and she rushed to embrace her son, throwing her arms around him and squeezing the life nearly out of him.

"Draco, I've been so worried. But we only did it to protect you. Severus and Dumbledore thought it was for the best after you publicly denounced the Dark Lord."

Draco hugged her back just as tightly, feeling tears pricking his eyes. "Wait, what?" he pulled away and stared between his parents and his eyes widened when he finally realized what was being said, and what had not been said. "You're fighting for the Light?" he asked incredulously. “You’re spies?”

Lucius nodded and gripped his shoulder. "I'm almost disappointed in you for believing we would actually disown you. You should know better. Family is very important to Malfoys."

Draco gaped. There were no words to express how he was feeling right now. Lucius squeezed his shoulder again. "Appearances are important as well, as you well know. Pick your mouth up off the floor, son." His voice was rigid, but Draco recognized the amusement shining in his father's eyes.

"Lucius, we need to know where the Dark Lord is located. There isn't a moment to waste. Harry has gone off alone-"

"That's not the important part," Draco interrupted, quickly getting over his shock. "Harry can defeat that bastard, no question."

Lucius' eyebrows lifted past his hairline hearing Draco speak about Potter in that way, but that was the only indication of his surprise. "And what is the important part, if not the death of the Dark Lord?"

"Harry's going to kill himself after."

Narcissa gasped and covered her mouth, shaking her head slightly, but Lucius watched his son steadily. "Why, Draco, does this news seem to affect you so much?"

Draco coughed and looked away. Narcissa and Lucius looked at each other after seeing the bright blush tint his pale cheeks. To Severus' amusement, Narcissa took the boy in her arms again and began to coo at him as she ran her fingers over Draco's face and through his hair.

Lucius looked at Severus with a frown. "You've allowed my boy to fall for a blasted Gryffindor. For shame, Severus."

"Father, please. Where is he? Please say you know."

"Narcissa, please control yourself."

The lady of the manor frowned, but did step back, leaving Draco to sigh with thanks. He loved his mother, but he hated when she started touching his hair, and cooing at him was something he no longer liked after passing the age of ten.

"Lucius, we will help our son save Harry Potter," she said in a stern voice. "If our son wants the Savior of the Wizarding World, then he shall have the Savior of the Wizarding World."

Lucius pinched the bridge of his nose. "This is not what I expected to happen when we disowned you. We wanted to protect you, Draco. Now you're intent on going off to the Dark Lord where we'll all probably be killed for our treachery."

"You don't understand, Father." Draco looked Lucius in the eye. "I will stop breathing if I can't see him every day. So if we don't change his idiotic mind, there was no point in protecting me at all."

Once again, Lucius glared at Severus as if it were his fault Draco had grown to love Harry Potter. Narcissa began to make cooing noises again, finding it wonderful she had such a melancholy romantic for a son. Fortunately for Draco, her husband kept her from embracing him again.

"Very well. We know where Voldemort is and we shall go and find the Gryffindor."

Draco's smile was so bright, Lucius was sure the light was going to explode the room around them. This was not at all how he saw the end of all this happening.


	10. Chapter 10

Blood and tears brought on by tremendous physical pain obscured Harry's view of the smoked filled sky above as he lay flat on his back amongst the rubble. Debris of all sorts lay scattered around his broken body from the house that had exploded only minutes ago. Harry lay still, unable to move, hardly able to breath… but he was happy. Relieved. Voldemort was gone. He had defeated the darkest wizard alive. And now he could die. He could find peace. He could finally fade to the warm blackness that promised to cocoon him for eternity. Now was the time.

Harry had enough strength to move his fingers, and then panicked when he flexed those fingers and found his wand missing. He tried moving his head to look around for it, but found he was immobile due to the damage his body had taken. And even if he could move, the salty water and metallic blood in his eyes made it impossible to see anything and he'd lost his glasses somewhere along the way. Probably the same time he'd lost his wand when the house exploded around him. Still, Harry's eyes wheeled around wildly as his breathing came out in rapid pants.

More pain from injuries he was unaware of began to sink in now that the adrenaline of the battle was decreasing. The pain was becoming too much, muddling his mind… he drifted off and a cry of relief left him when his vision began to tunnel and blacken. Harry relaxed as he realized he wouldn't need to do it on his own. He was probably so damaged that he wouldn't survive anyway. And when the blackness began to surround him, Harry believed he was taking his last breath.

Once again he was left with nothing but the darkness. Harry sat up and slowly the peaceful smile on his face slid away to confusion. Something was wrong. The abyss didn't feel as it should. It wasn't like a warm blanket. In fact he found he was freezing. The cold was so frigid his lungs began to burn from it.

_Why are you here?_

Harry spun around, expecting to see someone nearby, hoping that maybe his parents had been waiting for him as they promised in his dreams. But he saw no one.

_Why are you here, Harry?_

"Obviously because I'm dead!" he snapped.

_Why do you want to be dead? Is there nothing you care about?_

Harry continued to twist around, trying to find a face to the voice he didn't recognize but thought he should. "I've done what I was suppose to! There's no reason for me to stay. There's nothing I can do! I'm useless now."

_You're an idiot._

"Fuck off!" Harry realized he was probably losing his mind. He knew whose voice that was now, and he knew the owner of that voice couldn't possibly be there. Draco was alive and well, and would hopefully stay that way. The Gryffindor was sure he was simply arguing with himself and once again had turned part of his conscious into Draco.

_You're not useless, Harry. You could never be useless._

"Eventually I would become useless to you," he whispered in despair as a form of Draco appeared before him. Why was he torturing himself with this? Why wasn't the blackness blocking out everything as it once did?

"Explain why you think you would become useless to me," the apparition instructed with a smirk. "No, never mind. Let me guess. You think I only wanted you because of what you were told. Because you were meant to destroy Voldemort. That I'll become bored with you because you are no longer a tool. You no longer have to spend your life worried about a psycho. You can do anything you want now, be whomever you want. Grow up free and happy. Do you think that's why I'd be bored with you? I'd become bored with the only man I can truly relate to? Someone who understands me, just as I understand you. Oh sure, certainly I'd become bored when you always look at me with those burning green jewels, telling me how much you want me." Draco moved closer until all Harry could see were his striking gray eyes. "What did you feel when we kissed, Harry? You must have felt everything. I didn't hold back, did I? I was trying to show you…"

Harry closed his eyes and began to shake his head. He didn't want to hear this. He couldn't bear to hear this…

But the figment of his imagination wasn't finished. "You didn't miss the desperation on my face every time I looked at you when you were trying to ignore me. You couldn't have missed the hope in my eyes every time you smiled at me, or gave me the attention I craved from you. You can't honestly tell me that you don't see how much I love-"

"Stop it!" Harry begged, his eyes still firmly shut. "You're not real and neither are your words. It's just me, trying to-"

"Convince yourself that you are being stupid with this whole death wish thing." Harry opened his eyes to glare and when he did Draco smirked and disappeared leaving Harry alone in the darkness once again. The cold came back with such a force that Harry dropped to his knees and wrapped his arms around himself. The thoughts of Draco had been keeping the cold away and the light he felt at thinking and picturing Draco had overtaken the darkness.

Something nudged his knee. Harry looked down but there was nothing there. Again there was another nudge. Still nothing there. The next time, the nudge was more of a kick and Harry found himself falling backwards. Instead of being cushioned by the nothingness around him, he felt the hard earth beneath his body and his eyes snapped open in shock and a strangled gasp escaped him from the pain that returned to his body upon his awakening.

"You did it, Potter. Didn't think you could. But you killed the Dark Lord."

Fear was beyond Harry at this point, and as he recognized the man's voice, he wasn't surprised to see it was Peter Pettigrew when the traitor came into view. Harry squinted up at him for only a moment before his eyes began to move back and forth again, once more searching for his wand.

"Looking for this, I suppose." Pettigrew revealed Harry's wand in his hand.

A pained gasp left him as he tried to raise his arm to snatch up his wand. Again, he found that impossible. His body was refusing to cooperate. He was a dead stone. "Kill me," he managed to croak.

"What?" Pettigrew bent closer, though it was obvious he was fearful of Harry as he kept his own wand pointed at Harry's face.

"I said kill me. That's what you're going to do, right? Hurry up and get it over with. It's what I want. Voldemort is gone. Just kill me."

Pettigrew retreated back a few feet in shock, certainly never expecting to see the Boy-Who-Lived asking to be killed. Not after the Dark Lord had been destroyed by his own hand.

"What are you waiting for," Harry growled hoarsely. "DO IT! Fucking do it, you coward! You basically killed my parents! Taking care of me should feel like a closed circle!"

"Potter, I don't understand- I was going to call for help and then disappear."

"You owe me a life debt, Pettigrew. I'm collecting on it now." Harry focused his pain filled eyes on the cowering rat. "Do as I ask and you will be released from that debt. Kill me. Please," he finally broke down into sobs and begged, "please. I don't know what to do… just- lift the wand and say the words."

Pettigrew knew something was wrong with the boy's mind. And obviously Potter's body was a wreck. Perhaps it would be the humane thing to do to put him out of his misery and let the boy join with his family.

"This is what I want," Harry cried, his voice cracking from the uncertainty he felt at saying those words. "I've been aiming for this…" the young Gryffindor trailed off as his eyes drifted closed again, his body once more taking him into unconsciousness.

"Very well, Potter." Pettigrew raised his wand back to Harry's face; thankful at least that he didn't have to look into Potter's eyes while he cursed the boy to death.

* * *

Severus, Lucius, and Draco Apparated near the house in Little Whinging and immediately saw the damage. Narcissa had demanded to go as well but Lucius and Severus had forbidden it.

Draco's eyes grew wide with fear and he started to run to the wreckage.

His father caught up to him and pulled him back. "Caution, Draco," he hissed, "do not allow your emotions to cloud your good judgment. That would do you nor Potter any good."

Draco forced the panic down and nodded. He'd only barely made it this far as Severus and his father had been adamant about not letting him come along. But he had been just as forceful. He didn't trust anyone else to save Harry.

They rounded the wreckage quietly, all three with wands drawn, eyes scanning the destroyed house in awe. And with Severus and Draco, there was fear as well. If Harry had been in that house when it was destroyed…

They stopped abruptly upon hearing voices.

"You owe me a life debt, Pettigrew. I'm collecting on it now. Do as I ask and you will be released from that debt. Kill me. Please." Draco's eyes closed in pain as he heard the begging tone in Harry's voice. "Please. I don't know what to do… just- lift the wand and say the words."

The three Slytherins moved quietly around, and could finally see the two Gryffindors. Seeing Harry lying on the ground, stiff, dirty, and obviously already dying, Draco became incensed at seeing the traitor standing over him. Even more angry that Harry was still begging for death.

"This is what I want," Harry's cracking voice had Draco's heart soaring as he heard the indecision in the Gryffindor's voice. "I've been aiming for this…"

"Very well, Potter."

Severus and Draco took off running then. Draco was blind with fury as he heard Pettigrew began to utter the words, " _Avada Ke_ -"

" _Stupefy_!" Severus shouted. Pettigrew broke off the curse and looked over just in time to see the red light hit his chest. The Potion's Master was surprised to see relief in Pettigrew's eyes the moment he'd been interrupted in killing Harry.

"You tried to kill him!" Draco bellowed at Pettigrew's unconscious form, and started kicking the animagus over and over again, screaming in anger, pain, and panic. Seeing Harry laying beside him, unconscious and far too pale for a living person. "You were going to kill him!"

"Draco! Calm yourself!" Severus shouted as he dropped beside Harry. "He needs Healers immediately or his wish will be granted."

"Don't say that, Severus," the young blond also dropped to his knees, hands hovering over Harry's face as if he wanted to touch but was afraid. "Don't say that."

* * *

Harry awoke up with a piercing headache, dry scratchy throat, and tears in his eyes. He'd been dreaming of Draco again. When he'd dropped into unconsciousness as Pettigrew raised the wand to grant his wish, the dreams began. Harry had been sure he was dead that time. But death wasn't what he thought it would be. Draco would come and go, and every time, just when he thought the darkness would come to swallow him for the last time, he found the blonde in his mind and Draco would always swallow him instead. It was damned annoying. Especially when he felt relief at those times and was happy enough to have the blond in every part of his thoughts.

A shifting noise close by drew his attention and finally his heavy eyelids peeled back, and he was gobsmacked to realize he wasn't dead at all. Instead he was lying in a room within St. Mungo's. Ignoring the presence he felt nearby, Harry let tears of confusion and frustration coat his dry scratchy eyes. The presence moved closer and through his blurred sight, Harry caught the unmistakable color of bright blonde. Immediately he stopped crying. Half hoping it were Draco and more than a little afraid that it actually was. The person bent forward and wiped his tears away with a handkerchief that smelled of lavender.

He shrank away when he was finally able to see who stood beside his bed. He opened his mouth to demand to know why she was there, but his voice box didn't seem to be in working order.

"Try not to speak. Healers say it will take some time for you to completely heal." Narcissa Malfoy softly spoke as she stroked his black fringe away from his narrowed eyes. She laughed softly when he glared balefully at her.

What did she think she was doing?! He had no idea why she was there or why she was looking at him so softly, speaking so tenderly, as if he were her own son. At that thought, Harry finally glanced around for Draco, though he didn't know why Draco would be there in the first place. He was disowned. Reminding himself of that, Harry returned his gaze to the witch beside his bed and tried to put as much loathing in the glare as he could possibly manage. To disown her son… Harry found that unforgivable.

"Would you like to know how long you've been unconscious?" she asked, seemingly unaware of the hate and went to pull her chair to the side of his bed. "Surely you must be curious as to why I'm here."

Harry's lips pressed together as he tried to push the curiosity away. No doubt she was here to exact revenge for him killing Voldemort. But if that were true, then she would have done so by now. And as he thought about it, Harry was curious to know how she had managed to get into his room, alone. No doubt he was being protected. Finally he nodded after she sat down.

"Today marks the sixteenth day of celebrations since your defeat of that horrible monster." When Harry continued to stare blankly at her, she went on. "I've been here the entire time watching over you." When the Gryffindor's eyes finally took on life and widened in surprise, Narcissa smiled. "Appointed myself. And then was backed by the Headmaster. We- Lucius and myself- we were spies and we never disowned our son. Dumbledore thought it would be best for Draco's safety if the world thought we had. There are many things said about Malfoys, Harry. But one thing is decidedly true. Family is a very important to us. We would never abandon our son. No matter his decision and we missed Draco dreadfully. But we had to keep him safe!" She said firmly. So firmly that Harry could do nothing to believe her. "And that's why I'm here. Because family is important."

Harry couldn't help the small smile appearing on his face at hearing that Draco had not been disowned. Of course he was happy for Draco. Harry could always see how pained the Slytherin was without any contact from his family, with having to go on thinking his parents had betrayed him. And then the last thing she said caught up to him and he looked at her in question. What did that have to do with her looking after him? Family being important… he wasn't a Malfoy.

Narcissa understood the question in his eyes. "My son is intent on making you family," she answered honestly and without hesitation even though she knew Draco would be very displeased with her for saying so before he could. Draco had an agenda with how he wanted to deal with Harry, but now that she knew the extent of her son's feelings for the young man on the bed, she had her own agenda as well. And Harry would just have to get used to the idea that he was needed. She would make him understand thoughts of suicide would no longer be tolerated. She would make him understand that the world was now his oyster.

Green eyes blinked rapidly at her as if he were having trouble understanding her announcement. "Harry," she began firmly. "You have been restrained in the bed for the time being… I will have them release you because I can't stand the sight of the bindings around your limbs. But your wand has been taken away and will be kept away until I'm sure you do not plan to take your own life. Besides that, some want to keep you here in the psychiatric ward. I've persuaded them not to do so. When you are well enough, I will take you home and you _will_ have company. You will not be left alone to wallow in unreasonable despair. I am doing all this for you as well as for my son's continued health. My son needs you… do you know what he said to us?"

Harry shook his head, feeling both numb and unusually alive at the same time.

"He said, and I quote, 'I will stop breathing if I can't see him everyday'." Mrs. Malfoy sighed and looked off to the side with a soft smile. "Took both Lucius and I by surprise. But now that we know, you must know if Draco wants you, he will have you. Understand?"

Still, all Harry could do was nod.

"Good," Narcissa smiled and stood. "I shall return. There are many who have been waiting for you to awaken."

Harry watched her walk out of the room, and only when the door shut behind her did he look to his hands. Sure enough, they were bound to the railing of his bed, as were his feet. Harry made himself relax. Being tied up to the bed like this was disconcerting and it kind of made him feel claustrophobic.

How dare Mrs. Malfoy come to him and presume to take over his life! What gave Draco and his mother the right? Though Draco's words to his parents did make Harry lightheaded and insanely hot. Made him want to giggle like a bloody girl too. But he had enough control to keep from doing so, knowing it would hurt his body should he move. Even moving his head slowly was sending fiery pains down his spine.

When the door reopened, Harry quickly closed his eyes to feign sleep. He was certain it would be Dumbledore back with Mrs. Malfoy, and probably some Healers; probably Mrs. Weasley as well, and she was one of the last people he wanted to see. She meant well, but the witch was suffocating. Then when he heard Severus' voice, Harry wanted to cry out in relief.

"Remove those restraints at once!" Severus spat. "What is the meaning of this?"

"It's for his own protection," an unknown voice spoke. "We were informed of his intentions of suicide-"

There was a silence in which Harry could feel the heavy tension.

"Severus, we cannot hold back any information in which to help his recovery," Dumbledore finally said. Obviously Professor Snape had been staring at the headmaster with blame.

"He doesn't need the restraints," Mrs. Malfoy reiterated Severus' words. "Remove them at once."

"Now, Narcii dear-"

"Don't Narcii dear me, Albus! You said I could take him under my care-" Harry heard Molly Weasley's outraged gasp, "and I want the restraints off. I will see to it he does not harm himself."

"But Albus! You can't really be serious!" Molly exclaimed. "Harry would be much better off with me."

"Oh yes," Severus replied in such a way that Harry knew he was sneering, "let's throw him in that small home of yours which is overflowing with loud, obnoxious and nosy redheads. That'll make him feel loads better! It wont drive him mental at all…"

"Severus," Dumbledore said softly.

"Harry needs peace and quiet," Narcissa said. "Now that the Dark Lord is gone, the boy has time to decide what he wants to do with his life. Without outside interference."

"And he won't be influenced by you lot?" Molly spat back.

"I want Harry to understand he has the freedom to do whatever he chooses now. He has his life back. If he wants to travel around the world, he may do so. If he wants to stay at home all day, he can do that too! Should he want to start a business, play Quidditch, teach, write books… whatever he wants he will have the time to decide, and we will support him. But he will need the time alone to choose. You may mean well, but in the end I'm afraid you would only do him harm. And if he's simply thrown back into the world, you know there are many who will try to make his decisions for him, just as they've been doing for most of his life. That ends now."

"I think we should ask Harry whom he wants to take care of him," Molly ended firmly.

"Then ask him," Severus answered. "But should he give you an answer you do not like, I don't want to hear any complaining."

 _I'm not a bloody baby! Merlin…_ Though it felt kind of nice to be fought over in such a way. And Mrs. Malfoy's words, about supporting him, giving him time to find out what he wanted to do in life… she made it sound so simple. But was it really? The stress of ridding the world of Voldemort no longer weighed him down and he felt lighter than he expected he would. Harry knew he'd saved himself from so much guilt by killing Voldemort before the bastard could take any more lives. He found peace in such knowledge.

"If you do not remove the restraints in the next five seconds…" Severus warned.

"He may hurt himself!" Molly cried.

"He can't even move," Narcissa responded coldly. "Nor can he speak. Removing the bonds will not harm him."

"He can't speak? He was speaking when we found him with Pettigrew. What happened to take his voice?" Severus asked as the Healer moved to vanish the restraints. Harry kept as still as possible while this happened. He wondered if they knew he was awake. They weren't exactly keeping their voices down.

"I spoke to him a little before I sent you word that he'd awoken. He tried to speak, but no words would come out.”

"He's been unconscious for over two weeks. It's the shock," the Healer said. "It may last days or it may last hours. But he should regain his voice."

"And his body?" Dumbledore inquired.

"Healing slowly but very well. May have trouble walking at first when he leaves, but that's only because his muscles will need to be stretched. With the exception of his mental state, Harry Potter will be in top form in a number of weeks."

"Thank you, Healer," Narcissa replied. Harry heard her move around until she was sitting next to his bed again.

"Come along, Molly," Dumbledore said gently. "Let us return to the school and give the good news that so many are waiting to hear."

"But Albus…" Molly obviously didn't want to go. Harry prayed someone would take her away and then he resisted the urge to smile when he heard Severus' long suffering sigh.

Dumbledore chuckled as he moved to the door. "Molly, you will be able to visit again. But obviously Harry is sleeping and therefore is not up for visiting. Surely you'd like to go to Hogwarts and relay happy news of his awakening."

"Yes, all right, Albus." And they quickly left.

"You can open your eyes now," Severus said, his tone dripping acid. Harry winced at the coldness of his tone but did do as he was told and found only Mrs. Malfoy and Severus in the room with him. "What in the hell did you think you were doing running off like that by yourself?"

"Severus…"

"Forgive me, Narcissa, but I have never and will never baby this idiot! You may do it, but I certainly will not." Severus turned back to the blank faced young man. "How could you believe you were only a tool? I don't understand how someone like you could miss the big picture. You can do anything you want. Anything! And yet you were aiming for death! Are you such a coward you would run away from life, Potter?"

"Severus, he can't speak."

"Rubbish!"

"Out!" Harry jumped in surprise when Narcissa stood and pointed a rigid finger at the door. "Out this minute, Severus Snape!"

Harry watched in total shock as Snarky Severus Snape left the room like a child just grounded.

"You must forgive him, Harry. But he and Draco are very worried about you, and Severus has a hard time coming to terms with just how frightened he was." When Harry remained silent, Narcissa sighed and retook her seat. "Are you still determined to take your life?"

When Harry thought about the darkness that he loved to vanish to, he realized he thought of it as a way to keep from feeling truly alone, to keep from feeling like he was losing every part of himself. He used the darkness as others had been using him. The darkness was a tool; a place to slide into limbo where nothing could hurt him. And now… after everything was said and done, Harry was feeling so lost. Confusion swam through his mind, continuing to drown any sensible thoughts away. He didn't know what he wanted.

Narcissa watched a myriad of emotions crossing Harry's face and felt such pity for him. She understood he'd been told throughout his life that he'd be the destruction of the Dark Lord. But no one, she was sure, had asked him what he wanted to do with his life. He was never given the chance. And she could understand how he could come to believe he would continue to be a tool the rest of his life. Narcissa understood how such thoughts could be so stifling that death seemed like a good release. She understood this, which was another reason why she'd come close to begging Albus to let her see to Harry's care. She came as close to begging as a Malfoy ever would.

So sitting back and taking up the book she'd brought, Narcissa decided to start that peace and quiet and let him sort through his thoughts. She was sure Harry heard her words to Mrs. Weasley. He would come to understand the world was his for the taking. Death didn't have to be an option to find peace and happiness.


	11. Chapter 11

Narcissa Malfoy was nothing like Harry thought she would be. She was kind and always spoke softly to him and she mothered him to no end. And as he lay in bed, Narcissa always spoke to him without any reserve that he could hear or see. He'd never expected her to talk about her life and family with so much openness, and he was constantly surprised that he enjoyed listening to her. He especially liked it when she would linger on Draco during her talks, and he tried not to make it obvious he was listening with every fiber of his being. Harry had the feeling she noticed and was all too happy with his eagerness for more information on her son. He also found she was just as manipulative as Dumbledore, and with more force, though every one of her actions was to his benefit rather than for the benefit of the Greater Good, which did wonders for his moral as well as his growing fondness for her.

A few days after he had first awoken, Lucius Malfoy himself had come to pay a visit. Harry had been shocked and dismayed to wake up and find Malfoy standing beside his bed, gazing at him with a mixture of pity and something else he didn't even want to fathom. Malfoy didn't say much. Only that he hoped Harry returned back to health soon and then he went on his way. The short meeting had been odd indeed and if Narcissa hadn't been there, Harry was sure he might have freaked out.

The day after Malfoy's visit, Harry's voice returned. And though Narcissa knew it, no one else did, not even the Healers and neither he nor Narcissa let it be known that he could speak. Harry didn't talk much. He preferred everyone thinking he was still mute. People tended to leave him alone because he couldn't respond. Though he did speak to Narcissa. Just as he had an ear for her, the blonde witch always had one for him, even when he began to talk in riddles, trying to sort through his thoughts. And when he had first done it, and then realized he wasn't alone, he'd expected to find himself scrutinized in a negative way, but Narcissa had simply smiled and tried to respond as best she could, helping him sort through his current feelings. She had a way of helping without actually seeming to. Harry found he liked her quite a lot.

"Why haven't I seen my friends?" he whispered one morning to her.

Narcissa set aside her book, bent over, and pushed black strands away from his eyes in the way she'd been doing since she'd first started watching him. Harry was nearly used to the soft look in her eyes by this time. "I'm taking it as a good sign that you've inquired about them… It's not that they don't want to visit, Harry. They're desperate to see you in fact. But… Severus and I felt you needed time alone. However, if you don't like it, then I shall send for them. Remember, you can have whatever you want."

"No, that's all right. Now that you mention it, Dumbledore did say they should stay at school until graduation. Not so long away now, is it?"

A small frown flitted across the blonde woman's face, "awake for that, were you?"

Harry shrugged in answer and then turned his gaze away. "Um… how's Draco?"

"He's fine."

The short answer was obviously a lie but Harry didn't push for more information. Though he wanted to. He wanted it as much as he wanted to see the blond. Harry had tried to keep the blond from his heart, but he supposed nothing ever worked out the way he planned. And as the days passed, more than not Harry sought out the light in the darkness and was content with doing so.

After that short conversation, Harry returned to sleep. When he woke next, the room was completely dark which was unusual, even at night.

Harry slowly sat up, "Mrs. Malfoy?"

"So you can talk. They said you weren't able to yet."

Harry gripped the sheets tightly in hand as he turned to where Narcissa usually sat, finding Draco there instead. The blond murmured something and Harry heard the swish of his wand. A moment later the room was filled with light. Harry hissed and hastily pulled the blanket over his head.

"Still seeking the darkness, then?" the blond practically growled.

"My eyes were suddenly assaulted with bright light. It stung," he murmured defensively and wondered why Draco was so pissed off. "What are you doing here?" when he didn't receive an answer, Harry lowered the blanket and found the Slytherin looking away from him. Draco was slouched in the chair and had one leg pulled up against his chest, using his knee as a pillow for his cheek. His blond hair spilled over the hand wrapped around the pulled up leg and Harry itched to reach out and touch it.

"You didn't answer my question," Draco finally said, still not looking at him. "Still want to die, Harry? Are you going to leave me on top of a tower again? Leave me with that horrible feeling where I don't know if I'll ever see you again?" Draco finally looked at him, his gray eyes blazing. "Do you have any idea what that did to me? Do you know how many nightmares I've had since that night? How many times I have to hear you beg that sniveling Pettigrew to kill you? How many nights I've dreamt of standing over your grave?"

The trembling in Draco's voice had Harry turning away. "I didn't want you to get close to me. You were supposed to stay away…"

Draco snorted. "When have I ever conformed to your plans? I prefer doing just the opposite."

A small smile crossed Harry's face. "That's true."

"But I'll get over the nightmares," Draco announced in a suddenly light tone. Harry looked up in time to see the blond shift and rest his feet on the edge of the bed. "And you'll get over this ridiculous death is best notion. You haven't a choice, really. I need your help. I'm planning on a trip after graduation. A long trip. Traveling the world, seeing things I've always dreamed of seeing. I've only been to France outside of Britain..."

Intrigued by the blond's sudden mood change and with the subject, Harry met Draco's bright gaze curiously. "What do you need me to help with?"

Draco smirked. "I need someone to pack my bags, of course."

"P-pack y-your bags!" he sputtered with outrage, his green eyes widening and darkening. Practically spitting fire.

Draco dropped his legs to the floor and leaned closer in order to submerge into the beautiful enflamed jewels pinned on him. "That's what I said," he whispered. When Harry's furious eyes dropped down to his lips, a soft smile grew. "I can't very well pack my own bags, can I? Malfoys don't do such things. I'll need you to pack my bags while you're packing your own."

Harry blinked stupidly for a moment, seeing nothing but Draco's lips, but finally the blond's words sank in. "My bags?" he asked.

The Slytherin returned his legs to the bed and leaned back. "I have no intention of traversing the world without you."

Harry tried and failed to keep his heart from pounding loudly against his chest. "Why would you want me with you?"

Draco didn't answer at first. He simply watched the Gryffindor until Harry turned away, unable to keep eye contact. When he did that, Draco snorted and moved to climb onto the bed. Harry stiffened as Draco's body slid onto the mattress beside him- carefully so as not to jostle Harry. He used his elbow to keep his head up and then pulled Harry down until the brunet's head was resting against his pale arm. "There's no one else I'd rather share the world with."

A rising emotion barreled its way from Harry's chest on upwards and he quickly raised his hands to press against his eyes. "Don't," he whispered.

Draco made an exasperated sound and pushed Harry's hands down before leaving his palm resting against the Gryffindor's cheek. "I can't stop. I need you." He pressed their lips together before Harry's eyes opened and hoped to be well received because Merlin he'd wanted to do this since Severus and Mother smuggled him into Harry's room.

Instead of being pushed away, Harry lifted his hand and covered Draco's before leaning into the touch and parting his trembling lips, submitting immediately to the tongue quickly taking advantage of his compliance. And when Draco took the kiss deeper, Harry let his hand slip away from his face to raise and thread it through his hair.

But Harry pulled back moments later, and Draco was relieved to see how reluctant he was to do so. "You ruined everything," Harry whispered. "Ruined the darkness…"

"Always a pleasure to ruin your plans."

Harry's scowl was more from habit and really had no feeling behind it. "I don't know what I want or what I'm going to do…"

"But you do want me, don't you," the Slytherin asked, certainty lacing his voice as he skimmed fingers across the Gryffindor's collarbone. Harry's blush was answer enough, and Draco barely resisted the urge to jump to his feet on the bed and crow his delight. Instead he said, "then I'll tell you what's going to happen. You're going to be you and you're going to be with me and we'll take it one day at a time."

"You and your mother are taking over my life," he mumbled.

"The thing is, we want you to live free and be happy. Tell me that doesn't sound good."

"And if it doesn't? Are you going to leave me alone?"

"If it were me, would you? Would you let the darkness take me?"

"That's not fair."

"Didn't think so," the blond replied with a smug grin.

* * *

Mr. and Mrs. Weasley were scheduled to arrive in a few minutes and Harry sent Dumbledore out to wait in the hall for them, leaving the Malfoys and Severus within the room. He'd done this on purpose because he wanted to do something and he only really trusted Narcissa and Severus. Lucius Malfoy could stay because he was certain as soon as she could, Narcissa would tell her husband what Harry had decided anyway.

"Where's my wand?" he asked the three standing at the foot of his bed.

Lucius simply raised a brow while his wife's lips thinned. It was a telling sign that she was worried about why he was asking for it. She probably thought he was relapsing. Severus simply glowered at him.

"Why do you want to know?" Severus inquired with barely restrained fury. Lucius turned to his friend and raised the other brow.

"I'm not going to kill myself with it if that's what you're worried about," Harry snapped back.

"You're still not getting it back for some time."

"I didn't ask about it for that."

"Dumbledore has it," Lucius finally answered.

"Can you get it from him?" Harry dropped his eyes to the sheets covering his legs when he felt his face flush. "I want Draco to keep it for me."

Narcissa's eyes brightened and she made a sort of cooing noise that scared Harry. And he was sure the witch would have started to fawn over him if Lucius hadn't quickly caught his wife's elbow to keep her at the foot of the bed. Then Lucius pinned him with a hard stare. "Do you have any idea how Draco will take such a gesture, Potter? Do you understand the implications? You must be certain before you do this."

"I want Draco to keep it," Harry repeated, keeping his eyes locked on Malfoy.

"It will be done," Severus said after a moment.

Narcissa ran over to Harry's side when Severus turned to invite Dumbledore and the Weasleys in. "Oh, I would hug you fiercely if only your body weren't still so fragile."

"Well then I'm sure he's thanking the gods he's in moderate pain," Lucius replied.

Harry tried to disguise his laughter by snorting and covering his mouth and then thought how truly odd it was to be genuinely amused by something Lucius Malfoy said.

All too soon Harry was studying the adults standing at the foot of his bed. The Malfoys stood on one side while Mr. and Mrs. Weasley stood on the other. Severus and Dumbledore stood at the back of the room. Dumbledore standing patiently and Severus impatiently waiting for Harry to tell the Weasleys what he and the Malfoys already knew.

Finally Harry prepared for the backlash and looked to the Malfoys before nodding.

"Obviously he's been coerced!" Molly screeched.

"Now Molly…" Arthur tried.

"He's chosen." Lucius said coldly. "Is this what happens every time Potter has made a decision in the past? You try to pressure him out of it."

"The unsupervised choices he's made in the past have usually ended up with someone dying," Molly spat. "Being with your family could only mean more of that."

Harry reared back as if slapped and then closed his eyes tightly shut and shook his head.

"You heartless witch!" Narcissa raged in an uncharacteristic show of fiery temperament. "Have you any idea how many lives he's saved?"

Lucius gripped his wife's elbow and sneered at Molly and as he spoke, ice dripping with every word. "Mr. Potter has made his decision and already it has been proven the correct one."

Severus loomed in front of Molly and looked over her head at Dumbledore. "Get her out of here," he hissed before looking the witch in the eyes, "and I suggest you stay away from Harry from here on out."

"Molly, how could you say something like that?" Arthur softly admonished as he and Dumbledore pulled the sputtering witch from the room.

Narcissa approached the bed where Harry sat still, his face pale and drawn, eyes tightly shut. "Harry…"

"I n-need to use the bathroom," he rasped and threw the blanket off his legs.

"I will help you."

Harry nodded and accepted Severus' help only because he wouldn't be able to make one step without falling on his face. As it was, it was still mildly painful moving at all.

"Really," Lucius hissed the moment Severus rejoined them to give Harry some privacy, "is it always like that with Potter? Is that how the Order worked? Bullying him?"

Narcissa sniffed. "Saying such despicable things? It's no wonder he preferred the darkness!"

* * *

Mrs. Weasley was a bitch, Harry decided that night as he lay wide-awake, still in St. Mungo's. A total and utter bitch, and he'd felt great satisfaction in hearing Severus say those exact words hours before just after he'd left the bathroom and was settled back in bed with a dose of pain killing potion. He'd also taken great wonder in watching Narcissa's eyes frost over with such coldness and then change moments later to fire every few minutes as the witch continued to think about Mrs. Weasley.

They were afraid- she, Severus, and even Mr. Malfoy- that Mrs. Weasley's words would have done a lot of damage to his mental state. He could see it in their eyes, the worry. But Narcissa had lay him back down and brushed the fringe out of his eyes softly before sitting down to read a book, while at the same time Severus had brutally demanded he not listen to a word that total and utter bitch had said and if Harry so much as began to think the redhead witch was right then he'd have him cleaning cauldrons well into next year. Lucius Malfoy had stood back, looking on with a blank face, but at one point during Severus' tirade, he'd smirked at his friend's back in an amused and agreeing way. Three different ways to get him through it, all totally different then what he was used to, and every one of them had succeeded to a degree.

But it was impossible not to have heard Mrs. Weasley and not think about Sirius. "I miss him," he whispered. "I didn't know him all that long, but I miss him."

"He would want you to move on, Harry. My cousin was the type of person who'd rather see those he cared about happy more than anything, under any circumstances. You do know that, don't you?"

Harry nodded, and then he turned to her. "Your sister killed him."

Narcissa's eyes bore into his and it was hard to tell what she was thinking. "Bellatrix was caught last week and given the Kiss, along with many others."

"I'm not sorry," he replied coldly.

She surprised him with a soft smile. "You shouldn't be, Harry. But I am sorry she took Sirius from you." She sighed and brushed his fringe away and Harry wondered if she would always do it when she thought he needed comfort and hoped she would never stop. "You need cheering up. I know two people who are dying to bring it to you."

"Yeah," Harry breathed, suddenly excited to see Ron and Hermione. "Yes, I'd like that now."


	12. Chapter 12

Draco rubbed his tired eyes as he made his way to Severus' office, having been summoned by the Potions Master. There had been no explanation with the summons, so the blond had no idea why Severus wanted to speak with him at the moment. It could have something to do with Graduation, which would take place tomorrow, but Draco doubted it. He had a sinking suspicion this meeting had something to do with a certain Gryffindor currently laid out in St. Mungo's. Draco was almost afraid to go in to hear whatever it was Severus wanted to speak to him about.

The last time he'd seen Harry, it was clear the Gryffindor was on his way to physically recovering and though Draco had made progress with Harry concerning the emotions they held for each other, he hadn't left Harry that night feeling all was right with the Gryffindor. It wasn't entirely unexpected. He never deluded himself into thinking Harry would immediately be cured from his dark depressing want of dying, but he had seen hope in Harry's eyes and felt the Gryffindor's longing. Harry had taken comfort in his arms without complaint, and Draco could tell it was something he enjoyed and needed. But still, Draco had left without a promise from Harry that the stupid idiot would stop wanting to die. Draco hadn't wanted to leave him that night, but Severus would not allow him to stay.

Tugging his mind back to the present, Draco was given permission to enter almost as soon as he knocked. Upon entering, Severus' blank expression did not put Draco's mind at ease. "Harry?" he immediately asked.

"Patience, Draco. Have a seat."

Draco did as was told. If only to speed along this conversation.

"You haven't been sleeping," Severus spoke softly, eyes scanning the blond. "You've seen for yourself Harry will live…"

"He's not going to die from his injuries, that's true… What did you need?"

Severus raised a brow at the tired and impatient demand before standing and opening the top drawer of his desk. Draco watched curiously as Severus pulled out a wand. The blond straightened up, immediately recognizing the holly wand as he'd had it pointed in his face enough times in the past. "Why do you have that?"

Severus didn't answer until he rounded the desk to stand in front of Draco. He fingered the wand as he studied Draco. "Your mother and I thought you should know… Harry has chosen your mother over the Weasleys to be his caretaker."

Finally Severus saw something of Draco's old self. The boy leaned back, crossed his arms and smirked. "Of course he did. Finally mature enough to know who's better than who."

Severus barely managed to keep from rolling his eyes. But then again, Draco was right… after what Molly had said. But Severus wasn't going tell him what had been said at this particular time. And then Draco's smile disappeared and he leaned forward to drop his face in his hands.

"Severus… do you think—he's so stubborn. He may never give up wanting the darkness…"

"He's making the attempt," Severus replied as he held out the wand to Draco, tapping his blond head with it to get his attention. "Harry wants you to keep his wand. Specifically asked for it to be given to you for safekeeping, Draco."

Draco stared at the wand, in a state of shock. "But…"

"Your father made sure he realized what this act would mean to you. Harry was very firm in his resolve for you to have it." Severus did smile then when Draco snatched the wand out of his hands to cradle it possessively, staring at it in awe. The blond knew the full implications of Harry's actions.

"Um…" Draco had to clear his throat in order to keep from blubbering like an idiot. Harry giving him this… Certainly it held the message that Harry completely trusted him. And the blond was also going to take this as a declaration of love, as sappy as that sounded. Harry must have known this was how he would see it. He hadn't exactly been very subtle about his intentions with the Gryffindor the last time he'd seen him. And Harry's actions seemed to reciprocate his feelings without actually having said anything. "I need to see him. Right now."

"You will wait, Draco."

"But, Sev," he whined.

"You will be accompanying Granger and Weasley to St. Mungo's tomorrow after Graduation. Not a moment before."

"I want to see him alone. Please, Severus."

But Severus shook his head. "Harry needs rest. After yesterday… tomorrow you may see him. And since school will be over, you'll have more than enough time after to spend with the idiot. Not another word, Draco. The decision has been made. And don't even think about sneaking out to see him before tomorrow."

Soon Draco was thrust out of the office, still cradling the wand in his hands. He was positively bubbling over with thick emotions and hardly noticed the ejection from Severus' office.

* * *

 

Harry grit his teeth as he took another step without assistance. Beads of sweat had appeared soon after he'd taken his first step and were now running down his face, neck, and down the back of his neck. It had only been fifteen minutes since he decided to get out of bed and try walking on his own without a physical therapist. Narcissa had conceded after a twenty-minute argument but by this time she was fiercely frowning and Harry knew any minute now he would hear a demand for him to return to bed. And also knew, once her patience had run out, he would have no choice but to do what she said unless he wanted to be cast immobile and returned to bed by her wand. Lucius Malfoy was there as well- Harry still wasn't used to his presence- but he didn't look concerned at all. He actually looked amused, leaning there against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest, watching Harry battle it out with the remainder of his pain, trying to get the hang of walking again.

"That's enough," Narcissa said, suddenly by his side with his elbow in her hand. "You will return to your bed." Harry didn't have the strength to argue with her or to try and make it back to bed on his own. "Besides, your friends will be here soon. You don't want to be too tired for them, do you?"

"Is Draco coming?"

The words, excitedly spoken, were out of his mouth before he could stop them and he quickly turned a spectacular shade of red when he caught Lucius Malfoy's smirk.

"Severus passed over your wand to our son last night," Malfoy said as Harry tried to hide under the blanket. "I dare say he'll be here. Severus mentioned Draco seemed particularly… shocked to have received it and impatient to return."

Harry didn't reply to that and again wondered why Malfoy was there. Surely it wasn't for any type of support… He knew the man had been a spy and all but that didn't automatically put Harry at ease. It was easier with Narcissa, as he hadn't much of an interaction with her in the past as he had with Lucius.

"When will they be here?" he asked the witch.

"Soon," she answered with a smile.

"Could I have some time to myself before they get there?"

Narcissa stood from the bedside chair. "Anything you want, Harry." He smiled back at her as she brushed his hair away from his forehead. No he'd never get tired of her doing that. He watched Narcissa move over to her husband, who held out his arm for her, and they quickly left him alone.

Harry settled down and looked to the ceiling but wasn't really seeing anything. He smiled softly thinking about what Draco's face would have looked like when Severus handed him his wand. Harry had plenty of time after Severus left yesterday to think about the decision. Of course he'd worried about going too far. Insecurities had bubbled up within him. He wasn't sorry for making that decision… but he'd been worried over Draco's reaction. Harry did understand how Draco would take it. A wizard's wand was a precious thing and it meant a great deal of trust to allow another wizard to keep it. And this being he and Draco… the blond must know Harry gave it to him with more than just trust. It meant Harry was giving him power over his life as well. Harry had decided to let the blond save him. But would Draco be ready for such a thing? Was he?

Either way the matter was out of his hand now since he'd already gone and told Severus to give Draco his wand. Besides… Draco already had him thinking about the future and he was really looking forward to going on a long trip and seeing the world. Even now Harry couldn't deny the excitement and impatience he felt at having to wait for the blond and his friends. But he was also nervous and wary. Not really knowing what to say to his best friends whom he'd been ostracizing… being an absolute bastard to them. The worry he must have provoked. _Is it all really worth the worry? Should you even care?_

Harry groaned and pushed away the silky voice that always accompanied the void. He didn't want that anymore. That voice. The blackness he'd been using as a tool. He didn't want it anymore. It wasn't real. Harry gingerly sat up and moved until his feet were on the cold floor. Gathering strength, he pushed up to a standing position, feeling slightly better that he wasn't shaking from the exertion as he normally would. The time spent walking around earlier must have helped. Slowly he crossed the room to the bathroom and was glad the pain was keeping him from thinking more on that voice that had not gone away completely.

When he stepped from the bathroom minutes later, Harry had to lean against the doorway for a moment. He closed his eyes and took a calming breath. He was back to shaking again and unshed tears stung his eyes. The tears were from the fear of losing himself again. He didn't really want to die anymore. The shaking came from the stress his body had taken and he mentally chastised himself for not calling help to get to the bathroom.

Strong arms were suddenly around him, catching him before he slid to the ground in a helpless heap. Without opening his eyes, Harry knew who had him. Draco's scent was unmistakable. He felt the blond wrap an arm around his waist and begin to maneuver him back to the bed. Opening his eyes Harry glanced at him, surprised and wary to see Draco had drawn a blank face.

"You don't have to keep it," he murmured softly. "Give it back to Severus if you want."

Draco didn't respond immediately. He was too busy trying to get over the picture Harry had made when he walked into the room. The Gryffindor had been standing there shaking with a haunted and pained look on his face. Draco wished it were from pain, but he knew it had been Harry's abyss. He would rather Harry be in pain than going back to thinking all was lost. But now Harry was sitting on the edge of the bed, staring up at him and his eyes were once again clear; cheeks burning and his gaze was shy. Draco felt a smile bloom on his face.

"I'm not giving up your wand to anyone but you."

Harry fingered the top button of Draco's shirt as his gaze drifted from the blond's eyes to his smirking lips. Someone banged on the door.

"Oi, Malfoy! You've had enough time alone with _our_ best friend!"

"Ronald!"

"What? He's already had the chance to see Harry once before. We haven't seen him in weeks!"

"Still, Ron…"

Harry laughed and pulled away from the blond who turned to glare at the door. "I detest Weasley."

"Didn't seem that way to me when you three were having lunch in the kitchen that one time."

Draco's attention snapped back to him. "You were there?"

Harry nodded. "Rather cross with Hermione for telling you that naked Great Hall story."

"Did you happen to hear the rope and gag plan?"

Harry blushed and looked away from the feral grinning Slytherin. "Maybe you should let them in now."

But Draco didn't move away. Instead he bent down and pressed his mouth against Harry's. The Gryffindor's breath hitched when Draco's tongue slid by his lips and a hand roamed under his t-shirt, fingers flirting with Harry's sensitive sides, over his abs, chest… Draco grinned against the mouth that moaned wantonly from his touches. Then Harry draped an arm around his neck to pull him closer. To pull Draco on top of him as he lay back against the mattress. It was hard to resist when Harry angled his head to the side in order to take the kiss deeper, thrusting his tongue into the Slytherin's mouth, stroking every inch of the hot cavern. Draco's lids flickered and closed against the bliss rolling through him as he carefully climbed over Harry, never pressing his weight down against the body that was not yet quite healed. But Harry must have wanted full contact, and somehow managed to roll them over until he was settled quite nicely over the Slytherin. Draco found this suitable, rushed his fingers into the wild black hair and pulled Harry's lips back down to his in a ferocious kiss that Harry eagerly reciprocated.

This is the position they were found in when a Healer opened the door, intent on bringing Harry a pain potion. There were several others out in the hall waiting for entrance that was able to look in to see what was happening.

"Looks to me like he's healed," Severus muttered in a disapproving tone. Narcissa placed a hand over her mouth to stifle her laughter. Ron gaped, Hermione smiled widely, and Lucius Malfoy averted his attention to the wall facing the opened door.

"What is the meaning of this!" the Healer yelped as she rushed in. "This is a hospital, not a hotel!"

When Harry tried to quickly extricate himself from Draco's arms, the blond held on tightly, knowing the Gryffindor would probably end up hurting himself. Carefully, he shifted Harry into a sitting position at the head of the bed before regretfully pulling away.

Harry had to endure a few minutes of the Healer chastising him about strenuous activity- in which Draco smirked- while she ran tests and administered a lighter dose of pain medication.

"We don't want you to become dependent on the pain potions, Mr. Potter. So you'll be given it less frequently and with less potency. And that will be easier done since you are being released tomorrow."

"Really?" he asked excitedly.

"Yes. But I expect you to continue with your therapy at home and you will also need to acquire a physical therapist to visit you until you can use your legs again as you once did."

Lucius spoke up then. "We've already taken the liberty of hiring the best physical therapist for you, Potter."

"You didn't have-"

"Yes. We did," the wizard said, the tone of his voice barely changing.

"Very good then," the Healer smiled after her tests were done. "I'll come back and check on you in a few hours. And don't," she paused to give Harry and Draco a stern look, though it was clear she was amused, "let me catch you in such a position again."

After that, Severus, Narcissa, and Lucius left to give Harry time with his friends.

"Oi, ferret. You bugger off too!"

"Ronald!"

"I'm not going anywhere, weasel. And you can't make me."

Draco and Ron stood on each side of the bed glaring at each other and continued to bicker, while Hermione stood at the end. She and Harry shared a look and rolled their eyes. After a second they burst out laughing. Hermione sobered very soon after and ran around, pushed Draco out of the way, and embraced her friend.

"Oh, Harry! It's been so long since I've heard you laugh!"

Harry buried his face in her hair and embraced her as tight as he could. "Mione, I'm… I'm sorry. I was lost."

"But you know where you are now?"

"Yeah."

"And you want to stay here, don't you?"

Harry opened his eyes and shifted a bit so that her hair wasn't obscuring his view from a fuming blond who was at the moment still fighting with Ron, both having moved to the end of the bed were they were standing toe to toe snarling at each other. He smiled and burrowed his face against Hermione’s neck. "Yeah."

* * *

 

"Draco! There is no need for you to dress me like I'm an invalid!" Harry exclaimed the next day.

"Earth to Harry! You are an invalid!"

Harry scowled at him. Draco smirked and moved closer until St. Mungo's disappeared and all he could see and smell was the blond. "Relax, Harry. I'll make it good for you."

Harry thought it perfectly reasonable that he should choke on his next breath. He stood there, mute and frozen as Draco gripped the hem of his old t-shirt and slowly pulled it up, skimming fingertips over Harry's sides as he did so and instructing Harry to raise his arms slowly. Harry did so as if in a daze, eyes on nothing but Draco's face, seeing nothing but gray eyes darkening as they trained on his chest and then lower to his abs where a dark sprinkling of hair trailed down pass the band of his pajama pants. He shivered uncontrollably when Draco sucked in a trembling breath.

When Harry's shirt was off, Draco dropped it to the bed before pressing a palm against the brunet's stomach. "This may not have been one of my better ideas," Draco whispered hoarsely.

"Think it's brilliant," Harry whispered, his own voice gone low and wanton. Their eyes met and Harry shifted forward. He was not against more contact. In fact, Harry was sure he needed it more than ever.

"Draco Malfoy! Just what do you think you are doing?!"

“Nothing!”

If he weren't so hot and bothered at the moment, Harry would have found it hilarious at how quickly Draco jumped away, nearly across the room from him at the sound of Narcissa's disapproving tone.

"He needed help with his clothes," Draco went on in a small voice, twitching his robes to cover the front of his pants and studiously avoiding his mother's harsh gaze. When Narcissa's frown turned on Harry, his blush heightened and he hurried to turn away from her. The front of his pants not any better and he didn't have robes on to hide it.

"That is why Severus is here. You will wait outside with me."

Draco swept his gaze up and down Harry's body as he followed his mother out, and Harry cursed the Slytherin for leaving him in this state in front of Severus, who walked in soon after looking as if he knew what had just gone on. Harry spent a few silent moments trying to think of things that would make his arousal disappear before he finally faced Severus.

"I'm alright. I don't need help," he murmured, turning away from that piercing dark gaze to pick up the soft green cashmere sweater Narcissa had brought him along with nice tailored black slacks. "Only a little stiff."

"Sit down before you fall down."

Harry huffed but did what he was told. Severus only mildly helped him with his clothes. Giving Harry enough independence to feel as if he'd done most of the work on his own. He'd only needed help with getting his arms through the sweater as stretching too far caused his spine to tingle in a very painful way. But he was proud to have been able to put his black slacks on without any help at all, and beamed at Severus when he did so. The Potions Master returned his smile, which nearly knocked Harry over in shock.

Severus then rolled his eyes at seeing his reaction. "Harry, I know you. And I know Draco. Please try and not put yourself back here before the end of the night. Take it easy, whatever you end up doing."

Harry's eyes dropped to the ground and a slow smile grew on his face as Severus returned to the door, announcing to the two waiting beyond that Harry was decent.

"Now then," Narcissa began when she and Draco returned. "Are you ready to go?"

"Are we going to your home?"

Narcissa smiled softly. "No, Harry. I thought you would be more comfortable in a smaller place and so we have purchased a quaint little cottage for you."

"Y-you bought me a house?" he sputtered.

Narcissa smiled and waved his shock away. "Only a quaint little thing. I promise."

* * *

 

"Is this your definition of quaint?" he asked incredulously after being transported by side along Apparition with Draco to land in front of a two story house that was three times as wide as the Dursley's house. "How big is Malfoy Manor if you think this is quaint?"

"Are you not pleased with it?" Narcissa asked, both she and Draco looking at him in worry. "We can find another home for you. It would be no trouble at all, dear."

"No!" Harry said quickly, wishing he'd kept his mouth shut. "No, this is fine. Really. I was just… surprised. It's lovely here."

And that was true. The sun was out, the birds were chirping, the sky was a beautiful blue. In front of the 'quaint' cottage was a large yard. Flowerbeds underneath each window. It was a house of white stone and a thatched roof and looking around, Harry saw only green fields surrounding the place as far as the eye could see.

"What do you want to do first?" Draco asked as soon as they stepped into a furnished foyer made of nothing but warm rich cherry wood.

"Could use a lie down."

"Of course, Harry," Narcissa said, giving Harry and Draco a look over. "Draco can show you to your room. I will return home, but I'll be back in the evening, boys."

"Yes, Mother."

"Okay. Thanks, Narcissa."

Narcissa smiled and brushed the fringe out of his eyes before fondly pressing her thumb against Draco's chin.

"Mother," Draco grumbled.

Narcissa smiled brightly when Harry snickered. "You two behave!" she exclaimed before Apparating away. As soon as she was gone, Harry leaned against Draco heavily and grimaced. Draco wrapped an arm around his waist and peered into his face, worried.

"Come on. Your room is on this level. We made sure to find a place with bedrooms upstairs and down. This way you don't have to walk up and down the stairs until you're better."

"Geez, Draco. You went all out, didn't you?"

"Mother did it all. She wouldn't let me do anything in regards to your comforts. She's really taken with you," Draco murmured as he helped Harry down the hall. They turned a corner and Harry saw four doors on each side of this hall. "These rooms can be turned into anything you want."

Harry said nothing as they bypassed all the rooms and stopped outside the last door on the right. When Draco opened the door, Harry only saw the bed across the room and began limping to it with Draco's help. The silence was heavily charged as they neared the bed and as Draco helped the brunet sit down, Harry quickly attached his arms around Draco's neck so that the blond had to bend over as Harry sat.

Draco stared at the top of Harry's bent head, waiting for his neck to be released so that he could stand up properly, but Harry seemed to be frozen. "Err… Harry? This isn't exactly the most comfortable position for me to be in. Have you fallen asleep?"

Harry chuckled and finally raised his head; lips automatically seeking Draco's and the blond realized Harry had been faking most of the fatigue and pain. "Let's pick up where we left off, shall we?" he whispered, tugging until Draco got the hint and lay Harry down before crawling over him.

"I don't want to hurt you," Draco whispered even as his hands traveled reverently down the front of Harry's sweater.

"You wont," Harry murmured and pulled Draco down for another heated kiss, gasping into the blond's hot mouth when Draco relaxed and pressed down, sliding his arousal over Harry's

"If it's too much, tell me to stop," Draco demanded minutes later when they resurfaced for air.

"I will," Harry promised, though he had no intentions of making Draco stop, even if he were in pain. He needed Draco. He wanted so bad to make love with the blond. He could have literally been on fire and he wouldn't have said stop for anything.

Draco vanished their clothes soon after and the room quickly filled with their pants, and in Harry's case, wanton moans as the blond began to kiss him all over while fingers prepared him, slowly stretching him and being so fucking gentle that it was driving Harry insane.

"Draco, I'm not a fucking broken egg!" he shouted.

Dark gray eyes rose to his and a smirk lifted Draco's swollen lips. "Yes you are. Be patient."

"I don't want to be patient! I want you to fuck me! Right now!"

Draco shuddered as he pulled his fingers away and slid up the trembling body. "Are you going to be this impatient when I let you fuck me?"

The brunet gasped from both the words and the feel of Draco's engorged cock lining up at his entrance. "You're going to let me fuck you?"

"Not right now. But when you're all better… I'm looking forward to it, even though I've never let anyone… Merlin, I need to be inside you now."

Harry nodded quickly and swallowed the hard lump that had formed in his throat. "Please," he moaned as his hand entangled in the blond's gorgeous locks.

Draco swept him into a ferocious kiss and swallowed his cry of pain as he thrust inside of him. Harry was trembling; his eyes squeezed shut so as not to allow a single tear to escape his eyes. Draco remained still after fully sheathing himself inside Harry, and spent the following moments kissing Harry's lips, and then his jaw and down his neck and doing his best not to press down completely against Harry.

Even through the pain of that initial thrust, Harry marveled at how it felt to have Draco inside of him. To have Draco over him, kissing his face, touching his hair, restraining from thrusting in without control as Harry could feel he wanted to. Could see it in the way Draco's muscles were tense and quivering over him. That was an extremely erotic sight as well.

"Okay," he breathed after taking a deep breath. "You can move."

"Are you sure?"

Harry smiled, liking how uneven Draco's voice was. "Yes. Move."

Draco pulled back slightly and slid a hand against Harry's leaking erection. Twin moans filled the room when Harry arched into the touch, pulling Draco deeper inside. "Tell me if this hurts," Draco said before taking one of Harry's legs, lifting it to rest over his broad shoulder.

"No! Move!"

"Merlin, you fucking liar!" Draco hissed as he pulled back and then slammed into the body beneath him; repeating the action over and over again. As Harry was assaulted with both pain and pleasure, he thought watching the blond lose control was almost as good as feeling it.

All thought suddenly vanished when Draco's hand wrapped around his leaking cock. "Fuck, I'm not gong to last," the blond gasped and started sliding his hand up and down the brunet's shaft in sync with his thrusts, his dark eyes riveted onto brilliant green.

It wasn't long before bright white lights began to dance in Harry's vision and he cried out with Draco's name tumbling pass his lips in whimpers as the blond brought him to an explosive orgasm. His muscles squeezing Draco so tightly that the blond was forced to follow soon after with a few more hard thrusts, Harry's name shouted in the musky air around them.

Draco lingered over Harry long enough to catch his breath and kiss him before carefully dropping Harry's leg back to the bed and easing off his new lover to lie side by side in a sated daze.

"Fiji," Harry whispered after some time when he could talk again without his voice wavering.

Draco lifted his face off Harry's shoulder to look him in the eye. "Hmm?"

"I want to go to Fiji first."

"Fiji… but I'll bake!"

Harry snickered. "You could use a tan."

"Malfoys don't tan, Harry. We fry, burn, peel, and end up looking like angry Weasleys for weeks on end."

"I want to go to Fiji."

"Fiji," Draco mumbled before turning and pressing against Harry's side, burying his face against Harry's shoulder again. "Fine. We'll go to fucking Fiji first."

Harry had a contented smile on his face as he drifted off to sleep.

* * *

 

After nearly two months of staying in the cottage and working with a physical therapist, Harry was finally back in top form. He and Draco immediately set off on their trip and traveled for a year straight without returning to Britain. And during all that time, Harry never asked for his wand. He never needed it for anything.

At the beginning, Harry would catch Draco giving him these long intense glares as if the blond believed Harry were in the process of planning his demise again, and one time when they were Greece, Harry had accidentally broken a glass when Draco was out. Harry crouched down in order to clean up the mess by hand since he didn't have his wand to vanish the mess, and Draco had returned just as Harry picked up a long glass shard. The blood drained from Draco's face and he rushed forward and basically attacked Harry. Nearly breaking the brunet's fingers in order to make Harry drop the glass before throwing the Gryffindor against the wall, snarling in his face. Half way through that row, Harry had calmed down. He took a good look at Draco's face and seeing the fear in those gray eyes… Harry finally took it for fact. Draco would never leave him, never tire of him. Draco was his and the blond was forever worried he'd come back to find Harry had killed himself. Once Harry realized this, he had thrown his arms around Draco and promised he would never leave.

The silky voice of the abyss never came back after that. Harry never really thought about the darkness again either. How could he when he was constantly surrounded by so much light and love and support? He was living his life with the person meant to be beside him. He was living and it was wonderful. It had its ups and downs sure, but Harry had his friends, Draco, and Draco's parents with him. And though there were equal parts ups and downs, Harry wouldn't have traded it for anything in the world.

The week after they returned to Britain from their travels, Draco proposed. Harry didn't even hesitate to say yes. In fact he screamed it from the top of his lungs and jumped Draco right in front of his parents and Severus.

"Was it necessary to scream?" Lucius muttered to Severus and Narcissa. But the other two were smiling. Harry hadn't hesitated and this gave them the reassurance that Harry no longer thought about the void. He no longer wanted to die. They knew him well enough to know that if Harry had any lingering doubts about his life, he would not have agreed to marry Draco. And Draco knew this too, which is why he'd never looked so happy and relieved.

As the elder wizards and witch departed to give the couple privacy, they heard Draco ask where Harry wanted to go on their honeymoon.

Harry laughed and responded with, "Fiji."

"No way, Potter! I peeled for weeks!"

**The End**


End file.
